Introduction--Marriage Ending

[leida]

I wish I had a success story, instead of a disaster story. I love my wife, she and I both have PTSD. She just left me.

My PTSD comes out as rage and anger, hers as disassociation, and ignoring problems until everything falls apart - money and debt being a big one.

Two years ago I started getting sick, and now I'm disabled and can't work. She just lost her job and her career, and started going back to school. A whole bunch of things that might have been manageable on their own, but altogether too hugelt volatile, and everything kindof exploded.

She's been distant, I've been raging and impossibly depressed. She decided she'd had enough, and has left.

I'm heartbroken, she won't even talk to me.

I know there was lots wrong between us, but I know I really genuinely love her too, and I thought that there were things worth hanging onto in the mix as well.

So, that's my intro, and where I'm at.

Leida

 

[wattle]

Welcome to the forum leida. :)

 

[suzie q]

Hello and welcome to the forum leida..

Sorry to hear that you are heart broken, that's a really depressing place to be as you know. My spouse and I both have PTSD and for many years we bounced off each other. When we took time individually to work on our symptoms, we were able to come back together and have a somewhat healthy relationship.

I think sometimes we get so overwhelmed with each others triggers that we can go insane. Sounds like there have been quite a few life changing decisions that were made lately. Just dealing with that mess is triggering.

Maybe you could give it some time and take advantage of the seperation by working on your strife in life. I know you will miss her, but hopefully she will do the same for herself and then you can work together. It is possible, I managed to and our relationship is stronger and healthier for our work.

Hang in there and I hope you can talk with her soon. HUGS!!

 

[helena]

Hi Leida,

Am so sorry that you are going through this - break ups are always tough.

Welcome to the forum and hope you make some good friends here to help you get through this bad time.

Helena

 

[shiraz]

Hi Leida,

My partner and I looked similar to you and your wife just a few months ago... I isolated and dissociated and he raged. We decided that therapy together would be the only thing to save us. It helped. I isolated less and he got his anger under control a bit. I also went on meds and became stable which stabilized him more too.

It was a desperate struggle every day just to be in the same room - both of us walking on eggs, triggering each other and oscillating in depression and pain. It felt like being dumped by a huge wave over and over repeatedly and never coming up for air. We spoke of living separately many times just to give us both space to heal individually and I think it would have come to that had I not found the right meds.

Perhaps the time apart will help. At times we need space to work on ourselves, it can just be too overwhelming to do so with another person in your space. I hope she feels the same way and that you can communicate with her soon.

I also feel your pain in job loss - that is a big one to work through as our self esteem is wrapped up in our ability to be productive. I hope that you can use this time to work on yourself so that when she is ready to come back, you are healthier and further along with your healing journey.

I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak.

Shiraz

 

[skyp56]

Leida, I'm sending hugs and support! Too much hitting you at once; I do know how THAT goes!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
skyp56

 

[leida]

Thanks for the hugs, I know this is from a while ago... I wish we'd managed to sort things out. Now we've been separated for 6 months, and we're finally talkig civilly. She really blames me, and takes responsibility only for "letting me treat her badly", but not for her half of the fact that our issues were really badly intertwined.

I don't know. I hurt, and I'm sad. I wanted things to work, but I couldn't figure out how to do it, because it seemed like I had to either live with things as they were, or leave, because every time I tried to change them, it ended up in the same fight pattern, but at least I was trying. I don't know. My heart hurts. I'm in therapy, and trying to get on with my (now single) life.

 

[leida]

Thanks, I can sure use the hugs!