Is It Me Or Her Ptsd?

[Kirill617]

Jawn

 

[Powder]

She didn't spend a weekend in the hospital for nothing. Wow, that must have been some panic attack or it was an attempt on her life. Be careful because she is testing out her ability to be in a normal relationship on you.
This is like an emotional minefield for PTSD sufferers who had an abusive relationship of any kind.

Trust will take over 10 years to come back at all, and even then, in short spurts, not 24-7. Can you deal with that? Are you willing to support and shield her when necessary, and go to counseling to find out how?

The work you do with her could really help her revive her trust in men. But you gotta be committed or just get out of the way. I hear in your posts that you are committed and I think you really love her and want to be there for her. Good. She may really need that.

I probably wouldn't be alive if my husband didn't do what you are doing, (although I didn't get PTSD from an abusive boyfriend.) He has restored my faith in men, although I will always have trouble trusting men as much as women. It took about 10 years of marriage for me to feel total trust with him and to let go of my fears. Yeah! How much proof does one woman need? Well, tell that to the PTSD. ;)

Thank you for your compassion for this woman.

 

[Kirill617]

She's in th hospital all week now and I think gets out tomorrow, I found out from one of her friends Facebook posts because she hasn't said anything to me for over a week. I still have no idea what happened. I'm hoping she will see my compassion and that I truly care and want to be there for her. I wish I knew everything I know now before, so I would be more careful about the things I say to her.

 

[Tinyflame]

Don't blame yourself Kirill. And give her a chance to try to get on her feet a bit at home. No expectation. She might even talk to you then, important for her to know you're 'there' and not 'going' anywhere but no pressure. And if it was SI-related that it's good she's 'here'.

 

[Kirill617]

I really feel like it was my fault, after I asked her for a bj that's when everything changed , maybe her ex forced her to do things. And then I was sending her texts for a few days asking what happened and if we are breaking up, Maybe I overwhelmed her with all the questions. Her phone is off all week she wrote on Facebook on Monday

 

[anthony]

There is no point feeling guilty, you couldn't have known if she didn't tell you / won't tell you. Now you know things have an impact to the point of this extent, as stated previously, just leave all that type of discussion alone and you will have to get to know her all over again due to PTSD. Safety and security take time to feel, along with trust.

 

[Powder]

Hi Kirill,
No guilt. There is a lot you haven't been told, and that is scary. Within reason, I think you have the right to ask questions to clarify things. Without knowing the extent of her boundaries now with PTSD, you are in a mine field, not knowing what triggers her. And she may not be at the point when she is strong enough to tell you. All she has said is that she has PTSD. This is too little information upon which to base an intimate relationship.

Without asking for details or prying, you have the right to ask where her triggers lie or what the boundaries are, so you don't accidentally cross them. This is for your mutual benefit. She may not be able to answer you just like that, and that's okay. Maybe the trauma is too fresh. There will be times when she feels good and you can do no wrong. Then, there are going to be other times when that mole hill suddently turned into Mt. Everest.

About your compassion, we see it, but she may not be able to so easily due to the trauma she has been through. If you are gentle and persistent, she may begin to see it.

I broke up with every single guy after a week or two, wouldn't let them get close to me, because of my PTSD. This was not going to stop although it was miserable lonely. My husband was the only one who was strong and persistent. He'd show up at my door and say that it wasn't fair of me to chuck him out of my life because of my pain because now that he loved me, I was causing him pain by breaking up with him. He kept doing this, even letting me get angry and blame him for my pain. He would even cry from what I said to him. But he wouldn't give me up. After about five times, I finally stopped pushing him away like that.

 

[Tinyflame]

,
No guilt. There is a lot you haven't been told, and that is scary. Within reason, I think you have the right to ask questions to clarify things. Without knowing the extent of her boundaries now with PTSD, you are in a mine field, not knowing what triggers her. And she may not be at the point when she is strong enough to tell you. All she has said is that she has PTSD. This is too little information upon which to base an intimate relationship.

Without asking for details or prying, you have the right to ask where her triggers lie or what the boundaries are, so you don't accidentally cross them. This is for your mutual benefit. She may not be able to answer you just like that, and that's okay. Maybe the trauma is too fresh. There will be times when she feels good and you can do no wrong. Then, there are going to be other times when that mole hill suddently turned into Mt. Everest.

About your compassion, we see it, but she may not be able to so easily due to the trauma she has been through. If you are gentle and persistent, she may begin to see it.

..He kept doing this, even letting me get angry and blame him for my pain. He would even cry from what I said to him. But he wouldn't give me up. After about five times, I finally stopped pushing him away like that.

Had to quote much of Muse because she's so correct, I think: like Anthony said, no guilt, awareness and communication, her being able, timing, persistence, her tackling her own traumas and reactions- all these factors come into play.
-Please don't feel badly.

 

[goingonhope]

Would it be a good idea to tell her about these conversations, Maybe she will have questions herself.

I don't know Kirill, I guess I'm wondering too what others here think about this question?

Goingonhope

 

[anthony]

If she is in hospital... then I don't think burdening her with anything here is going to help things alone right now. I would honestly stick with the simple approach myself, being sit with her, listen if she wants to talk, just let her know you're their, and do little else than help her if she asks... otherwise, don't become a bother to her, which only adds in her books as a stressor at this time. She obviously isn't coping if she has been hospitalized for PTSD.

 

[Kirill617]

All is left is for her to call me now. Hope this wasn't all in vain if she doesn't wanna talk to me.

I shouldn't think like that, I learnt things I would never have know if it wasn't for her.

 

[goingonhope]

Kirill, Have you read any of the articles yet that Jawn suggested? There are many there that could be most helpful; They cover a lot of areas and if memory serves me discusses things like healthy relationships and boundaries and far more. Check it out if you will.

Oh' And, then of course there is Wiki - All about Ptsd.

Anyhow, I've been seeing you around online, ......Take Care Kirill!

Goingonhope