Hi Everyone,
First I have to apologise for the way this is written. I have a few disabilities which makes my writing not make much sense or will be in an illogical order.
I am 20 years old and I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD in February this year and I had to leave university then and have been at home since.
Some of my traumas haven't happened to me but here is a list of all my traumas that are causing me trouble:-
mums depression, dads heart attack, grandpas death, near death experience (allergic reaction) isolation in first university, and lost my virginity to someone who used me for sex, second boyfriend mentally abused me and raped my best friend at the time, I was also diagnosed with 6/7 learning disabilities and the education psychologist explained away my personality so I was somewhat lost (didn't know who I was). At my second university I had a sexual assault. And a miscarriage which I never knew what happened to me until march when i explained to the doctor and he said it was likely to be a miscarriage. I am sure there are more I have forgotten.
The annoying thing was that the risky behaviours to get rid of the emotions that from re-experiencing the trauma led me to more trauma (sexual assault). My risky behaviours were speeding, shop-lifting, over spending (shopping), drinking and sex. I am still struggling with my shopping habit.
I also feel that I shouldn't be as ill as I am because most of my traumas aren't done to me.
My social life id down the drain as my friends don't want to know me now i am mentally unwell. I have one friend from university who has been through similar things that stays in contact. I have no idea where my life is heading. I can't work because i cant cope. I'm not volunteering for the same reason. I have a good family with a mum who has been through similar things so she's there helping me. My mum was sexually abused by her family, as a child, and she was going to counselling when she had my brother. When she had me, she panicked. thought the same thing would happen to me. My GP thinks she transferred some of those feelings to me, or I picked up on them or over heard a conversation about it. It is evident I knew something through all of the games I played as a child was about rape, abuse with my teddies, rag doll, dolls barbies. Every game would end up the same.
I can laugh about some of the things now and have a joke about a few things like my temper going crazy because my mum wouldn't buy me custard powder because i wanted to bake. I know how that sounds, very selfish.
I'm working with a GP specialised in mental health. I feel it isn't helping me enough and would appreciate anyone who knows of a support group around North Wales, North West of England.
So this is me in a nutshel :) Thank you for reading x
First I have to apologise for the way this is written. I have a few disabilities which makes my writing not make much sense or will be in an illogical order.
I am 20 years old and I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD in February this year and I had to leave university then and have been at home since.
Some of my traumas haven't happened to me but here is a list of all my traumas that are causing me trouble:-
mums depression, dads heart attack, grandpas death, near death experience (allergic reaction) isolation in first university, and lost my virginity to someone who used me for sex, second boyfriend mentally abused me and raped my best friend at the time, I was also diagnosed with 6/7 learning disabilities and the education psychologist explained away my personality so I was somewhat lost (didn't know who I was). At my second university I had a sexual assault. And a miscarriage which I never knew what happened to me until march when i explained to the doctor and he said it was likely to be a miscarriage. I am sure there are more I have forgotten.
The annoying thing was that the risky behaviours to get rid of the emotions that from re-experiencing the trauma led me to more trauma (sexual assault). My risky behaviours were speeding, shop-lifting, over spending (shopping), drinking and sex. I am still struggling with my shopping habit.
I also feel that I shouldn't be as ill as I am because most of my traumas aren't done to me.
My social life id down the drain as my friends don't want to know me now i am mentally unwell. I have one friend from university who has been through similar things that stays in contact. I have no idea where my life is heading. I can't work because i cant cope. I'm not volunteering for the same reason. I have a good family with a mum who has been through similar things so she's there helping me. My mum was sexually abused by her family, as a child, and she was going to counselling when she had my brother. When she had me, she panicked. thought the same thing would happen to me. My GP thinks she transferred some of those feelings to me, or I picked up on them or over heard a conversation about it. It is evident I knew something through all of the games I played as a child was about rape, abuse with my teddies, rag doll, dolls barbies. Every game would end up the same.
I can laugh about some of the things now and have a joke about a few things like my temper going crazy because my mum wouldn't buy me custard powder because i wanted to bake. I know how that sounds, very selfish.
I'm working with a GP specialised in mental health. I feel it isn't helping me enough and would appreciate anyone who knows of a support group around North Wales, North West of England.
So this is me in a nutshel :) Thank you for reading x
