Inside Our Heads - What's Going On In The Therapy Room

[BloomInWinter]

I've thought about how to write this thread because I am learning that my bizarre attempts at 'mind-reading' my T.'s thoughts are WAY off track and have really slowed down my recovery. I hope my mistakes can be helpful.

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He thinks I'm lying."
What My T. is actually thinking - "She isn't speaking much today. How can I help her feel comfortable talking about this?"

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He thinks I'm disgusting."
What My T. is actually thinking - "Wow, what a terrible thing she went through. No wonder she doesn't want to discuss it."

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He's judging me."
What My T. is actually thinking - "Hmmm....she looks worried. I hope she'll share more so I can help her feel better."

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He thinks I'm weak."
What My T. is actually thinking - "I'd love to wrap my hands around her dad's throat! What an #$%#$@!!!!!" (ok, I have no idea on this but he has seemed to be mad at times...;) )

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He knows I'm stupid."
What My T. is actually thinking - "Her mood is so down today. I need to help her vent this out."

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He hates having me for a patient."
What My T. is actually thinking - "I hope she can begin trusting me. I think I can help her with this..."

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He knows he's wasting his time."
What My T. is actually thinking - "She seems to be avoiding my gaze today. It's time for us to work on establishing trust again."

What I *think* my T. is thinking - "He's mad at me for saying that!"
What My T. is actually thinking - "Hmmm....she's displaying some increased agitation. This subject matter is stirring up something she hasn't revealed yet."

I don't know if any of these are accurate but judging by what my T. tells me now when I have the courage to ask him, I suspect he never judges me the way I judge myself.

Thankfully. Now...I just ask him what he's thinking instead of assuming. It lets me put our time together to better use.

 

[Red Feather]

Oh I think I am mind reading all the time. And then I am worried that I am annoying people. Which actually may be the truth because when I start thinking that, then people do start avoiding me. It would be just so much easier if everybody could say what they think and think what they say.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I know that my thoughts do cause my facial expression to change, which can turn people away if I look distracted, annoyed, angry, etc.

This is getting better for me as I constantly remind myself 'what that person thinks of me is none of my business.'

 

[Loner]

I'm going to take it a step further and say that for many therapists what they are often thinking are things like

"I wish I was a better therapist, that bastard my father was right I'll never amount to anything"

"I need to remain more objective about this and not feel like a failure if I can't help people, its their choice, not just a reflection of my abilities"

"YES YES YES!!!! THAT is the feeling I do this for, I am so glad to be there and witness it when someone has a breakthrough."

Also, sadly

"I would never judge my patients, after all, they give me lots of money!"

 

[Hashi]

Maybe we should be asking our therapists, "How does that make you feel?"

 

[Whitneys story]

Maybe we should be asking our therapists, "How does that make you feel?"

Good one! I will remember that if I can ever find a competent therapist, it is such a text book statement.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I do this. Such a lot!

I think that my T thinks I'm refusing to say things because I'm being awkward. I think she's thinking I'm a time-waster.

Most of the time I'm wrong! :p Normally, she's actually thinking "God, how awful, best take this slow. Re-establish trust and get all the bottled up stuff out." Or something similar. I've asked her what she's thinking and I'm always amazed that it's never negative towards me.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think Bloom is right, but in my personal life I've had negative feedback after disclosure or asking for help. So it's kind of reinforcing. Or if there's no feedback, I leave the interpretation open that it may be negative, because to assume it's not feels to me to take away someone else's right to feel 'whatever' way about it that they do. Also, I would feel foolish assuming they don't feel negative if they do. I would imagine however with Therapists their job is to help look for a solution so I would think they are more clinical about it. Not to say that some aren't genuinely compassionate, of course.

 

[BloomInWinter]

When I can't get the words out, I used to say in my head 'He thinks I'm an idiot.'

When I asked about it, he said he's thinking the material is difficult and he can tell that I'm trying hard to deal with it.

They just aren't labelling us the way we are labeling ourselves. Thankfully!

 

[piratelady]

I have always worried about what the therapist thinks of me. I worry that each time I am unable to answer a question they ask I am just confirming the horrible things they think about me. Last week in therapy, I was asked a question and started starring at the ground unable to answer. He then asked me if I was trying to figure out what the "right" answer was. I was...and he had to give me the answer, lol.

Anyway, It made me realize that when they are watching me and I am unable to speak, they are simply trying to help. The silence doesn't mean they are judging or thinking the worst of me. They are observing so they are able to help me help myself.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I've started asking my T. if he's thinking what I think he's thinking. It's tough to ask but how can he help me if he doesn't know?

...and the compassionate responses he gives are SO different from what I've had from my family that it both heals, and makes new 'hidden' wounds show themselves. Because by being given truly kind, compassionate treatment....it makes what I got from my abusers stand out all the more.

Strangely, though...it also teaches me how much better it feels to find healthier people to look for instead of 'settling' for the type of people who treat others the way my abusers did.

 

[kers]

Great post, BloominWinter. I always have to remind myself of this. I was flipping out once because I was to scared to talk and felt like therapist was obviously infuriated by my lack of participation. Finally I begged him, "what are you thinking?" and he said, "that you're so scared you can't speak, so the best way to support you it is to be here with you, silently." It pretty much blew my mind because it had never occurred to me that he was okay with me no matter what I said (or didn't say). Seeing myself from his perspective is so much better than from mine.

Most of the time, what I believe he's thinking is the way I see myself--the way I was taught to see myself.