Undiagnosed Is anybody anhedonic from C-PTSD?

[Friday]

Hi Friday, Couldn’t hedonism be a behavioural trait / response to having anhedonia? Sometimes I find l am so totally numb to everything that I have to seek extreme pleasure to feel anything at all?!

For sure.

In my case, the joïe de vivre existed years (nearly decades) before I experienced trauma/PTSD; it’s simply part of who I am, is in my nature.

 

[brokenpony]

i rarely just stop doing things (or trying and failing to do things), but i do go through long periods of profound numbness and disconnection from the world, in that i do do things and feel a vague motivation but i feel no connection to anything i'm doing or attachment to what i'm doing or desire to do it beyond the understood worse consequence of not doing it. i do things not because they make me feel good, but because i will feel worse if i don't do them, and in this way life itself comes to feel like, coercive. i feel like i'm living in underwater fog and just trying to hold onto everything long enough to not ruin my life, lose my job, etc. this is often coinciding with strong passive suicidal ideation. i call it anhedonia (and dysthymia), but it may not be purely that, because this is when i also crave adrenaline rush experiences to "wake me up" or defibrillate my brain. i know there are things out there that will probably make me feel alive, but they are extraordinary experiences, not ordinary ones. sometimes i will spend a lot of money to have an experience like that because i am desperate to "wake up," even for just a few minutes.

 

[Hedge]

Absolutely disgusting behavior. I am really sorry to hear that you had to experience such a traumatic event.

 

[Weemie]

I’m pretty hedonistic by nature, so when anhedo DOES crop up? It’s a very strange thing.

I find that hedonism and anhedonia go hand-in-hand. I struggle deeply with avolition, literally just doing shit. Emotional responses are just another thing and I don't like things, lmao.

I'm a hedonist in the sense that I act to preserve my peace and prioritize my desires before anything else. It's self-centered, but I stop before I violate the rights of another. So I'm not exploiting them.

Ironically because of my lack of feels, I don't really care that I don't have feels.

 

[hypervigilant]

"
I contacted Mind and got 6 weeks of 1 hr therapy for very little cost ( its based on what you can afford). If you have one in your area it's worth giving them a try, there may be a small waiting list but they were great and really helpful.
It's currently 2/3 years to see a psychiatrist or 2 weeks if you pay around £750 privately.
It also seems to be a postcode lottery with waiting lists different in each county.
Sorry, I'm an obvious technophobe.

Unfortunately I don't have the funds to try out different therapists and the national health system in the Uk is limited for options and long waiting lists for therapy.

 

[abovedown]

"
I contacted Mind and got 6 weeks of 1 hr therapy for very little cost ( its based on what you can afford). If you have one in your area it's worth giving them a try, there may be a small waiting list but they were great and really helpful.
It's currently 2/3 years to see a psychiatrist or 2 weeks if you pay around £750 privately.
It also seems to be a postcode lottery with waiting lists different in each county.
Sorry, I'm an obvious technophobe.

Congrats!

 

[identitycrisis]

Thank you all, I found some wisdom in brokenpony's reply about not doing things to feel good, but feeling worse if you don't do them. And I really relate to Weemie with the avolition. Example: it's taken me a month to reply!!! Lol.
The avolition really sucks, I think it's linked to my belief in having no value as a child, dissociating and then my years of heavy 'self medicating' with cannabis and other recreational drugs.
I'm even struggling to begin the 12 step recovery process through Narcotics Anonymous, even though I know that it will help me bring some spirituality into my bleak life.
Thank you hypervigilant, my local Mind charges £20 per session for counselling, but at the moment I'm attending CMH stabilisation groups with the possibility of then getting therapy.

 

[hypervigilant]

So pleased you are getting some help.

 

[identitycrisis]

Thank you hypervigilant
I'm not sure if the NHS will make much difference, as you know, the long term effects of trauma can require years of unlearning unhelpful mindsets and behavioural patterns, not something that a few weeks of CBT/CAT therapy can rectify.
Also, if our society is broken and I refuse to pretend that it isn't, a positive future is rather bleak.

 

[hypervigilant]

I agree it's such a struggle but I refuse to give up trying (it could be the adhd in me) I'm looking into funding for a grant.
It took 30 years to create this mess I deserve much more than a 6 week one hour session on self esteem and a 3 year waiting list.

 

[identitycrisis]

I hope you are successful with your quest my friend! I'll be interested to know how you get on with it all.

 

[hypervigilant]

Thankyou I will update the forum.