Is It Live Or Is It Memorex?

[Abstract]

Hi,

I am glad he showed a little more cooperation. I hope that continues.

I have read a few of your threads recently and it sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate and your health is in jeopardy too. When I realised you were thinking of leaving and this would mean homelessness then I realised things in the relationship must be really bad for you. It's hard for me to even imagine struggling with the PTSD and related stuff and being out on the streets. I'm lucky that I haven't had to deal with that before. But I also understand that sometimes the cost of emotional stuff is enormous when we have a past and are battling that. That sometimes we have to remove ourselves no matter the cost as the price of staying is too high (for us). Only you can weigh up the pros and cons and decide what is in your best interests.

I truly hope you can find a third way that is good enough at the moment and leaves you some space for safety. And I hope he can step up to the situation and help you and himself with that too. It sounds like there has been a lot that has been good so lets hope that carries things through for you both. It may be that a little shift for you both can make this OK and allow you to get through it. I do hope so.

It sounds like this situation parallels when you left a past abusive relationship (guessing the narcissistic ex) in some respects and you ended up homeless after. That alone must be bringing up a whole minefield of complex emotions and potential triggers. I know that prising apart all that and the present would be a very hard task for me.

What I am recognising about my part in all of this is that I must hold no attachment to the outcome (of any of it). Just be prepared. I won't try to manipulate situations. Just observe and make the moves I need to. That will provide me the the empowerment necessary to follow through with whatever I need to do.

This sounds very wise to me. It may be abstract at present ( ;) everything is to me always ) but you can do a little bit of homework and then trust yourself to intuitively judge things as you go. Abstract is just fine really. The rest comes when it comes.

Don't rule out your ability to earn an income if you can do so. It's not the right time to prise that apart but I do believe that there can sometimes be potential options open that are doable and that we haven't thought of. Depending on many things of course and health and timing especially. Sometimes work isn't possible. I know nothing about your situation in this regard! Just know that there are sometimes options we haven't yet considered. That at least has happened to me and others I know and I hope that is the case for you.

 

[shimmerz]

I have read a few of your threads recently and it sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate

Wow. Why hadn't that even occurred to me? I really need to tune in more I think. But yes, I suppose this would be considered a lot going on wouldn't it?

I have such an unbelievably skewed image of my own life. I suppose everything is relative. After what has happened these past ten years, this hasn't really registered as being big.

@She Cat, I am so very sorry. I went off on your comment and it was not at all called for. I hadn't mentioned the homeless aspect of all of this at all in this posting until then. That causes me to realize that I am more reactive to this than I think I am. Please forgive.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@shimmerz You do not apologize to me... Now that I get more of the picture, I understand a bit better the kind of trap that you feel caught in. I'm sorry, and I hope that someday you can find a way to make all of this work for you, and maintain a roof over your head too.

Little steps towards that goal, will eventually lead to bigger steps.....

 

[shimmerz]

Much appreciated @She Cat and much respect for you as a class act.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Shimmerz
Sorry that I'm late in getting here. Sending you big hugs.

I don't think I can add anything to what has already been posted on boundaries and responsibility
And can understand the urge you feel to help and to be useful (I really get the useful urge too. I think it stems from a deep assumption of not being good enough, so I have to be useful).

On the time of year
I agree that it is probably your head trying to spot patterns.
A couple of examples from before I was 10, they seem nutty now, but back then, I really believed in their power to predict the future.
Being forced to eat custard was a sure sign that I would be sent before the headmaster who scared the hell out of me. The only question was when, and that wait for the inevitable was horrible. I still feel uncomfortable eating custard.

Seeing a single magpie from the school bus was a similar omen.

Hope these help you a little


:hug:@