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Is it possible that traumatized people mostly enter in relationships with other traumatized persons mashing their relationship toxic

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What @Ronin said... coupled with the fact that playing out in your relationships? Doesn’t make the insight/observation any less valuable. The opposite. Being able to recognize the patterns in your life and your relationships is the MOST valuable perception to be able to achieve. Because it’s in your own life that you live, and have the power to truly effect change (if wanted/desired). A thing doesn’t have to be true for everyone else, or most... to be true for you.

By dropping the generalizations to look at my own life and patterns? I’m not only able to get real traction in my own life... but I’m able to find others, with the same patterns, who’ve gotten either more traction (and able to learn from) or less (and able to kick my own experiences their way).... OR... who do things wildly differently than I do & learn from them and their experiences/choices. Or even just knowing that my own are not set in stone. There are other ways to do things, some I’ll admire / some I’ll recoil from, some that are just different. By changing my perspective from translating my situation out onto everyone else? I can actually make a lot more connections, just by shifting my perspective.

Which is what it sounds like what you’re trying to achieve... connecting with people who have walked -or are walking- the path you’re on?

Venn Diagram Style
- Codependency following trauma / with trauma complications
- Codependency in and of itself
- Unhealthy long term relationships following trauma / with complications
- Unhealthy long term relationships
- Healthy long term relationships following trauma / with complications
- Healthy long term relationships
- etc.

All interlacing circles wih valuable information in each, and your own unique situation at the point of intersection.

Your own unique situation doesn’t have to translate in whole, to still be relatable; nor do the points of commonality have to extend outward to all/most to be vitally important in your own life :)
 
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@airdog I think your focus on 'normal' as opposed to traumatized is a core belief worth working on... not reality.

Also playing out in *your* relationships - because they are yours - but by no means applicable in other relationships... or world at large.

If you relate better to trauma survivors, awesome...
But that says zilch about how non-trauma people relate to others, themselves.

If your assumption non-traumatized people don't relate was universally correct, I'd lack many very close friends. Some of who I dated back in the day, for a few years.

These generalizations reflect on you, your life & experiences... but not on the dating world.

Well maybe you're right Ronin, which is very possible. And that's why I asked the question, I was curious to find out what others thought about the subject. Again thank you all for your input.
 
Hello
I'm new too.
I am in a relationship with a traumatized person too, and it's often so hard to cope with all that. Sometimes I think I can't deal with it anymore but we're such a soulmate couple, that I just take it all and try to overcome it.
My god it's such work and tears and distress but I love him so much that I just bear it and it's gonna get better!
 
Sorry new to this forum so hope I won't say something I'm not supposed to.
My thinking goes like this: I'm damaged goods and what "normal" person would be interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with that.
So (and I know this from long experience) people like me are most likely to bond with other damaged goods and I would add that very often their relationship is based on codependance.
Which has the consequence that if one of the partners wants to get better, either both partners try to evolve together or the relationship undergoes even much greater stress than is already the case.

What do you think?

If you think you are damaged goods you are not damaged goods!!! This is something that we as Survivors need to convince ourselves of in order to survive.
 
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