Is it possible to be in denial for a second time????

[SwordsPandaGirl]

Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place, I wasn't sure where to put it.

Before I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years back I went though a denial stage. Denying what had happened in my past and that all the abuse did not happen. That's when good old PTSD struck me with a vengeance because I could not longer deny what happened and went on to seek help.

Fast forward to lately. I've finally been feeling better these past couple of months. Ups and downs but manageable and finally things started to make sense to me, which hadn't happened for a long time. That was until yesterday.

I thought I'd finally accepted the past and was able to begin moving forward however, yesterday was the first time in over a year that I had spoken about the abuse and opened to a friend about it. I was very wrong about thinking I could handle it.

Today I am freaking out. I'm starting to feel depressed again and like I can't function at all. (It's taken me so much time and therapy to be in a place where I could do day to day things) I can't stop the memories from flooding in and it's so overwhelming after a long period of feeling better. Is it possible I have been in denial again for a second time? Can that happen ? I feel myself slipping back to how things used to be :(

Any help or advice would be very appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read xxx

 

[IamJenna]

Hey. I don't have any advice. Just wanted to let u know that I really relate to what u have said so much!
I do seem to go into denial without even knowing.
It's a very subtle sneaky kind of denial.
I too have done a fair bit of counselling.
Just as I get to a point where I feel like I'm functioning even with moments of peace. I feel as though I've really turned a corner then BAM all the feelings & memories come flooding back like a slap in the face.
I've gone through it recently again. Once I get triggered, this time was by my mum talking through an incident that happened to me in childhood. I went straight back there again.
I guess the difference is I have counselling to fall back on & more understanding on that this is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
I guess there's more work to be done. There's more to be processed & hopefully it will lessen into a more manageable feeling. Things have improved as there were never these times of peace before.
But yeah it would be nice if it just stayed that way hey!! Lol not yet I suppose.
I'm having to just keep grounding myself. Feel the feelings.
I've been told to stomp out the fear & anger & to do something physical so that I get connected to my body instead of dissociating. As I suffer really badly with dissociation when it all feels too much. Just gunna have to take it easy for a bit. & try to be gentle & kind to myself. The traumatised part of me is obviously in a lot of stress right now from being triggered again. & the adult me can now soothe that part of myself with the right help & support.
Hope it passes for u quickly too! X

 

[EveHarrington]

Did you ever process your trauma? To me it sounds like last time you managed to finally get it in a box and close the lid......but since processing didn't happen, when you opened the lid again, all those old/bad feelings started coming out again. Of course I could be wrong.

 

[BlueOrange]

I thought I'd finally accepted the past and was able to begin moving forward however, yesterday was the first time in over a year that I had spoken about the abuse and opened to a friend about it. I was very wrong about thinking I could handle it.

I find that the theory of Structural Dissociation helps me to understand these kinds of things. (There's a thread with Structural Dissociation in the title that you can search for if you find it interesting.)

From the way you've described things, it sounds like there was one event that resulted in you having PTSD, and that this event (that you thought you were done with) is causing you problems again.

SD theory says that people should follow three stages in treating PTSD:
1) Stabilize the patient (make things safe enough that they aren't hurting themselves too much)
2) Address the phobia of remembering the facts of what happened
3) Address the phobia of remembering the feelings of what happened

My suspicion is that you've gone from completing one of those stages to starting the next one. What might have happened is that you got comfortable with talking about the facts of what happened to you (which is really difficult to do), and weren't ready to go through the process of remembering and talking about the feelings of what happened to you.

There does come a point when you're dealing with this stuff where you might have to put the lid back on the box in order to survive (which is pretty much what happened when the trauma first became a problem). That's not necessarily a bad thing. And sometimes, what you manage to do is to take some of the stuff out of the box, and you don't notice that there are other things still in the box. Which is brilliant thing from the point of view of getting on with life at the time, but can be quite unpleasant and surprising when you later discover that the box isn't empty after all.

The really really good thing is that you've had some practice at taking things out of boxes, and handling them, and it didn't kill you. That practice that you've had is going to be useful, and I think it's likely that you'll handle things more effectively than the first time around.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It happens to me, sometimes and then more things surface and the new realizations come and then another total change of perspective and views. I could go on and on, but it represents more healing and recovery. It is shocking to discover that you have been in denial and not known it after working so hard on your recovery and healing process

 

[NatBird]

This makes sense. Things don't tend to come all at once. There are many layers to the re membering process. There often needs to be in order for us to survive, make it to this point. If you can, please be compassionate, gentle with you.