Is It Time For Me To Go?

[Tinyflame]

I have been aware for a long time how my own reactions or behaviour or management of ptsd can impact on others, and have tried to not allow it to do so, or to be a burden (not always successfully :( )

It just occurred to me, however, that I believe that those around me are doing better now- they are happy, and more 'secure' in their own happiness, and that makes me happy for them, and I'm wondering (or feeling) that maybe now it is a good time to 'make an exit Stage left', as it were, partially because I don't want to risk bringing them down in the future, and partially because I think that maybe it is 'good timing'- like that saying about "..a season, a reason, etc".

Not sure if that's a 'good' choice or a ptsd-influenced one.
Thanks for any input.

 

[Mrs. T]

I don't know if I have advice to offer, but as a supporter I can tell you that I would be very upset if someone I love assumed it was best for me, if they left. I guess it also depends what you mean by leaving. If you mean leaving leaving, I'd probably be mad if someone I loved left me, maybe especially when things are going well for me.

Then again, I don't know your relationship with these people and to what extent you want to leave. If I were you, I would try and find a way to ask them, being cautious of the well-meaning/kind but perhaps not 100% honest words they may say.

(((((junebug)))) That's not an easy thing...

 

[KP the nut]

, partially because I don't want to risk bringing them down in the future, and partially because I think that maybe it is 'good timing'- like that saying about "..a season, a reason, etc".

(((JB)))

Just my personal opinion BUT, I think you need to do what is best for you. It is time to be selfish. Caring and supporting others is great but you must put yourself first.

Do you really feel able to support yourself and manage PTSD without the forum? Only you can decide, BTW, I'd miss you :). Others need to do what is necessary for them, you won't bring them down, they will do that themselves. It is their choice to read your posts, if it is affecting them, they must stop reading. Not you stop from posting.

I'm sure Anthony has put something about us being responsible for ourselves somewhere.

Please think carefully. Of course if you do decide to leave, you can always pop in to see us.

(((HUGS)))

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Junebug)))))))

If you are speaking about leaving the forum, I'd be terribly sad but cheering you on if that is what is healthy for you.

If you are speaking of some people in your life who do not give back to you what you put out in effort, then I do hope you'll search for more supportive people.

If you are speaking suicide by body or by isolation...then I understand the feelings but that would be the PTSD speaking.

Are you feeling the need to escape as an 'all or nothing' thing? Or...is there somewhere in the middle, such as pulling back and putting that time into things you like?

 

[Mrs. T]

It's quite possible (especially from reading the other responses) that I misunderstood you. Feel free to disregard what I said.

I agree with all of the above 100%

 

[The Albatross]

(((Junebug)))) It isn't about bringing other people (who seem to be doing better...) down or because "it is good timing". This is one of those so very few times when it truly is "all about you" or rather all about us. Is there progress to be made? How are you? Try try try to avoid the pitfalls of judging youself against your perceptions of others... because it's time to go when YOU say it is. Everything else is not important.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear 'everyone', thank you for your responses, I originally meant as per what Mrs. T had referred to, in that the forum 'no-didn't mean that'- in that everyone has been so kind and I care for and about many people here- (and hopefully do not burden them, yikes). But your answers actually cover so much, I really have to ' think'. But that's why I asked, I value your feedback and am trying to make sense of it.

I didn't realize there were so many parts to it- you are right. All of what's been said applies.

Am on a borrowed computer so hope the 'likes' are showing(!)

I have so many 'thoughts' running around my head, from 'self-sabotage' to trying to figure out what's 'best' for others, that I don't know what to think, can't make sense of it.

It took so long to grasp that I had ('have') rights to choices, that now I'm not sure if the choices are 'bad' for others.
Oddly enough, because they seem happy. -(?), go figure. I guess a 'normal' person would just think: "(Maybe) I am managing my ptsd better, and am not being so burdensome". Whereas 'me', I have to question whether that means it'd be better if I wasn't there.

 

[Tinyflame]

And as it was mentioned- 'all or nothing'- black or white thinking- has some role.

 

[mamachick]

Junebug I wish you would elaborate a little more because I try not to assume what you are meaning. At first I thought you were talking about the people in your life, then maybe you are speaking of the forum. At first I thought you were meaning removing yourself physically from a particular environment, then considered (knowing how I sometimes feel) that you may mean removing yourself from the world.

You are a great asset to the forum. I know you are a great asset to those around you. You are a great asset to the world. I know that is not a reason to stay anywhere. More importantly, you are not responsible for others-anywhere. I am glad others around you are doing good, and know you contribute to that, but you are not responsible for others happiness.

Life is about relating, relationships, be it co workers, lover, children, parents, or people at the supermarket. We relate all day long. It is unreasonable to think that all humans that are happy today will not be unhappy again on another day. Pain will come to them, with or without us. Sometimes we will cause it, sometimes we will help repair it. Sometimes we well be injured in the middle of it.

So while I know that it is about "you" like others have pointed out, we dont live in a vacuum. We are always relating to others. There is a time to support others, there is a time to lean on others. There is a time to let others be there for us. This is very hard for me, and Im guessing it might be for you too.

Sometimes there are such toxic people in our lives that we do need to remove ourselves from them for our own survival.

Junebug, you will never be responsible for bringing others down. People who are healthy are able to hear and know our hurts, be empathetic and compassionate, and not let it take them down. If it does, it is their issue to work on. If they have any insight, they know that. You are one of the most caring and giving people I know on this forum and I want you to know that you can always lean my way.
Big (((hugs))), Brat

 

[mamachick]

It took an hour to finish my last post because of phone interuptions so I apologize that by the time I posted, you had clarified.

(((Junebug))) nothing would be better without you

 

[Mina]

Keep in mind, Junebug, that you've probably played a role in those people's happiness, as you've been a part of the journey that got them to that point :)

 

[KP the nut]

(((JB))), I assumed folk on forum.

But what ever it is, please put yourself first. Either here are in the real world you will have people who support you.

I suppose the best anology I can make is my girls (22 & 25) choose a boyfriend. Whatever I/H/We think we are with them, it is their lives and all we can do is support them and be there for them if/when they need us.

You have my support whatever.