Interesting Text Exchange

[desiderata310]

Well I suppose he had to find a way to tell me that he was cancelling.

 

[Rumors]

Sorry, what a douche bag. I would have to go back so that I could clear my soul on him before I called him a douche bag piece of sh*t. Really? Pick up the pieces? How old are you? How long have you seen him? Wow, narcissistic SOB to think you haven't picked up your own pieces your whole life. Desi, I can't tell you what to do, but you certainly didn't deserve him to feed you a guilt trip for attending therapy given that he was the one who WANTED to reach out to the doctor. I hate people who don't follow through then make you feel bad because it didn't play out the way they think it should. He dropped the ball. That sucks, but I wouldn't waste any time thinking that he means more than what he is. He is an employee..you pay him. He provides a service and it is apparent that he sucks at it and his delivery bites.
Sorry, I am in a foul mood I guess. I live with somebody that pulls that crap all the time and it gets really old.

 

[desiderata310]

@Rumors I've worked so hard to put trust in this person and I feel like that is gone.
I don't feel like I CAN face him again. Pretty damn sure all I will be able to do is run back out the door.

 

[desiderata310]

This is what I have written so far. Have not pulled the trigger.



I'm still getting over the shock of your text.

Glad you will get to enjoy your surfing with your son.

Not so sure that texting me 14 hour ahead of time that
A. you were cancelling on me for tomorrow
B. you were going to go back to once a week in the same "breath" or same text conversation as the one about the medication
was the greatest idea in the world.

I get it. You think I am being irresponsible for not going back to a GP for medication. I CAN'T get meds from someone who was put under the assumption that my next stop to be a psychiatrist's office for medication. Hell, *I* feel like a junkie for considering going back. Never mind that I emailed you early last week to ask that you communicate with him. Never mind that I probably should see a psychatrist for the ativan and not the GP.

I think I finally read between the lines and realize that I should have arranged to see a psychatrist for medication on my own. Sorry, I didn't make the connection. I was only following the GP thread.

Sorry that I've made you pick up ANY pieces. I'll make sure that I don't come to therapy unless I am intact.

I think I would rather suffer along without the sleep than be viewed as a junkie.
I think I would rather suffer along with you being pissed off at me than being viewed as a junkie.

I'm glad you brought up going back to once a week. I was going to actually suggest it this week. I was going to bring it up last week but Friday I was so... stupid I couldn't get shit out to tell you anything. I was a f*cking idiot last Friday because of a f*cking DOG. Too f*cking miserable to even talk about it properly.

What I don't appreciate is the manner in which you did any of this.

Wanna talk about feeling abandoned now? Way abandoned.

 

[mrsps]

Im sorry you have gone through this with your therapist. I have gone through similar and I can feel your hurt and abandonment. It really does sux and hurt when things like this happen. :(
If this is the first time anything like this has happened can you at least go back for another session to talk it through? If it has happened before maybe it is best to find someone else.
Best of luck with whatever you choose :)

 

[desiderata310]

@mrsps
We've had 'misunderstandings' that were borne out of my inability to trust him.

This? This is just harsh.

I'm still angsting over this.

I need to address it before Friday. I am not going to wait till Friday morning to deal with this.
I am not going to wait till a face to face because I won't be able to do it.

 

[Friday]

Slightly different take... If I'm remembering everything correctly, and I may not be... You've been in almost daily contact with your therapist for the past couple weeks, yes? Between sleep deprivation psychosis, & sucidality he wanted you hospitalized for but you guys came to an arrangement on, & med changes, & SDiT meet'n'greets with his dog...

There have been a lot of appointments, and phone calls, emails, texts, etc., yes? Above and beyond your normal once or twice weekly appointments? As there have been a few crisis? And he's been right there with you & for you through all of them?

So now that things are calming down he's taking a family day.

That doesn't sound unreasonable to me. Even if the way he went about it was less than professional, it sounds as if some of those lines may well have been crossed so many times over the past few weeks as he's been your primary support, it's understandable he might goof.

I just urge you to look at the situation as a whole, instead of one misspoken text being the single focus on severing your relationship & deciding he doesn't care about you & is abandoning you.

 

[desiderata310]

@FridayJones That's exactly what I am struggling with now. I am TRYING to see that. But all I hear is, you've pissed me off, I'm going surfing and I will ONLY see you once a week from now on. I think you're faking it. You're not worth my time. You're too dependent.

Oh ...heh... and yeah... someone who apparently knows I have abandonment issues is doing something which would make ANYONE feel abandoned.

Jesus.

Want to take a personal day? f*ckING GREAT. TAKE ONE.
Don't tell me 14 hour ahead of time that you're going to do it and that you're only to see me once a week from now on all in the same breath after getting pissed off at me for putting me in an impossible situation with the GP and getting sleeping meds. oh... and I still don't have sleeping pills and I still can't ask the GP for any. And wait time for a Pyschiatrist around here? MONTHS unless your therapist deems it an emergency.

 

[desiderata310]

honestly, it's why I'm reaching out here: perspective. I don't have any.

While what you said makes good sense and is incredibly embarrassing for me to look back on the last few weeks on, it doesn't change that the last serval exchanges we have had have been of the type that leaves me feeling... pushed away, abandonded, and minimized. From our entire last session to the text messages today. I think I'd rather he just fire me as a client.

 

[Chava]

I don't know the whole story or background on the therapy work you've been doing, but my one question would be....would you feel better and manage better if you just quit this therapist?

Honestly, I relate to the feeling abandoned. I e-mail my therapist a lot when I'm in a crisis or melting down...sometimes a few times a day because she doesn't respond fast enough to the first one. I get really anxious when I'm in the thick of it. But she responds and when I think of it, that's amazing. Once in a while she lets me know she's busy with some other work, why she didn't respond right away....in a pretty gentle way she lets me know she has a lot of stuff beyond me that she's working with and I respect that she has her own boundaries. A lot of times I don't like it, but in a subtle way, I feel like this is also how she is teaching me about boundaries. Anyway, it's been challenging to stick through sometimes...

I had a response once that felt really hurtful and invalidating...it was on top of some pretty bad body feelings and nightmares, so I was going to be sensitive to any response. I curled into a ball and held my pocket knife all day...it was pretty horrid. I told her I wanted to quit, how I felt and how I imagined she felt. We talked about it a little at the next session. She apologized for her response and understood how I could have been hurt. She admitted she felt frustrated (by something I had done) and did not handle responding perfectly. I respected that. She's human and she can even be frustrated with me...but it helps A LOT that she never really lets me know this except for that one time...and it wasn't about "me" like I'm fundamentally f*cked up....she was frustrated with some things/behaviors.

It has also felt like the "rules", boundaries, or communication have been changing sometimes and I didn't know how to follow or respond (though overall she's very consistent)...I was just sure she was sick of me....totally afraid she'd give up on me in my worst moment. Ultimately that wasn't the case. But there was a period where things just felt very challenging. Anyway, I accepted her imperfect handling of the super hurtful response....it took time to feel more trust but I owed it to myself to not respond in my typical runaway fashion.

Not quitting through that was a good milestone. I would have been wrecked if I had quit and remembered the whole therapy with her by my final feelings of abandonment and rejection and everything that had built up. I hope you can at least meet with your therapist and let him know how hurt you were by the way he responded. I'm sorry you've been left feeling so deserted and I know how horrible that feels, especially when things aren't going well.

I don't know if this guy is the right therapist or not...I won't cast that judgment right now since I don't know your history much. But I hear it's hard and wonder if you can talk to him, even if you have to wait and sponge up all kinds of extra support elsewhere if needed until you can talk to him about all of this. ???

 

[Suzetig]

As someone who has practically no contact with my therapist out of session (scheduling stuff only), It sounds like he's given more of himself than he could afford to.

If you've been in contact daily and he's responded to that or he's initiated contact, I wouldn't be surprised if you developed a dependency on him. It's his job to set boundaries around your relationship, so for example when you asked him to contact your GP he should have explained then that he didn't feel it was needed, or appropriate or whatever, not say that he'd do it and then not follow through. If he feels your contact with him interrupts his family time, that's a conversation he needs to have with you in person, to avoid misunderstanding.

Cancelling at short notice and changing the frequency of your sessions by text isn't ok, you know this. If however he's been there for you and given you time and support outside of session, I'd take it as a sign that he's over stretched himself, pitch up for the next session and sort it out there. The breach of boundaries/unprofessional behaviour didn't start with this text exchange, it started when he maintained support out of session, however well intentioned that was. Where you are now is an inevitable result of the earlier breach.

 

[shell]

I think sometimes from the stress of no sleep, ptsd and abandonment issues we can blow things out of proportion.

Making hasty decisions to quit, and run away when someone tells something you don't want to hear, or you have a misunderstanding with them, was for me a very familar pattern that related to my abuse.

May be you are repeating patterns of old? Learning to stay and face difficult feelings and sort through misunderstanding can be a time of growth, as can learning to make decisions from a place of thoughfulness rather than anger. It doesn't mean that you don't need a new therapist, but getting used to new therapist wastes so much money and time, so it helps to use a little time so that you don't have regrets later. No one is perfect.