Is dissociation involuntary or voluntary?

[NewBeginnings]

I think it is involuntary but not sure why I really think that because I can do things so it doesn't happen as intensely.
And I may be atypical because my dissociation is not really for long periods of time.
When I first explained what happened - I said to my T that my mind skipped.. . I would be in a moment and then everything would get fuzzy, I get disoriented, a rock solid pit in my stomach, can't move, totally loose the conversation or any train of thought and then i shift back. my mind is super sharp to details of my surroundings. I need to move and I can't remember what happened prior. I hate it - i hate me - i am embarrassed (when with my T). And I almost don't realize it happens except that I loose the conversation and I can't hide the experience from my T which annoys me. The whole things lasts a few minutes and not for long periods of time. When I am not in T - I am not as aware and others are not noticing my behavior as closely so I don't have the judgement on myself and it may last a little longer but not very long.

 

[MyWillow]

Just wanted to follow up on this thread...I only recently realised I was dissociating during therapy sessions pretty severely with a fair amount of memory loss as well. My window of tolerance isn't exactly very open at the moment! I discussed this with my therapist as soon as I realised what had been happening...of course that conversation triggered a heap of dissociation that felt pretty traumatic rather than being protective.

So last session she pretty much played that experience down (I realised later that she didn't want me dwelling on it but focussing on stabilisation) and switched the conversation to my work and hobbies....after a little bit she pointed out how animated I am when talking about that stuff. I wasn't even aware so that was a good start. Then as she changed the direction of the conversation ever so slightly she asked if I could feel myself changing. I could and it was very unnerving. It was definitely involuntary. The freeze response. Then she switched back to talking about work and with a bit of effort I got back on track again. My boss really, really values my work and I said that I found that hard to accept. She asked me to sit with that feeling for a little and WOW I was heading down that dissociative path like a runaway train. Totally involuntary. And very unpleasant. But at least I now have an awareness of what it feels like in the earlier stages and can let her know. Previously I would have said: "now I'm here, now I'm gone - can't hear, see, talk, move or feel." And instead of being totally wiped out for weeks I was very drained for the rest of the day but bounced back much better after lots of rest. So I think now we are going to really focus on building that window of tolerance.

I do have vague memories of consciously dissociating as a kid. Plus I can compartmentalise memories and emotions in between therapy sessions and that's essentially using dissociation - in fact my therapist suggested I try it. So I still think it's not black and white.

 

[Lionheart]

When unaware that we dissociate, I think it is involuntary but, when we are aware of it, I think we have some control, I am just not sure how much control that is. :confused:

 

[Friday]

I daydream on purpose all the time.
I take a mental step backwards and apply professional distance on a regular basis.
I purposefully disavow pain and swagger on.
I trigger myself into certain kinds of flashbacks because I know how to deal with them.
Et cetera.

^^^
Just a few examples of voluntary disassociation.

It's all on a spectrum.

Is it voluntary or involuntary? Yes.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

When in front of the doc after he'd put his big hands on my breast something happened to my brain. It just shut off; then came back; then shut off, and I had nothing to say about it.
In garden when man grabbed my breast brain shut off and I willed myself back;
During bike/car crash same thing;
And Patricia my sis remembers things re: step-father I ought to but can't re: extreme torture/trauma (we're only 1yr. 7mo. apart in age); huge gaps in time where I auto dissociated multiple times; and I did not will myself to shut off; my brain from what I've read in books just protected me/itself by shutting itself off during extreme trauma/danger!
I believe this (dissociation) happened around father as well; don't and won't debate this; this is my personal experiences...

Oops! Almost forgot during E.M.D.R. Therapy brain wanted to shut off (dissociate) again and T said for me to come back...brain seemed to linger in this state of leaving, going, going...then I could feel my brain coming back on-line...and then I was back in the room again...