Inside Our Heads - What's Going On In The Therapy Room

[piratelady]

Kers, you reminded me - another thing my therapist said was that I seem like a very confident person who knows what I want...until I see my mother, lol. That totally blew my mind because I don't see myself like that at all. It is our perception of ourselves that affects what we think the therapist is thinking.

 

[maddog]

I found that I stopped worrying about what my T was really thinking when I realised that he would tell me, whether I liked hearing it or not. Part of what I treasure about him - which likely wouldn't work for everyone - is that he is a relentless straight shooter. If he thinks I'm being irrational, stubborn, resistent, dramatic etc, he'll tell me, usually with a degree of diplomacy that never fails to make me smile, but always with a directness that I couldn't miss.

Not only do I like this interpersonal style as a general rule, but it went a long, long way to overcoming my morbid fear that he was silently judging or scorning me, disbelieving me etc. I am quick to suspect ingenuineness in others and to discount what they tell me as a result, on the basis that they probably don't mean it. It's much easier to believe the positive feedback when I know that he just as readily offers the negative, and that has brought me a greater security and sense of empowerment in our relationship thanI thought I would ever have.

Maddog

 

[Tinyflame]

I am amazed at how kind you have all said the responses have been. And how profoundly accurate to what you were actually feeling! I can relate to what you have all said, Bloom and Kers and Ice Fire especially. It sounds like you have wonderful T's. :) :tup:

 

[mamachick]

Often in therapy, as content comes up, there are different paths they can take. There are often many issues at once, relationship problems, environment, job, etc, plus distorted thinking and feelings as a result. Often there is not right/wrong but only an intuition that comes from a good therapist on which direction to go, when to be gentle, when to push a bit.

Generally speaking, therapists are not judgemental people. Most people that go into this field have had many adversities of their own. They are often quite colorful people. It is their ability to relate to various circumstances that lead to this profession. Their empathy can be their best asset and their worst enemy. They do not think you are wasting time-they are patient people. They dont think youre stupid, they think your emotions are interfering with your ability, not lying but having trouble describing, doesnt hate you-trusts you to share at your own pace. etc.

I hope you can be more gentle with yourself in your thoughts about this. When you share with your T, you may discover that this is needed for a starting point of real trust to build, as it would be hard to trust with those messages going on. Once aware, T can help you turn those critical messages to self nurturing ones, and that can be the beginning of some real healing.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Bloom, thank you so much for the post. It was exactly what I needed to hear! It really helps me see my T in a different way!

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Monster)))))

 

[anthony]

This will be a nice sticky Bloom. Nice post.

 

[mamachick]

When we grow up with primarily negative messages and feedback, statements that are sabotaging to anyone absorbing these messages, they are absorbed into our mind, body, and spirit. We cant imagine anyone thinking of us gently, we cant imagine not having to defend position, we cant imagine others really wanting to help, even when it is their job. That may be because we cant imagine in another what we havent experienced in ourselves. If we cant love ourselves, how can we expect others to? My decisions have been so attacked by others (many good decisions), that I am full of self doubt. If I cant trust myself, how can I rtust other, even therapist, and those old thoughts can come through.

How often we avoid asking friends/family for opinion or feedback-and for good reason. Many of us have unhealthy people around us that are going to unintentionally inflict further wounds. Asking the therapist what they feel about us is a great starting point. Such as, I am frustrated with my slow progress, is it frustating you as my therapist. Likely the answer will leave us feeling better and teach us to have the patience that they demonstrate.

 

['91 Girl]

I know this thread was from several months ago, but I have to say that reading it and all you have to say about your therapists made me courageous enough to tell mine that I am genuinely a little afraid of what she's thinking at times. Her answer was exactly what I needed to hear and so helpful for me to trust her a little more. So thank you! I appreciate your honesty.

 

[Hashi]

Her answer was exactly what I needed to hear and so helpful for me to trust her a little more.

That's so good to hear! It can take some courage to have that type of discussion, but it can really help with the therapeutic relationship and increasing trust. I'm glad for you.

 

[anonymous]

If a therapist is not genuine in what they say, I tend to feel it in my solar plexus as discomfort and it makes me feel very uneasy. So much so, that I have come to trust these intuitions and instincts, (about 50% of the time).

The other 50% of the time, I find that I am projecting my abuse perpetrator onto them and imagining the worst case scenario. I believe they must think I am weak, or whiny, or that I deserved to be abused, etc. It is only when these thoughts get stretched to the point of ridiculousness that I come to see them for what they are.

I am reminded that in instances when I really want to know what the therapist is thinking, I simple need to ask them. I will do this in the future with my new "t" and this will help me to build trust.

 

[safenow]

and the compassionate responses he gives are SO different from what I've had from my family that it both heals, and makes new 'hidden' wounds show themselves. Because by being given truly kind, compassionate treatment....it makes what I got from my abusers stand out all the more.

I have found that here. Such kind, compassionate treatment has made all the difference for me. I have been able to speak up for myself to others in my world offline now. I have all of you to thank for that.