Is It Ok To Require My Partner To Get Therapy?

[Agoke]

He's been diagnosed with TBI and PTSD yet tries to handle it all on his own. I'd feel much more comfortable being with him if I knew he was getting the help he needs. Problem is, how do I convince him of this?

 

[Kezukuv]

Not sure if "require" is the word I would use, though I will base my answer on your terminology.

If by require you mean, "go to therapy or this is over," then that is your choice, but certainly one that I as a PTSD sufferer, would likely walk away from my partner as a result. A choice, basically. If he is not ready to attend therapy, then his choice is limited.

If you mean you would like him to attend therapy to better himself so that your relationship can improve... that would be nice, but honestly, him wanting to go it alone isn't idiotic either, providing he has the right tools and isn't just trying to push himself past everything without the education to understand what is happening within him.

Self education is extremely powerful. To read, learn what therapists learn, to work on your own issues proactively, in your own time, can do some of the best work. Seeing a therapist every now and then, also good, as they can help in some areas, with ideas from experience, that you may not have thought of or read.

I started with therapy... and let me just say, it was useless. I got little from it and would have been in it still today. Instead, I went it alone. Yes, that decision cost me another relationship, yet here I am a decade later a much different person than the always highly symptomatic, complex, messed up, individual I was due to my own years of trauma.

All of my own healing, my recovery, my goals, were done by going it alone, self education, asking lots of questions here to strangers around the world in order to get ideas, feedback, to act as my therapy loop.

Us guys can be difficult, stubborn and more, I understand that. This will certainly be a difficult decision for you IMHO. Maybe you could see a trauma expert yourself and ask them what it is for him to expect from therapy, so you can have an informed discussion with him first?

 

[Cige]

It is ok to set boundaries, such as saying that you have to limit your time with someone if they don't get help. It is not ok to tell to order them to do so.

 

[Gobeh]

Good luck requiring a combat vet to do anything (just figured combat vet because of the TBI and PTSD combo).

If you require it, make sure it is a 100% deal breaker for you if he doesn't go.

 

[Pacupe]

Suggest that you go to therapy to understand how and if you want to deal with his symptoms. The BEST relationships are those where you don't expect change!!!

" If only..." is no way to live this one life.

The Voice of Experience.

 

[Agoke]

I've gone. He won't go. He can be the best at times, but other times treats me so poorly. He refuses to see there's a "problem" and will even flip it around on me sometimes- anything to not face himself.

 

[Ovah]

Good luck requiring a combat vet to do anything (just figured combat vet because of the TBI and PTSD combo).

If you require it, make sure it is a 100% deal breaker for you if he doesn't go.

Yep. What he/she said.
My (now dead) marine wouldn't go to the VA or any medical facility for anything....ptsd related or not. It was insanely frustrating to make appointments for him which he would agree to but then flake out on last minute.

He knew there was a problem within him, but (1/2 time anyway.....other times he blamed the world)he did not trust civilians at the VA. And frankly he probably shouldn't. People say insane things. Just because someone works in an environment geared toward helping does not mean they will succeed. Sometimes they take sh*t out on vets.
However. He trusted me. And because he trusted me, I could act as a medium between his psychiatrist and him, to get much needed medications precribed. So he was able to get treatment at home thAt radically improved his life quality....and mine. But it didn't solve everything. He was still a deeply hurting man who ultimately lost the will to live.

Sometimes I think I should have pushed harder for a treatment program like saveawarrior d0t 0rg. But reality is only he could choose that path. Me trying to force it would have been detrimental to the marriage and would have failed in getting him help.

Do the best you can, but think really hard whether this is a deal breaker for you.

 

[Ezow]

I'm not a vet, but I agree. If my husband would of tried to force me, the relationship would of been OVER. I decided I needed help, then he helped me find the right people and even made my first appt for me. I love him for how he went about it, forcing or trying to force someone with PTSD will blow up in your face pretty much every time. No one wants to be told what to do like a child.