Sufferer Introduction

[Sue West]

Hi, everyone,

I don't really know what to say, but thanks for your welcome!

I've suffered from PTSD for most of my life because of childhood abuse. I'm trying to deal with my issues because I now have 2 girls (adopted) and a lovely husband, who is very supportive of me.

The abuse involved me and my sister and we're supporting each other as we both come to terms with the stuff that happened.

 

[Ronin]

Hello, welcome. :)

 

[Issy]

Hi, everyone,

I don't really know what to say, but thanks for your welcome!

I've suffered from PTSD...

Welcome @Sue West you will definitely have alot of support here. Wish you the best, and may you have loads of self compassion and courage as you go through your healing process. I to am a sufferer of child abuse by the hands of my Father. It definitely takes time processing, recovering and healing, however if you keep at it, put in the therapeuric work the pain and hurt does lessen.

 

[Sue West]

Thanks for sharing that. It was my father who abused me, along with others, including my brother (though he was abused too). My father was part of a paedophile ring.

My sister and I repressed our memories, so we're only now piecing it all together (over the last 3 years). I had images and nightmares for years but couldn't place them, but that changed once both my sister and I had young children.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, :hug: Sue!
I am SO sorry for the abuse that you endured as a child...it's unspeakably sad to know that children suffer at the hands of the ones who are supposed to protect and nurture us! Even through all you have suffered, you are a SURVIVOR, who WILL THRIVE!!! Having the love of your husband and daughters will nurture your inner spirit, and give you the strength that you need to continue your healing.

The Forum is a VERY special place...kind of a home...for you to share your story, struggles, and healing. Reading about others who have struggled, can help you realize that you are far from alone, while encouraging you to ALWAYS keep working towards the health and joy that you deserve! You are safe here, as is your story. Everyone here knows how hard it can be to put the past behind you, but we also know that with hard work and determination, you CAN rise above the traumas of the past.

This is a place where you will find compassion, understanding, comfort, and encouragement. It is amazing to see how people want to help each other with whatever battles they are facing. Being a survivor gives us a deep understanding of each other without having to tell our complete story. The fact that you are here says so very much!

I am SO happy for you, that you DO have a loving husband, and your little girls! No matter how old they get, they are ALWAYS your little girls! Being a mother is what saved me from the path of self destruction. I knew that I had to work on my healing to be the best mom I can be.

I hope that you will find the Forum to be what I have found it to be. A place where I am accepted and loved, just the way I am. You can write a diary, which can be helpful. Others may or may not read it, but it is helpful to have a place for your thoughts. Sometimes, putting things into words...in black and white...can lessen the strength of the pain, as well as being a place to help you remember things that you might otherwise forget. (I have a tendency to forget the GOOD things, and the accomplishments that I make, because I still see the "mountain" of work that I still have ahead)

Blessings to you, and to your family!
AKJ :hug:

 

[Sue West]

Thanks, AKJ, blessings to you and your family too. I've been so touched by the welcome on here.

I certainly feel like you do, that I want to be the best mummy I can be. Especially since my daughters have already lost one mummy (they're full birth sisters). Xx

 

[SteveTC]

Welcome Sue, I find it difficult to read anything about abuse as I can relate, but everyone's experiences are so singular and subjective. I'm just glad you have a support positive network through family to focus those energies that go between constructive and destructive.
I suffered abuse, physical, sexual and psychological by my male babysitter when I was a child for years.
Then my parents moved us to his home and I was moved into his bedroom, now that's gotta twist your mind at some point.
I was seeing a therapist for anxiety as I'm disabled from a spinal injury and the therapist refused to treat me any longer as my needs were/are too complex and that's when I got officially diagnosed with ptsd.
I wish my family were supportive, they can't cope with the stress of it all, the guilt etc.
I was wondering what advice you and others can offer me, I live alone, in a city I don't know but here for my surgeon. I am in a wheelchair and isolated a lot. Last week my dr did a home visit, and called an ambulance to get me admitted to hospital due to my spine. I contacted my parents to ask them to join me at the hospital but they refused, opting out as it's too stressful for them.
I convinced the drs that I had a good support system and I was allowed home. I have treatment in a few days, but this is the second time my folks have left, before for 8 months.
It's difficult enough having the feeling of wanting to run away but immobile. I don't know what to do or say to them, as I have no in case of emergency contact without them and my anxiety is through the roof.
Anyone with any wise words

 

[Sue West]

I'm so sorry, Steve, that's such a hard situation to be in. I have no wise words, just hang in there. And keep coming on here for support from people who can understand what you're going through.

I should think your dr and therapist will be able to put you in touch with support groups? And you must qualify for support from social services or other agencies?

I also see that you come from the UK like I do. Whereabouts do you live?

 

[SteveTC]

Sue, thank you for your reply, im getting used to this slowly.
I'm living in Cardiff now, never lived here before, London for a long time and a few places in Europe. If I tell my dr that my family have gone awol on me again, I will be brought into hospital immediately for up to a month whilst they sort out home care. However, the ptsd is a big bag of worms isn't it. Sometimes I just don't get it, bad people getting away with terrible things and good people suffering.
When my spinal condition kicked in 3-4 years ago now, I've dealt with it on my own as much as I can.
I just feel so defeated that when asked to help my parents said no.
They blame me for their stress levels now they know about the abuse, and I know I'm not a bad person, so why isolate me when I need the comfort the most.
I've been in tears every day, feeling orphaned again and coping with a messed up spine and my anxiety in an unfamiliar environment and today was a good day, I managed to do normal tasks, clean, laundry and cook. So, I'm proud of every bit I do on my own. I just don't want my family to come back and promise me and break me again.

 

[SteveTC]

I should explain I can't cook, clean, do laundry, change a bed, put a t shirt away as my spine is in too much pain and spasms without much input. I'm in the wheelchair so I can't lift anything, hence when my family stopped providing that kind of care and support and now totally no emotional support.
I will organise home help next week and tell my gp that I need help, just wish I knew how to shut off at night from thoughts of my family. I miss them, but they have left me completely alone and isolated and they will go on holiday. I want to tell them not to contact me, has anyone else with parental isolation/disability/ptsd got anything to help my mind shut off

 

[Joan]

Welcome. How great you have 2 adopted daughters. Sounds like you are reaching out to try to be the best mom and wife...kudos. Hope you find what you need/want here.

 

[Friday]

@Sue West Welcome to the community :)