Instructor intimidates me

[SinkorSwim]

I have a certain class in which I have to do check offs with the instructor. Basically I perform a skill and she tells me if I pass or not. I can perform these skills on my classmates just fine. However when it's time to perform these skills for her I completely shut down and start shaking. This past weekend I had to do a blood pressure check off. Apparently I was shaking so bad she grabbed my hand. Which I hated and told me to relax. I have told her I have generalized anxiety disorder. She told me I have to work on applying the cuff and to fix my hot mess. I feel like I have tried everything but she still intimidates me. I don't know what to do.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

She is looking at it from a real world job perspective. Imagine a man comes in and he reminds you of your abuser, how will you take his blood pressure? I don’t really have an answer other than working through this with your therapist for more tools in accomplishing the future that you want to have. No passes are given for having ptsd while on the job. One thought I can think of is the emdr method of relying on your parts that are strong and confident to help you out. For example, I established that my positive qualities are loyal friend and caring mentor. So if I were in your shoes, I would be calling into my inner strength of caring mentor to help me get through the check off. So it is kind of like that part of me is with me and encouraging me during the entire process. I hope that this situation improves for you.

Also, try anxiety meds... if you aren’t already on them.

 

[Friday]

A trick to managing yourself under the best of circumstances is to practice under the worst.

For shooting we learned how to under ideal circumstances, then took ourselves off to wreck ourselves in every conceivable way before shooting. Run 5 miles. Have sex. Get drunk. Stay up 3 days. Call our mothers. Sit in a walk-in freezer after getting soaked. Etc. so forth and so on. So then we’re qualifying and it’s just like... are you kidding me? This is a breeze. Most of training was actually training for circumstance. This was training ourselves to be able to set aside physical & mental/emotional conditions, or account for them and adjust. Exterior vs Interior.

So maybe start practicing your skills in the same way? Right after you come back from a run and your muscles are either shakey or you’re still riding the high... during your next panic attack... after a nightmare... before peeing when you wake up in the morning desperate to... anything you can think of where either your anxiety is running hot, your emotions are up, or your physicality is off. So even if your instructor sends you into the stratosphere, pfft, you’ve done that skill 60 times already far far far more worked up.

ETA... also remember... it’s GirlScout Cookie Season :sneaky: You can very easily get large groups of volunteers to let you practice skills on them in exchange for a couple cookies. Do the same thing on 2 basket ball teams from the community center (big, sweaty, impatient, flirty, next!) & the lunch crowd at the senior center (won’t stop talking, keeps trying to draw your attention elsewhere, complaint & compliments in equal measure, etc.), & a riot of kids (and their parents) at your nieces/neighbors/etc. birthday party (omg. Best. Birth. Control. Ever.)... you’ll be golden.

 

[SinkorSwim]

I am already on anxiety medication. The only way to get better I guess is keep on practicing. There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world and then there are days where my anxiety gets the best of me and I feel like what am I really doing going back to school. It seems to bounce back and fourth and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

 

[blackemerald1]

There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world and then there are days where my anxiety gets the best of me and I feel like what am I really doing going back to school. It seems to bounce back and fourth and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

@Katiesue - Well there is a reason for it. Part of you wants to go back to school and get a great job and get on with living the life you want it to be.

Another (not necessarily bigger part either)...is frightened and wants to retire away from anything challenging even it is has a big reward at the other end, simply because it want to protect you. Even when you don't need protecting. Silly but true. Unfortunately, it's not easy to rationalise with a part of your nervous system that is sending off alarm bells when you actually really need it to shut the hell up.

I've met some pretty intimidating people in my life. I would suggest that you do as @Friday has suggested but perhaps not get so wasted.

For myself this what I did. For methodical matters such as taking BP count it down in numbers. Step by step. Do not focus on who it is you are doing it but just each step once accomplished takes to you to the next step. So there may be five steps or whatever. Break it down including any instruction you have to give the 'patient'/ 'instructor'. Just concentrate on the steps...nothing else.

I've done this to overcome anxiety many, many times. Works for me. I am not suggesting you will not have some anxiety...you will because it is a practical examination of your skill at that level. You should feel some apprehension that is normal, it's what gets our brains into gear and clears all the clutter away and says "attention do this now"! But accept the apprehension of the examination situation and then remember to breathe between each step and just concentrate on what you are doing not what you are feeling.

You will master this, if you accept that anxiety is a feature of every examination and learn to deal with it.

You are going to have lots of practical and theoretical examinations to get through. Think through what technique will get you through and practice, practice, practice.

Best of luck,
b1

 

[SinkorSwim]

@Katiesue - Well there is a reason for it. Part of you wants to go back to sch...

Thank you so much! I loved how you said focus on what you are doing and not what you are feeling. I am definitely going to try and break it down step by step now.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @Katiesue after I posted my suggestion I had an appt with my general practitioner & she decided to do a biopsy on a skin lesion I have. So while she was getting ready prepping me & herself etc I asked her if she ever experienced severe anxiety etc when she was doing her practical examinations under supervision by specialist surgeons (well known to be very intimidating for numerous reasons). I did not mention why I was asking btw!
She said she used to be almost paralysed with doing her practical examinations. I asked her how she got through it & she said, "I ignored the examiner completely... pretended they were not there & I was in charge of the procedure".

Now this was for her surgical exam's on real ppl., so if she screwed up there were immediate complications.

She's a lovely young female doctor & I know she was telling the truth because she also told me she dreaded those prac., exam's even though she knew the whole procedure & what to do.

So if all else fails ignore the instructor. You are in charge!

 

[Freida]

This might be a bit off topic but hopefully it will help...

I spent years training 911 dispatchers - and one of the hardest lessons they had to learn was to not let me intimidate them and to be able to keep it together no matter what we threw at them. We worked real world examples in class - lots of screaming and name calling -- and then they worked with real people under the supervision of a trainer.

I told them on day one --- I will let you walk to the edge and let you believe you are going to fall off the cliff, but I will never let you hurt or kill anyone. But you have to learn to control fear. And that's what training was.... over and over... make your hands stop shaking and type....control your voice...don't let anyone see your fear, do the job in spite of the anxiety you feel. These people who are calling are relying on you TO SAVE THEIR LIFE. There is no room for a nervous breakdown in the middle of a call. If you are helping a mom do CPR on a baby you cannot lose it.

I'm not saying that to make you feel bad -- but rather to show you that you can control your anxiety and do the job you love. It's just learning the tricks that work for you. My hands shook for the first several years I was on the job -- so I learned to type with shaky hands. If you want to succeed in this you have to figure out your triggers. Does the instructor intimidate you or is it the testing? Are you afraid of the tools you are using or is it the people you are working on?

Our trainees got tested at the end of every phase and if they didn't pass they lost their job. I had several who had test anxiety - so we would go on line and find techniques they could use to beat it. Work with your therapist to break down what scares you and learn to work WITH it - not to stop it from happening.

@Friday was dead on when she said to practice over and over in the worst environments you can think of -- because that's what life is in the field. The more you practice now the easier it will be then

You can do this!!!

 

[SinkorSwim]

I am 1000 times second guessing myself. I don't think I am cut out to be a medical assistant. I had a breakdown last night. I failed another check off on blood pressure. It sucked. I had a really good check off on rooming a patient and then I failed my blood pressure check off. I hate that one second I am super confident and then next I just want to crawl in a hole. I know the material and have been practicing night and day. I have been trying everything I possibly can and it's so extremely frustrating. I just want to give up.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Katiesue no I don't think you want to give up. Not really...that is frustration and lack of self-confidence talking.

If you can do a BP check outside of the practical examination setting there is no reason why you cannot do it within the exam setting.
Yes you are over working the second guessing things and feeding it all into a self fulfilling fail situation.

Can you speak to the instructor or someone who is there to assist students. It seems like you have a 'road-block' thought process going on and there should be another way around this.

I had an experience (similar to yours) where I had to climb 2 walls as part of a course. On my 1st, 2nd & 3rd attempts I failed. These walls became huge mind blocks for me. They were hard to get over and the course was designed to fatigue the body (time limited)... So I had to learn to get over them or fail completely. I really, really didn't want to fail and I think that fed into my anxiety.

I did exactly what you and @Friday said, worked through it over and over etc., I learned a technique for approaching the walls & once I had that down. I did it several times a day...every day for many months. The whole f##king course. Probably why my knees, back etc., are now so stuffed...who knows but anyway off topic.

Even so on the day of the test I was rattling with adrenaline and I knew I was burning off energy I needed to get through the whole course... That same adrenaline saved my ass on many occasions in my life (how ironic). Anyway I did get through it and in the best time ever. (My big claim to fame...what a life hey?).:bawling:

My point is it's not the test that is defeating you right now. It is you. So calm down. Have a look at the test. Why did you fail? At which point did you fail? Was it when wrapping the cuff, pumping up the cuff, where? Identify which point. Why is this particular instructor intimidating you? - It is probably all in your approach to the BP exam not this instructor. Do it by numbers if you have to. Use that adrenaline to get the job done. Do you get what I mean?

Do not fail a whole course over something that you can actually do @Katiesue. You can be a Medical Assistant and quite likely a highly proficient one at that.

Oh I came back to add:- How can b1 say this??...because you worry about failing something you want to do. If you didn't worry about it maybe you would not be a good Medical Assistant. :)