ComfortNickel
New Here
Hi, I've been browsing, and liked it enough to join, and so here is my hello. I haven't been diagnosed with ptsd, because of events causing it. But I'm sure I do. I know I really need help, but can't find anything. But here I am to try and talk to some people that can understand, and probably have gone through worse than I
For a background, I live in San Diego, the sunniest and greatest place on earth... well I guess that should be disneyland 80 miles north but they won't sue me. Not rich and not poor, my family has it's wealth in family and skills and knowledge. I was quite happy, careers, income, homes, hobbies, and even the lovliest of little girls (my daughter).
My event started with my dad. He got sick and spent 5 years dying. I spent much of that time with my dad and daughter, doing the most important task of enjoying family. My wife and I did not get along, and with the stress of watching my dad, supporting my mom, raising my daughter, keeping the recession out of the house, and being abused by her made that worse. We were separated before, but with my dad's death came the divorce. One discovery of mine was that I leave myself open for abuse and being used.
The death was good, as far as it goes, and so was the divorce- not too bad and on the good side. Life almost settled. But when one of my family members got mad at me in an arguement and couldn't win, he wanted to hurt me. And with my ex they did real good. My life became the popular country song: lost my family, house and home, careers, income, truck, and finally the dog- very close to the family dogs. Cps became this vengeance against my desision to not be everyone elses servant. I can't talk to them, and I have to if I want to see my daughter, or be able to get any type of job that is decent. I have the smallest income, smaller than the "homeless" guy who collects recycling and sleeps in a bed. Can't make more money, and I can't even get unemployment- I feel as if everyone else is on their hundreth extension but I can't even get what I paid into when I really need it. Family, friends, and neighbors know something, and won't talk or even make eye contact with me. Now my health sucks, and my mind is worse.
My mind doesn't function, ust rambles on and on whatever it wants. I just ride the emotions, terrible analogies and puns as well as bad puns can be taken. I've tried trama and depression and mental health help, but it is either too expensive for my empty pockets, or they only help the poor people. I guess they mean poor as in more money than I make. I've tried groups, in person and online; the general replies are that I have problems, need to get the help I can't get, and that I should crawl into a hole and die. Oh, and that these people prove that a rock is more human than a human.
I want to find some people I can talk to who understand but also not a part of this life. I'm almost ready to die, but I can't stop hoping. I have clung to a small chunk of things that would give me a future, and if it gets taken away like it soon will I won't have the hope, I'll just be waiting for my dog to pass first. I was dreaming of a new life, where I can go out my door and who I see don't feel repulsed by me, and where everything doesn't make me so down. Anyone to help break my circles of thought?
<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs by Amethist>
For a background, I live in San Diego, the sunniest and greatest place on earth... well I guess that should be disneyland 80 miles north but they won't sue me. Not rich and not poor, my family has it's wealth in family and skills and knowledge. I was quite happy, careers, income, homes, hobbies, and even the lovliest of little girls (my daughter).
My event started with my dad. He got sick and spent 5 years dying. I spent much of that time with my dad and daughter, doing the most important task of enjoying family. My wife and I did not get along, and with the stress of watching my dad, supporting my mom, raising my daughter, keeping the recession out of the house, and being abused by her made that worse. We were separated before, but with my dad's death came the divorce. One discovery of mine was that I leave myself open for abuse and being used.
The death was good, as far as it goes, and so was the divorce- not too bad and on the good side. Life almost settled. But when one of my family members got mad at me in an arguement and couldn't win, he wanted to hurt me. And with my ex they did real good. My life became the popular country song: lost my family, house and home, careers, income, truck, and finally the dog- very close to the family dogs. Cps became this vengeance against my desision to not be everyone elses servant. I can't talk to them, and I have to if I want to see my daughter, or be able to get any type of job that is decent. I have the smallest income, smaller than the "homeless" guy who collects recycling and sleeps in a bed. Can't make more money, and I can't even get unemployment- I feel as if everyone else is on their hundreth extension but I can't even get what I paid into when I really need it. Family, friends, and neighbors know something, and won't talk or even make eye contact with me. Now my health sucks, and my mind is worse.
My mind doesn't function, ust rambles on and on whatever it wants. I just ride the emotions, terrible analogies and puns as well as bad puns can be taken. I've tried trama and depression and mental health help, but it is either too expensive for my empty pockets, or they only help the poor people. I guess they mean poor as in more money than I make. I've tried groups, in person and online; the general replies are that I have problems, need to get the help I can't get, and that I should crawl into a hole and die. Oh, and that these people prove that a rock is more human than a human.
I want to find some people I can talk to who understand but also not a part of this life. I'm almost ready to die, but I can't stop hoping. I have clung to a small chunk of things that would give me a future, and if it gets taken away like it soon will I won't have the hope, I'll just be waiting for my dog to pass first. I was dreaming of a new life, where I can go out my door and who I see don't feel repulsed by me, and where everything doesn't make me so down. Anyone to help break my circles of thought?
<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs by Amethist>
