Is it okay to tell a child that santa clause is real?

[Anarchy]

Superstition was used to emotionally abuse me

Be good or santa won't bring you any present, is not a helpful message for a child who could never be good enough to be good enough.

The rhyme
"one for sorrow, two for joy,
Three for a girl..."

Provided omens foretelling inescapable and inevitable trouble on its way to me.

Santa, god, school teachers, doctors, the filth cops, the state...

were all special beings imbued with special powers over me, and all kept records of how good or how bad I'd been,

Records that would follow me around everywhere that i ever went, and be used against me forever more.

Do your kids are favour,
Leave the superstitious bullshit with all of its implicit threats, completely out of their lives

Show them with actions, that some people and some principles can be trusted, and that they (kids) can be loved unconditionally

I hate christmas with a passion, and with bloody good reason.

 

[Freida]

In a trauma household where you never know what the rules are - an imaginary person who knows what you are doing and when you are awake so he can determine if you are worthy of a gift is probably traumatizing

In a "normal" household an imaginary person who knows what you are doing and when you are awake so he can tell if you have been good and bring you presents is part of the magic of childhood. Most kids outgrow believing in him --- but they still have the memories of the fun they had. Fun that they will want to pass on to their kids.

 

[littleoc]

Superstition was used to emotionally abuse me

Be good or santa won't bring you any present, is not a...

If I do incorporate Santa and superstition into my children's lives (many comments here are telling me that I can consider it without as much fear as I thought) then I will remember what you said, very clearly, because it's basically what I'm afraid of. I will never let my kids think that they aren't worthy enough for me or a spirit of Santa, and I'm so very sorry that that happened for you. In a way, I get that.



Thank you so far, everyone who has commented! You have comforted me and given me ideas and different views that are more helpful than my own was, and helped me see how I was seeing it and exactly what I am really trying to avoid. Thank you very much

 

[TruthSeeker]

Superstition was used to emotionally abuse me

Be good or santa won't bring you any present, is not a...

I am sorry to hear that you can't see holidays in a positive light and that it was turned into something negative. For many people, holidays are difficult. For my special needs students at school, this is a particularly difficult time of year. Be well.

 

[shimmerz]

Who did you want Santa to be when you were little? When I have a hard time grasping a concept from a non-traumatized pov, I usually look at that and then ask friends what their thoughts of Santa was when they were little. How did their parents present Santa to them? How did they learn Santa wasn't real?

I still remember when I was told by school kids that Santa wasn't real. By then, I had been lied to so much in my young life that I believed everything -- so when I learned the truth I wasn't even mortified that my parents had lied to me. That, to me, would be a consideration. But that's just me.

 

[littleoc]

Who did you want Santa to be when you were little? When I have a hard time grasping a concept from a...

Hey, that's a really good idea to use for all my fears/distortions... Thank you! I think I wanted Santa to be... someone who kept bringing us joy? For my dad -- who, by the way (for context) was a psychopath with no empathy -- Santa was the one who brought us THINGS to love, especially quiet toys. My mom baked loads and loads of cookies to give away until she hurt, and we'd end up with baked goods too. So, things and food. It felt like Santa was the things part. I'm trying really hard to think back and thing of anything else -- so clearly that's something to think about too (but not too hard, just enough to get it).

For my special needs students at school, this is a particularly difficult time of year.

I'm guessing this isn't a Santa thing, though, but please wish your students well during the holidays for us :) Just let them know that people do care outside of their families, that ought to be vague enough :P

 

[Fadeaway]

Here is the thing. I loath the concept.. I think it is cruel to any child whose parents either can't afford or choose not to get the child what they asked Santa for. Before I figured out he wasn't real I though I was a bad kid because he never brought me gifts. Truth was my grandmother just hated Christmas because her birthday was 2 days before Christmas, and didn't care how that affected me.

What really made me loath the concept though was how when school started again and kids would compare gifts, it was so obvious that "santa" favored the rich kids and hated kids whose parents had little money.

I guess if you can afford to indulge your kids it is fine, but it can affect the self esteem of a child whose parents can't affords nice gifts.

 

[Hooper]

I came at this from a different angle than you did. In dealing with my wife's rapist I had some major problems. My problem as it relates to Santa, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny is we teach children they are real which is a lie. It's not a lie that does great damage in my opinion but other lies do. When my children were young they would run into our room for whatever reason it was but the version we go was there was a monster in their closet. I told my therapist in my house Santa and company are real but monsters do not exist. All the above are lies. I enjoy the good lies but the greatest disservice I'm doing my kids is teaching them monsters are not real when they are very real. I am going to reeducate them but I don' t see the harm in Santa like lies. The monster lies are very dangerous. Being a father changed my world view. Life is no longer about me. It's about my kids who will get very detailed educations on the fact monsters are real and how difficult they can be to spot. I hate it but I'd hate myself if a lie I taught them hurt them as only a true monster can.

 

[littleoc]

I came at this from a different angle than you did. In dealing with my wife's rapist I had some major p...

When they're old enough, I suppose. Right now they're worried about wolves and demons in closets -- warn them in a way that doesn't frighten them too much!

 

[Hooper]

Littleoc,
I have never been raped but I almost was at 13-14 by a master manipulator. Predators are very good at what they do. That said they have a lot of things in common. They are most likely people we know and have access to us. They don't immediately go from A to Z. They ease their way in over time. My kids are 6 and 11. I do not plan on scaring them but making them aware. At 48 I still misjudge people. I don't figure it out until they are close but I end up figuring it out. As for strangers they are the minority but you just have to pay attention. In fact the foundation of my talk is going to be paying attention because it applies to so many areas of life. It can cost you money, make you money, kill you or keep you around for another day. Thanks for your concern. Much appreciated.
hooper