Hi. I live in the United State. I was diagnosed with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder many years ago and am feeling frustrated by my lack of progress is overcoming some of the problems associated with PTSD. I am very self aware, not afraid to confront my fears and keep myself active, healthy and socially connected. However, I still find myself running into the same issue, mainly that I panic and get very angry when I feel "trapped." This mostly centers around feeling like I am being forced (even if I am not really being forced) to go places, or do things, against my will. This especially is true when I have to fly on an airplane. Sometimes I wonder if I really have PTSD, or if I do, can you ever overcome some of the effects.
I grew up with a mentally ill mother who was physically and emotionally abusive and completely emotionally absent. I never formed a healthy mother/daughter bond. My mother began beating me and doing other abusive things to me when I was about 3 (at least that's what my sisters recall). I have a lot of memories centering around her doing things such as dragging me into a bedroom by my hair or arm and spanking me very hard with a belt/wood spoon, trying to pull out one of my baby teeth (which was not loose) with a pair of pliers, kicking me down a flight of stairs, forcing me to do things that really frightened me, hitting me around the face and head a lot. I was shamed a lot and told that things were in my head. In addition, I witnessed her abuse my sisters and my father. During one episode, she split my father's face open. He was bleeding badly, and I physically got between them in order to separate them.
When I read about PTSD, it talks about experiencing a situation in which your life was in danger. My life was never in danger with my mother, although I remember being terrified of her. I listened to her footsteps (we could often determine her mood by how she walked), her tone of voice, and was hyper aware of where she was at all times. I do remember situations in which I felt I was going to die. My parents briefly had an old, leaky, wooden sail boat that I was terrified of. I thought the boat was going to sink whenever we went out on it. I would ask my mom to let me me stay home, but she always made me go. I was literally afraid I was going to die while on the boat. I knew my mother would get very angry if I said anything to her about being afraid, so I would sit in terrified silence.
Is it likely I have PTSD even though I never experienced a life threatening event? Have others on this forum experienced a similar childhood? Is it possible to overcome it? I have been to therapy so many times, and I am on medication for depression and anxiety. But, I feel like I will always be haunted by situations that trigger extreme anxiety and PTSD. It is distressing.
Thank you.
I grew up with a mentally ill mother who was physically and emotionally abusive and completely emotionally absent. I never formed a healthy mother/daughter bond. My mother began beating me and doing other abusive things to me when I was about 3 (at least that's what my sisters recall). I have a lot of memories centering around her doing things such as dragging me into a bedroom by my hair or arm and spanking me very hard with a belt/wood spoon, trying to pull out one of my baby teeth (which was not loose) with a pair of pliers, kicking me down a flight of stairs, forcing me to do things that really frightened me, hitting me around the face and head a lot. I was shamed a lot and told that things were in my head. In addition, I witnessed her abuse my sisters and my father. During one episode, she split my father's face open. He was bleeding badly, and I physically got between them in order to separate them.
When I read about PTSD, it talks about experiencing a situation in which your life was in danger. My life was never in danger with my mother, although I remember being terrified of her. I listened to her footsteps (we could often determine her mood by how she walked), her tone of voice, and was hyper aware of where she was at all times. I do remember situations in which I felt I was going to die. My parents briefly had an old, leaky, wooden sail boat that I was terrified of. I thought the boat was going to sink whenever we went out on it. I would ask my mom to let me me stay home, but she always made me go. I was literally afraid I was going to die while on the boat. I knew my mother would get very angry if I said anything to her about being afraid, so I would sit in terrified silence.
Is it likely I have PTSD even though I never experienced a life threatening event? Have others on this forum experienced a similar childhood? Is it possible to overcome it? I have been to therapy so many times, and I am on medication for depression and anxiety. But, I feel like I will always be haunted by situations that trigger extreme anxiety and PTSD. It is distressing.
Thank you.
