Thank you for all the hellos already.
I am a 40 year old mum of 2 girls. I have c-pstd and OCD although only getting the official diagnosis 3 years ago it is something I have suffered with for as young as 4. My childhood was spent in fear of a violent father and a neglectful narcissistic mother. They parented my 3 siblings well enough but I was their scape goat and punch bag. I was sexually abuse and rape during most of my childhood by the son of a family friend my mother was fully aware she even throw me down some stairs whilst screaming at me for turning her house into a knocking shop. My brother also had inappropriate moments with me and mimicked my dads violence he and his friends used me to case drugs for them holding me at knife point threatening to kill me. I remained in contact with my family until 3 years ago when I reported my abuser. My father despite knowing about the abuse remains in contact with him and because of their lies he is still free despite the police and cps openly stating they know he is guilty. My family are disgraceful they have told me i should be more grown up about it as it was all a long time ago and other insults but I remain strong and dont want them in my life.
I have had a lot of therapy and finally can sleep at night without having dreadful nightmares or sleep walking, however my lack of confidence is at an all time low. i have no belief in myself, no idea of who I am, or what I want to do with my life. i spend most of my time cleaning or battling with myself not to clean truthfully I havent a clue what to do apart from that.
It saddens me that so many other people are suffering from the same stuff as me as knowing how awful it is I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy (and my list of them is pretty long).
I am a 40 year old mum of 2 girls. I have c-pstd and OCD although only getting the official diagnosis 3 years ago it is something I have suffered with for as young as 4. My childhood was spent in fear of a violent father and a neglectful narcissistic mother. They parented my 3 siblings well enough but I was their scape goat and punch bag. I was sexually abuse and rape during most of my childhood by the son of a family friend my mother was fully aware she even throw me down some stairs whilst screaming at me for turning her house into a knocking shop. My brother also had inappropriate moments with me and mimicked my dads violence he and his friends used me to case drugs for them holding me at knife point threatening to kill me. I remained in contact with my family until 3 years ago when I reported my abuser. My father despite knowing about the abuse remains in contact with him and because of their lies he is still free despite the police and cps openly stating they know he is guilty. My family are disgraceful they have told me i should be more grown up about it as it was all a long time ago and other insults but I remain strong and dont want them in my life.
I have had a lot of therapy and finally can sleep at night without having dreadful nightmares or sleep walking, however my lack of confidence is at an all time low. i have no belief in myself, no idea of who I am, or what I want to do with my life. i spend most of my time cleaning or battling with myself not to clean truthfully I havent a clue what to do apart from that.
It saddens me that so many other people are suffering from the same stuff as me as knowing how awful it is I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy (and my list of them is pretty long).
