Undiagnosed Is My Truama Bad Enough?

[DZebra]

Hello, I am new here. I have not yet been diagnosed with PTSD but for several months I had to look after my room mate at college who was self harming and talking about suicide. Because I was her room mate I had to look after her 24 hours a day 7 days a week and the college gave us no support.

Since then I have been having flashback and nightmares about her hurting herself or dying. I have also become very depressed and am on a two month waiting list for psychiatry to try and get diagnosed.

I am having a tough time at the moment though, because my room mate's mum is saying that I am not really getting flashbacks or nightmares because the events that I went through was not traumatic enough and I am making it up to try and manipulate people. I know I am not making it up but I do feel guilty because sometimes I think that what I went through was not traumatic enough and that I should be able to cope with it.

 

[lux.]

There is no such thing as a trauma that is not bad enough. While some people may not have a PTSD reaction to the events you went through, others would. Everyone responds to trauma differently. Your feelings are valid and no one should tell you that you aren't having the experiences that you are. I personally think that what you went through was very traumatic. You felt like it was your responsibility to keep your roommate alive and probably felt on edge all the time, not knowing if he or she was going to die or not. Perhaps your roommate's mother feels guilty for what you went through and thus is trying to deny that it had a strong effect on you.

 

[Suzetig]

It's entirely possible to have a stress reaction to something you experience as traumatic without having ptsd, everyone will have an opinion about whether someone's trauma was "bad enough" which is why it's important to look for professional support rather than listening to friends and family.

PTSD has a number of symptoms of which flashbacks and nightmares are two but a number of other symptoms are needed too. Whether you have ptsd or not, you're clearly having a stress reaction. Do you have any support while you're waiting for psychiatry? Bear in mind too diagnosis isn't the be all and end all, it can very much be a double edged sword, skills and coping strategies will be key to your recovery and can be developed without diagnosis.

 

[Friday]

There is no such thing as a trauma that is not bad enough

That's only true in that every trauma, no matter how small or how large, deserves treatment if it's causing a person problems. What that treatment is, however, varies very much depending on which sort of problems (including disorders or conditions) develop.

PTSD does not result from all kinds of trauma, however. Just because problems may follow, it's not a catch all diagnosis. To the contrary, it's a very specific diagnosis, for a very specific set of traumas & following symptom set. There are dozens of possible diagnosis under Trauma, Stressors, & Anxiety... All of whom share symptoms with each other. PTSD is only one of them. IMO, it's not the best (anything short-lived instead of a lifelong is almost certainly a better thing), nor the worst of them (to my mind there are definitely worse disorders & conditions to have!).

It is, however, very important to get the right diagnosis... Because the best treatment & expectations for one disorder? Can be the absolute worst treatment, and have completely different expectations, for another disorder.

Knowledge that moderate to severe problems can result from trauma? That it's not all a matter of 'time heals all wounds'? Awesome! That people constantly mix up PTSD with every single other disorder under trauma/ stressors/ anxiety out there? Bit of a problem.

In order for PTSD to develop, as a baseline, it doesn't matter how upset/devastated/wrecked a person is, or how traumatic an event felt to them. It matters first off what the type of trauma was: aka Criterion A. (See below). Then it matters which symptoms are expressing, and any possible exclusions / better explanation found elsewhere.

But not all exposure to CriterionA trauma results in PTSD. Some people are just fine following a brief period of totally understandable upset, some people develop ASD (acute stress disorder, the short-lived cousin to PTSD: same symptoms, very limited duration!), some people develop anxiety disorders, or delusional disorders, or personality disorders, etc. So even if CritA trauma is present? It's not enough to say PTSD. It's enough to say "Well, it might be."



From the DSMV_______________________________

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s),
2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others,
3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent and accidental.
4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

Note: Criterion A4 does not apply to exposure to electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless the exposure is work related.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I don't think it matters so much at this moment whether it was bad enough to qualify for PTSD, but it does matter that you are in an emotional struggle. That has got to be a tough situation. And you can help all you can, but in the end it is each person's choice to journey through the struggles or commit suicide. It is nice that you have been such a huge support for your roommate, but don't lose yourself in the process. Seek out emotional support with or without the PTSD diagnosis if you can. I can sense the pain you are struggling with and I wish you didn't have to go through that. You can't compare emotional pain. Your feelings are your feelings no matter the diagnosis and you have to find some support to cope. Best wishes in your journey towards that support.

 

[Gadgie]

I never knew that there was a scale of PTSD, all I do know is, that I thought I was going mad before I was diagnosed that I had it?

I can remember coming home after seeing a therapist for the very first time, all excited and saying to my wife,......"I'm not mad at all Babe" I've just got PTSD. I remember her saying, "see I told you that were you not nuts, you nutter"

Of course, I never knew the full consequences back then as to what to expect, all I knew then that I wasn't going mad at all, and that in itself was a life saver for me.

As up until then, I was going through hell and didn't know why? I feel let down now after being dropped from therapy, as according to them,................"I wasn't responding quickly enough, as I had too many issues over too long a time?"

 

[Chava]

Are you still living with this person?

Wait for diagnosis, and in the meantime don't further freak yourself out by telling yourself you have PTSD. You could have anxiety, some kind of anxiety along with ruminating on bad feelings or uncertainty, etc. It's really hard to live with a self-destructive person. I instantly abandoned a friend who was way too much for me. I felt horrible knowing he might go off the deep end. He indeed ended up in the psych ward. But I had been his entire support and I was a huge mess myself. I was suicidal at the time too.

Anyway, none of that caused PTSD for me. But it caused a good deal of stress and also recurring bad feelings because it was so challenging and imperfect. I felt guilty and yet, at the time I had no other options really. I'm not saying that's how it is for you, but maybe I'm saying that bad feelings and anxiety, especially in college and when face-to-face with challenges like this (especially feeling like you had to help her, vs understand how to simply "be there" and know her support was also elsewhere). It's all really confusing and hard, I'm sure. Just work at finding what helps you feel calmer as you wait for some help or diagnosis, and avoid the internet self-diagnosis.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

@Gadgie, I think you could ask them if they can give you psychotherapy, that's what I'm now on a waiting list for as I have loads of issues too.

@DZebra, welcome to the forum and I'm sorry about what you experienced. Everyone has different coping skills and it sounds like it has really affected you very profoundly. Please take good care of yourself and try to find coping skills that work for you.

 

[DZebra]

Hi, thanks for the replies. I no longer live with my room mate because I have moved back to England and she lives in America. Yes it was a very stressful event. I constantly lived in fear that I would find her dead in the room if I went to class or something. At the same time I was not able to feel anything for myself because I needed to be strong for her. My counsellor believes that maybe my brain is catching up on everything that it wanted to feel at the time and couldn't.

I know that it might not be PTSD and could be any number of stress or trauma disorders, I know I haven't been diagnosed and it could be anything but I do know it has had an effect on me. I feel like I am still living in the situation. I am currently starting CBT counselling and had some counselling when I got back home as well. It was my counsellor who mentioned that I displayed a lot of symptoms of PTSD.

According to my room mate, her mother is jealous because I was the one who looked after my friend and she could not because she was six hours away. Also I was the first person my friend told. It is hurtful because my panic attacks, flashbacks and nightmares are very real to me but she thinks I am just lying about it and manipulating people. I just want to find out what is wrong with me, whether it is PTSD or something else and to get the right treatment for it because at the moment this seems to be taking up my whole life.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@DZebra , I am glad you are seeking out help regardless of what the label ends up being because it is clear that it is affecting your life and you need that support. I hope you find that support so that it does not continue to consume your whole life.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote....."@Gadgie, I think you could ask them if they can give you psychotherapy, that's what I'm now on a waiting list for as I have loads of issues to"

I've asked quite a lot of times, but I keep being told that "I'm on the waiting list?"

 

[Lucycat]

I never knew that there was a scale of PTSD, all I do know is, that I thought I was going mad before I was diagnosed

here here. Me too!