Is my t being reckless by suggesting emdr?

[Scarlet13]

Ok, so I am going to point out the attachment perspective.
I always feel that you have attachment struggles and that you fight it. You try to in many subtle ways avoid or deny your attachment struggles. I have seen this. I also see that you do often own your shit and thats great.
My proposal is that you have attachment struggles from your trauma and that you are attaching to your T. You did not want an attachment like the one you had with your last T. But the attachment struggles is not about which T you see, it is from you, apart of your PTSD. It may be "unhealthy" but that is ok. That is the work. All of this is an attachment struggle. When you were worried about him in all your other posts, all attachment concerns. These are all aspects that lead back to your mother, back to that abandoned feeling, back to that "not feeling taken care of feeling."

This is why you were angry at his suggestion. This is why you used the word "reckless" because your mother was likely totally reckless with handling you. (Sorry if this is triggering).
You are projecting onto your T your anger at not being protected, not being handled with care.
And that is ok. What is not ok is to deny this. He may be a diff T, but there is that same attachment. If you look at that and practice acceptance, then you can progress.
Your anger at him is such a sign of your pain and just feelings over being abandoned by a care giver. So your attachment struggles are like sign posts or markers.

Having said that, I agree with others in that it is totally reasonable to be concerned over EMDR especially starting too soon. I also would be concerned over the weekend training. Is it good enough? I would do research on that. It is hard because you want it to be good, for him to be qualified. But you can talk to him about this and you do not have to do EMDR and you can still work with him and heal. Maybe he will continue his training and get certified.

Maybe the weekend training was really intense like 20 hours. Find this out. It is actually good self care to be concerned.
But the passive aggressive email is you feeling scared that he is not taking care of you.

Attachment issues are hard to see and navigate when you are in the thick of it.
It feels real. It feels like he is or may really be reckless. It is huge to trust him and to trust his therapeutic care. But if you take the attachment fear away, "being reckless" can get changed to "that might not be the best for me right now."

 

[UnicornSightings]

Ok, so I am going to point out the attachment perspective.
I always feel that you have attachment str...

This was incredibly helpful! Thank you so much for it. I’m gonna give more thought to the whole denying attachment thing. The email to him ended up being a really good thing as we had a great discussion on everything and worked everything out. He admitted to not knowing a whole lot about trauma and being a bit overzealous with the EMDR. He made it clear he is not pressuring me at all and has someone REALLY knowledgeable about trauma that he talks to. That made me feel a lot more comfortable that he would find out what to do, should anything go wrong. That I wouldn’t be left struggling while he just moves onto the next client. We also talked about resourcing and how we would go over that first. So much of our conversation really reassured me that he’s there to HELP and not hurt. We also talked about how a big thing that’s holding me back is how I don’t actually WANT to get better. Like I DO, but that would mean therapy would be over. I talked about how utterly alone I’ve felt all my life and how an hour a week, no strings attached, to get full attention is a really good deal. Just saying that seemed to help a lot and I’m really wanting to open up more now. Cautiously, of course, but I’m more confident he won’t let me down.

Thanks again for replying!! I really appreciate all your insight! It’s exactly why I love this forum so much.

 

[Mach123]

For me, EMDR was much ado about nothing. I thought it was going to have the potential to "reprogram my brain" so I wouldn't be so severely symptomatic. I wish it had. It wasn't unpleasant at all, just nothing happened. I personally would welcome anything that would "shake things loose," no matter how painful but, that's just where I'm at. I have done it a couple times with my current therapist, she does it a little differently but, aside from a light disassociated feeling and a warning to, "watch your feelings this week," it didn't phase me.

 

[Freida]

@Mach123 I'm so sorry it didn't work for you. Maybe it just wasn't time? Ugh - what do I know!?

@UnicornSightings I am so happy you talked with him and got it sorted out!

 

[Scarlet13]

This was incredibly helpful! Thank you so much for it. I’m gonna give more thought to the w...

I have this same issue with getting better and not being in therapy.
But you could stay in therapy as long as you need to. Your needs might change.

 

[EmmaOwl]

This was incredibly helpful! Thank you so much for it. I’m gonna give more thought to the w...

Dear, I think it is great that you let your therapist see you in that moment. Think - you don't have to say, "I was so angry!" He knows you were angry. Keeping up with patient/clients during the week is not necessarily infringing on anyone's 'free time' - for example, I see my therapist once a week on average, but in between that we text quite a lot, and phone if necessary (rare these days). That's something you need to figure out between you, and any therapist or other health care, and having this kind of discussion early on will aid you in finding what kind of tone and balance you are both looking to strike.

I never feel like I have wasted his time - if he is too busy or unable to respond, he doesn't, sometimes that makes me scared, we work it out, and so therapy goes............ I think total honesty is great. It has served me well. Today I told my guy to take one of his recent tunes to his therapist - it was not helping me - and he was absolutely fine with that. - and I KNEW he would be. Because of all the times he is there taking care when I am upset. He knows I get angry and moody and impulsive or goofy and he asks me to keep in touch during the week so he can gauge my progress and I have one more outlet (since I have so few others).

He can be almost frighteningly accurate when he predicts my silences. :) Like, was I sick in bed, or am I being pissy. I'll show up for our appointment and he'll just.. *know*. And after years of either useless or actively harmful therapists (and a bad psychiatrist or two for good measure), this is all part of learning how to interact with other human beings (sad as it is for me to be doing as I head towards 40). It is all learning, re-learning, how to interact in a way that doesn't terrify me all to hell.

We do have a deal - that is a very important part of this. He doesn't necessarily have to read or respond to texts or emails - but we have a little code to add if it IS something that needs to be read & perhaps arrange a phone call, but I rarely do need a call anymore. If I'm bad then we might set up an hour on the phone, & I'll compensate him for that time. But sometimes we joke back and forth a little or I tell a story via text. We do serious serious work as well. He has been amazing. And, believe me, he is compensated for his time. If he chooses to spread it out over Sundays and whatever time of day he happens to be going, that's fine. It is not conventional, but I'd rather spend 60 minutes interacting than 50 with 10 minutes for him to take notes. @UnicornSightings , I hope you are able to take this experience to try to find an honest and open therapy plan.
My therapist would *want* to know if I was angry, all the better if he (and I) can hear it in my own words at the time instead of attempting to recall them while sitting on the couch.