I stumbled on this site after isolating myself from social media and everyone close to me.
I've had CPTSD most of my life, with my worst trigger being the abuse or antics of my daughter's father. He routinely seeks out my friends or people who know me to spy on my social media accounts. He convinces them they are helping, but they are actually giving him ammunition.
My mother is a NM and has often sided with him or empathized with him when she has been unable to do it for me, because my job is to take care of her. This leaves me feeling unsafe and that I can not trust anyone close to me. I despise feeling like I need to be a hermit and that I can't fully live my life because it opens me up as a target for abuse, but at the same time, I just can't handle the bullshit anymore. I don't know what to do.
Yes, I am in therapy. I have been on and off since I was 12. My next appointment is in 2 days and I needed something to get me by until then. Or maybe this can be my support outside of therapy. I don't know. I'm just trying to get by right now and put on a mask to everyone else. I can't take time off of work every time I have an episode. So I just have to force myself through it and pretend it doesn't bother me, like every other trauma I've endured.
Sorry for the seemingly aimless rambling. My head is just all over the place and I needed to vent.
I hope this is what I've needed to help me get better and stay better.
I've had CPTSD most of my life, with my worst trigger being the abuse or antics of my daughter's father. He routinely seeks out my friends or people who know me to spy on my social media accounts. He convinces them they are helping, but they are actually giving him ammunition.
My mother is a NM and has often sided with him or empathized with him when she has been unable to do it for me, because my job is to take care of her. This leaves me feeling unsafe and that I can not trust anyone close to me. I despise feeling like I need to be a hermit and that I can't fully live my life because it opens me up as a target for abuse, but at the same time, I just can't handle the bullshit anymore. I don't know what to do.
Yes, I am in therapy. I have been on and off since I was 12. My next appointment is in 2 days and I needed something to get me by until then. Or maybe this can be my support outside of therapy. I don't know. I'm just trying to get by right now and put on a mask to everyone else. I can't take time off of work every time I have an episode. So I just have to force myself through it and pretend it doesn't bother me, like every other trauma I've endured.
Sorry for the seemingly aimless rambling. My head is just all over the place and I needed to vent.
I hope this is what I've needed to help me get better and stay better.
