aces 9 resilient 8. age 44. male .. everything except the sexual. long term depression, anxiety, sleep, alcoholism. relationship problems, fired from almost every job. but super intelligent. owned my own business cause you cant fire yourself. had my grandparents take care of me and my brother from 8-18 during the summers. abusive dad died when 7 same with my uncle and my niece. all 3 months apart. cant remember anything except a few horrible memories before 8. step father divorced at 16. best friend died at 17.. grandparents was the best part of my life and i guess the resilient part of my life.. didnt have any physical problems til last year at 43 had a spinal stroke and was paralyzed from the chest down. i told the drs it was cause of ptsd and panic attacks and they pretty much laughed at me. but couldnt find a single reason for the "actual" cause. from the day it happend up til about 4 months after i was calm for the first time in my life. had no anxiety, no fear, no paranoia, or insomnia, nothing it all went away. sure i was upset about being paralyzed but so relieved from the mental war... but i also started drinknig coffe like it was going out of style and loved sugar. which i hated and couldnt handle up to that day of the stroke. and my blood pressure went from 140/90 to 120/80 over night and stayed that way. a few years earlier i had blood work that put me at the 90% of epiniphrine and norepinephrine. so i was continally in flight or flight i knew it and felt it. but i think the stroke at the t-6/7 cut off my adrenal glands. i tried to get drs and neurologists and psychiatrists to notice. but no one cared.. ive been making slow and steady progress. and can sit up and can stand on my left leg for a few seconds and have just regained some control of the right leg. im working towards a full recovery. but as i recover so too is my ptsd. after 3-4 months. it started coming back... and my craving for coffee and sugar was gone by 6 months. if i drink coffee its like smoking crack and andim high as shit for about an hour and a half and then i crash and have to sleep for 3-4 hours. if i dont i am worthless, cranky irritable, seeing geometric colors like im coming down off a 3 day long bad trip. same with sleeping if i dont get 6 hours of sleep i start going even more insane. for the last few weeks i havent slept more than 2-4 hours at a time do ok for 3-4 hours then have to sleep again. so iget 3-4 days in a day which really screw you up. the daizepam and trazadone dont work anymore and i think are causing more harm than good now and want to get off them... and now 10 months later the PTSD symptoms are full force. even more than before especially since not only am i trapped in my mind. my body didnt heal as fast and im trapped in my body too. living at my moms. cant go out. and isolated. trying to stay positive but fighting mental and physicial battles at the same time can prove tooo. much. i hope my body heals before i give. up. good luck to any and all survivors..
