Childhood Is It Acceptable For A 6 Year Old Boy To Bathe With His Mother?

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not think it is a healthy thing to do. I have problems with it. I understand that it is normal for many people but all I see is that he is being sexualized at a age that he should be bathing alone.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Nicolette and @miss_isolated - actually the average age of weaning from the breast is 4 years old. In our culture we feel uncomfortable about it because breasts in our culture are sexualised. We associated breasts with sex. Most cultures around the world however - breasts are not sexual in any way; hence breastfeeding is not seen as 'yicky'. Other cultures have other body parts that are considered sexual. In Zambia for example - thighs are seen as very sexual - you do NOT wear short skirts there - it would be the equivalent of someone in our culture walking around with our private bits showing.

As for the bath thing I think it depends on the child. Once the child feel uncomfortable (or the parent) then it's probably time to have separate baths. I don't think it's sinister in any way if a 6 year old boy shares a bath with his mother. I shared a bed with my dad when I was 10 on occasion. It felt ok and it was comforting (after my mother died).

And yes - if have been sexually a used then yes, our perspectives are tainted - when y lose your innocence in this way, you can't get it back, and will see 'yick' even where and when it's not..

 

[Lucycat]

http://www.iamnotthebabysitter.com/breastfeeding-and-worldwide-average-age-of-weaning-2/
"The 4.2 year figure cited by Ruth Lawrence is clearly not valid, regardless of how useful people have found it for justifying extended breastfeeding. The 2.8 year figure cited in my work represents the median age (not the mean) for a cross-cultural sample of 64 traditional societies prior to the mid-20th century, not a current world-wide average." This quote comes from the above linked article by
Dr. Katherine A. Dettwyler

However I do not mean to take this thread off topic. Just to say that 4 years is not the average of weaning, so really has no relevance to whether a child should be bathing with his mother.

 

[Dee Morris]

Projecting my own bias here but I think it's inappropriate. It doesn't sound like he's being abused because he is open about it and it doesn't seem to be a secret. I never bathed with my children but was pretty open regarding nudity until about 3 or 4 years old. I don't have a problem with bathing with them per se. It's just an uncomfortable activity for me so I did not do it. Six just seems a bit old for communal bathing. I don't think I would say anything though. People do NOT like their parenting practices challenged.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Lucycat I will check out your link when I get more time. As part of my job I've needed to do a lot of study on breastfeeding and attended a lot of course run by lactation consultants. I would think they are most up to date with stats etc hence I relied on their info shared.

My point was, breastfeeding being seen as 'icky' and 'wrong' is much more to do with our culture and the sexualisation of breasts than it is about breastfeeding itself. The western way of viewing breastfeeding would be a minority viewpoint in the wider world.

it was relevant because it was mentioned by more than one poster, I just wanted to clarify why it is, that breastfeeding makes quite a lot of people (in our culture) uncomfortable.

I also wonder if in cultures where there is less sexualisation full stop, if a 6 year old bathing with his mother wouldn't e seen as not ok. Same could be said with bed sharing and co-sleeping - some in western culture co sleep with their babies and yet children; others see that as 'wrong' - yet in so many other cultures around the world, it's normal for an entire family to share the same sleeping space for years.

 

[Friday]

I'm on a parenting forum, and this Q pops up at least once a year.
Variations of nudity taboo Q's come up monthly.
With about 120 avg. responses it tends to split 70-80 yes & 40-50 no.
It's a fairly consistant ratio.

There's a wide variety of reasons behind people's reasonings that take into account everything that would make a sociologist proud (culture of origin, religion, traditions, generation/cohort effect, histories of abuse, etc.)

Which all boils down to the
Standard Parenting Answer : Different things are best for different families.

My own (mostly) Scandinavian family?
There's no nudity taboo.
Not only are 6yos bathing with their parents, but we've had 40+ naked people in 4 generations in hot springs, grand kids / kids/ parents/ grandparents all in some state of undress (including being hosed off in a line) at the beach, 6 kids 2 parents 1 bathroom doing the mad shower and rush to work & school. The 8yo whose quote of the year is "Soap is for losers" not even allowed to bathe on their own.

Culturally my family doesn't associate nudity with sex.
There's also no abuse profile in my family.
Which means for my family? No worries.

Other families have different rules, and different norms.
Both are fine.
Neither are sick / twisted (even though each tends to find other people's norms sick/twisted... Because neither views children as sex objects. Listening to the 2 sides argue is hilarious. You guys are arguing the same point! You just both have different ways of getting to the same point! You agree with each other! Yeesh.)

 

[Lucycat]

A point to note is that this thread has been moved. It started out in a sex abuse forum but has been moved to childhood. The reason I comment on this is because the original poster was concerned - otherwise it would not have been posted under the sex abuse forum. The perceived context has now changed to a general parenting issue that it was not originally.

 

[ghotiff]

There is an assumption that the parent is naked. My husband and kids (when they were younger) loved to have "daddy baths" but my husband wore his underwear in the bath as this made him more comfortable, and as the kids got older they sometimes did too (to be like daddy).

 

[contaminated]

I was sexually abused at that age so I'm a little biased. But it depends. If he openly said it and his mother didn't seem nervous or anything then it might be okay. But in my opinion...no. I think it's pretty inappropriate.

 

[Dee Morris]

Contaminated... same here. I have a memory of my Dad waking me up from a nap to take a bath with him. The only thing I remember about it was him touching me briefly and saying "what's that?" referring to my vagina. I am absolutely certain that experience has tainted my perception of what is/isn't appropriate.

 

[Bosco2153]

It's too old in MY family, because bathing with a 6 year old would require 'nestling' in the tub in order to fit...unavoidable. In my family, by around age 3, our children are already being taught a sense of privacy and learning that their bodies are 'their own'. They are learning that it is NOT okay to be touched in 'bathing suit areas' even by family members. To me, it's like spoon-feeding a child who can feed themselves. At 6 years old, most kids can wash themselves to some degree, so why would you do it? . They just need me to keep them safe, and maybe wash their hair or help scrub their ears and toes. I personally don't want my child to have memories of my private body parts in their face or being leaned into or whatever at the same time I'm teaching them about privacy. Why would I want my child to get comfortable with the sense of being nude against an adult body? I don't doubt that this parent is just parenting and doesn't see a reason not to do this. But is there a reason TO do it? If not, then why do it? I don't want one of their memories to be of being naked in the tub with me.