I think we need to create our own selfcare lifestyles
I can only agree with this. But of course as long as it is not bad for someone. The trouble is that the people (especially people like us) tend to fall to self-deception and therefore it can be tricky.
acceptamce and knowing your triggers and limitations is key to living with PTSD
With that I agree too. But despite the fact that I'm aware of my problems, trigers, I have learned how to cope with them (and I am still learning), I still wanna live solitude life, I happened to be hermit, but I try not to be misanthrope. Loneliness used to trouble me, or actually scare me in past. Or more accurately I didn't know in past what is wrong with me, and I was swamped by depression (I attempted to suicide), and I used to struggled with all those ACOA and c-ptsd symptoms including feeling that I am too different from other people. And I still feel that way that I am too different, that I don't fit in anywhere, not even here. But I guess that I can find here many people with very same feeling. It was like social phobia. I was very confused.
Then I have become more sociable because I had to (job and other reasons). I learn to be more sociable despite of that I am introvert (INFJ in MBTI test). When I have a good day I can be more talkative than usual on a certain level. But I realized that most people suck. There I said it. Most of them see my weakness and otherness and they not just don't understand but they use it for whatever reason, mostly for boosting their ego or some relieve from their frustration, etc. Many times I hate most of them because of that. I realize that "hate" is such a strong word and as well that there are also good people, or let's say more reasonable, more sensitive or wiser people, and even they can have a bad day, and me too. I am no exeption. I mean who is really good or bad. This kind of simplification sounds a bit childish. And I know that all depends on my attitude and ability to be aware of my trigers, limitations, and be able to accept myself, increase and practice self-love and then I will be able to accept other people more and be more relaxed, became stronger version of me, and so on, and so on.... But I can not help myself. What I hate is that tendency to just let out their negative emotions without thinking. They just do it ! Just like that. And because I can be easy target they like to do it. I try to be polite but then I am also "drama tornado". I am aware that the "me and them" divide is not god at all.
But even without this tendency they still tiring me, just by the reason that most of the people are so fu..ing chirply and chatty and everybody wants something, whatever, you name it. For instance after hours at work I feel literally drained. Their are like bees. In our society there is lack of self-reflection. I try to be aware of my hypervigilance and all symptoms as possible, but from an objective perspective people still suck and this society, any society, is not for me. I stuck somewhere on the border between socialization and solitude life.
People can be so tiring. And I find that I need solitude and silence like a fish needs water, unfortunately I live in the big city full of people. I am not even sure if it is mostly because of my childhood trauma, or because of strong introversion. Perhaps both, or perhaps I was born that way. I have only one friend and that's it. We see each other once in a while and that is enough for me. Ex girlfriend hated about me the fact that I didn't need to be with her so much although I loved her. But funny thing is that I have no interest for women. Not even sex. Yes I still can have normal physiological reactions and I am hetero and women are sexy as hell, I still look at them, and so on, but I have no desire to be with some. I find this idea boring almost anoying. That is something I find as interesting.
