Well my fabulous 2 minute a week relationship with the hot guy who sees the psychriatrist before me continues nicely. I am so glad I didn't ask him out as he has a 2 year old with someone who seems to be a lovely partner.
It was entertaining while it lasted. :)
I think people put more thought into choosing a new car than deciding to have a baby together.
I that is true.
We have a whole section of generation of unparented children that procreated and their kids are a bit scary because there is so much that they haven't learnt. It is really sad.
finding the right person is probably the most difficult thing that you do in your life.
And the right person in our life needs to be ourselves.
No one else can fill up the deficits in ourselves - even though we watch classic Hollywood Narrative Films where the classic narrative happy ending takes place, where compulsory hetersexuality means the two people will live happily ever after. This is not real life, this is a fantasy.
I think a really sad thing happens. I think people overlay what they see in the movies, a total fantasy world over a whole range of people and miss out on what is on offer because they have totally unrealistic fantasy and idea about what partners and people should be like. Life is not the Brady Bunch. The happy endings are few and far between. Life is full on and things don't go according to script.
That is why many of us are so ripe for the picking of advertising because it manipulates our human/primate need for belonging and to be part of a tribe, clan, family, community or group. We buy stuff so we can belong. That is what they are mostly selling us - not the product. Capitialism allows the illusion of belonging and being part of something - but it doesn't meet up with those primary and basic need
to be touched emotionally and physically by another human being who is real and
actually there and not a fantasy of a person who only exists in celluloid.
So we have to work out our own needs and work at giving them to ourselves and then once we can self soothe and be there for ourselves then there is a possibility for a relationship with a real, live, flawed, good and bad person.
No one can replace the stuff we missed out on as children.
No one can fix out ptsd either - we have to do that ourselves.
Sure it is great to have a strong support network and friends but we have to make that for ourselves.
We have to be the person that we want in a relationship to ourselves. I am finding this hard to do and crave sleep whilst writing this.
Once we can be there for ourselves then we can look for companionship, not coming from a place of neediness and deprivation, we can make better selections and judgements.
ms spock
As we got older, it became apparant that nobody wants to change and get better and they want to still be my parent and abuse me. Brat is one of the best things they have said. They like it when I have been in an unhealthy relationship and think I should stay. When I went to college as an adult they said I was selfish. When I got my masters they got even worse. They do not like others achievements or success. Now my daughter is following my footsteps and in lawschool-they prefer family in rehab than higher education. It makes them feel superior. So they call my daughter a spoiled brat too.
When someone gets well or changes in a social network or family - those that don't change have a lot vested in getting the person who is changing back in to their traditional role. They do everything in their
power, to get the changing person, back in to their role in the sick and unhealthy system.
I have witnessed this numerous times.
gotten this despearate when they get nightmares but I may try to get someone to sleep in the next room or share my bed. It keeps the nightmares away... it really helps to be just be able to reach out and touch someone when I sleep.
All and anything that works for you is good. If I stay at other people's places the nightmares can lesson some times.
