Mountaineer
New Here
Hi. For the past few years I thought I had PTSD from Iraq. After my soon to be ex informed me that I was hurting my sons, I left my family. We had been married for ten years.
When I heard the words that I was hurting my sons, a plethora of past memories hit me. My father was emotionally & physically abusive. I quit taking all the VA drugs & started using only cannabis. All day, every day. Had two pretty significant breakdowns over the holidays and spent two weeks in a psych ward after being tassered by a group of cops. Completely lost my sense of self-identity. Stopped cannabis on Dec. 25 and moved in full time with my mother the first of January. Got into counseling at a local Vet Center as well. The therapist & I started talking about stressors yesterday when the term complex ptsd arose. It fits more of my symptoms & experiences, closer than straight ptsd.
I'm very tired of thinking I'm crazy & paranoid. Spent the day reading as much as I could, trying to learn and understand what's happened to me. It's actually been kind of a relief reading the information about c-ptsd. Spent the day in tears though as a new understanding is beginning to develop.
I have no friends left, I don't leave the house unless I have to. My family thinks I'm "mentally ill" while I think a more appropriate term is "mentally hurt". I miss my kids so, so much and the soon to be ex will not even talk to me.
Hopefully through this forum I won't be so damn alone anymore.
<Edited for paragraph breaks.>
When I heard the words that I was hurting my sons, a plethora of past memories hit me. My father was emotionally & physically abusive. I quit taking all the VA drugs & started using only cannabis. All day, every day. Had two pretty significant breakdowns over the holidays and spent two weeks in a psych ward after being tassered by a group of cops. Completely lost my sense of self-identity. Stopped cannabis on Dec. 25 and moved in full time with my mother the first of January. Got into counseling at a local Vet Center as well. The therapist & I started talking about stressors yesterday when the term complex ptsd arose. It fits more of my symptoms & experiences, closer than straight ptsd.
I'm very tired of thinking I'm crazy & paranoid. Spent the day reading as much as I could, trying to learn and understand what's happened to me. It's actually been kind of a relief reading the information about c-ptsd. Spent the day in tears though as a new understanding is beginning to develop.
I have no friends left, I don't leave the house unless I have to. My family thinks I'm "mentally ill" while I think a more appropriate term is "mentally hurt". I miss my kids so, so much and the soon to be ex will not even talk to me.
Hopefully through this forum I won't be so damn alone anymore.
<Edited for paragraph breaks.>
