Is it always better to face than avoid? what is your experience?

[Chiqui]

I have an hour and a half to decide to stay at home and face the presence for three/four days of my laws or going those days away and staying with my parents. I feel I left home not for the right reasons, but wanting to scape. They talk a lot and several stressors come up when they are near. Last time I went very angry, because she crossed my bounderies and I felt cheated. I wanted to slap her, but I didn't. To stay means the possibility of stand up for my self, but also I feel afraid of not be able of selfcontrol. What would your suggestion for me? Thanks

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I have an hour and a half to decide to stay at home and face the presence for three/four days of my laws...

Sometimes, It is OK to avoid. Facing everything can lead to exhaustion. You've got limited energy. Use it wisely. Is there any cost to not facing them? What is the cost of facing them? Based on your post, the cost of facing them is stress, and I am guessing unnecessary or purposeless. I don't know what is the cost of not facing them. If it's them being just blah and nothing else and you getting to relax and have a peace of mind then not very costly. On the other hand, if it is let's say business related or important negotiations about settling shared property, it would be wiser to face them. I am learning that I don't have to deal with everyone; I don't have to respond to everyone.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@MariaY How does your hubby feel about all of this? Is he sympathetic with your point of view???? IMO! What he should do, is tell his parents that it's an uncomfortable topic for you and to pay respect to you, he should ask them to refrain as it is your home too..... JMO, and in a world where people have empathy and understanding of mental illness this is what "should" happen, not necessarily what does...

 

[Chiqui]

Based on your post, the cost of facing them is stress, and I am guessing unnecessary or purposeless

Yep, this is. Thank you very much. Also my energy is limited and I want to choose how and what for I use it.Yes, I am on the train station right now :)

 

[digger]

Always? No. Sometimes it pays more to pick your battles.

 

[Chiqui]

in a world where people have empathy and understanding of mental illness this is what "should" happen, not necessarily what does...

Yes. No much to say about my hubby. I have explained to her twohundref times what is happening to me. She got it, more or less. The thing I can behave «normal» for long periods of time, and she believes I am cured, so I don't need my meds andmay be I am laying...? So, I am fed up. It os something I have to stand for myself. My hubby has chronical pain and also ptsd, so I do very much the rol of a caretaker. I haven't have any free time for a long time, and now seems accurate. So I am at the train station right now. No need to explain myself more neirher feel «wrong» Some peiple do not want to face mental illness. It is her problem, not mine. Thanks She cat :-)

 

[Chiqui]

Always? No. Sometimes it pays more to pick your battles.

I have been told for too long, face it, face it. Do not be an small girl. Now I now all rhe battles do not need to be faced. I want to choose only the ones I want. Thank you! I apreciatte very much all your comments!

 

[Deleted member 541]

@MariaY Sorry that you have to make the choice to leave your home, because someone is so ignorant that they can't see how their words affect another person, especially after being asked repeatedly to not do it.... on the positive side, you get to spend quality time with people that do understand. Enjoy your time!!!!

 

[Chiqui]

@MariaY Sorry that you have to make the choice to leave your home, because someone i...

Yes, thank you!! I am planning countryside walks, seaside warms coffees, and homemade meals. Its warmer here. A well deserved break, I will take it on this way :rolleyes:
And I want to thank you very much for your previous comment, She Cat. It helped me to decide :)

 

[Chiqui]

Funny to read my thread six months after. She, my morher in law, has learned the lesson. After I left on January, I cutted her of from whatssap, after the last drop flowed the glass. She was sending me post of Christian caracter. I am very very sensible towards any religious content. And also told her so, previously, but she kept sending them!!! What I did was cutted the comunication with her for 4 months. I was angry and I was right. She is now veeeery much tacteful and concern, so we have a good and saner comunication and relationship. Wish it would last forever.