Other Is Not Telling The Same As Lying?

[Springer80]

I think the fact the your husband is in law enforcement changes the social media/internet issue. It's understandable that he needs peace of mind about his own and his families safety if he's dealing with pretty unpleasant people who may bare a grudge.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Wow @rightkindofme , serious epiphany here. I really like and appreciate your perspective, have never thought of it that way. Big hugs if that is okay. :hug:

 

[desiderata310]

off topic
*waves back at @rightkindofme *

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@shrinkingviolet I support the suggestions of finding a trauma therapists not a CBT one. Mine works with Experiential, Gestalt, Hakomi, and EMDR. It works wonders for me.

I don't think you are lying. You have the right to some privacy and personal space. To me it sounds that this forum is exactly that for you.

I don't tell my friends about my childhood trauma because for a lot of people it is difficult to understand the effect it has on us. If I am having some emotional flashback I usually say I am feeling tired or something similar and that I need to rest. This can be seen by some as a white lie but I think it is better then going into details about my fears. It is a very personal thing for me and I do not want to share it with other people except my therapists and my journal. A better phrase would be to say "I need my space" or "I need my privacy." I am working on using these phrases.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Thank you @UniversalBeing for sharing and your suggestions. I like the phrases idea and hope it helps you too. The reminder that I'm not alone in this really helps. :)

 

[Eleanor]

Following up on @FridayJones comment:

Lying = telling another person something you know to be false with the intent that they take it as true.
Being truthful = telling another person something you believe to be true, with the intent that that take it as true.
Lying by omission - Telling another person a partial truth with the intuition that the other person will take it as the WHOLE truth.

We don't have an obligation to spill our guts to every other person on the planet we talk to. We do have an obligation to be truthful in what we say however, in not to engage in verbal or other "deceitful behavior."

As @Solara says, we all have a right to privacy. Where those lines get drawn in a marriage or friendship is negotiated between the people in the relationship. Do I want to know all the details of my best friend's sex life? Nope. Nor does she want to know mine. So we are good. But I know of other friends who would be very disappointed if the other didn't share all. They are good too. Local option rules here.

End of lecture. :geek::)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh well that changes everything!

I hate social media, too, for privacy reasons. Maybe this sounds weird, but I won't get involved with someone who has a need to plaster their life online. Don't get me wrong, I know many people use social media responsibly, rather it's the ones who feel the need to display all aspects of their life that I can't handle. It has brought unwanted drama into my life before.

However, this site is different. While no site is 100% anonymous, there is indeed a higher level of anonymity here. You can keep it that way by telling no one you come here. (Nobody in my life knows I'm a myptsd member), not posting personal details, not leaving browsers open, clearing your history, etc.

Future partner? He will never know of my presence here. I won't take the risk of letting someone use all that I post against me.

For me, it's not about lying. 100% transparency is not something I desire in a relationship as everyone deserves to have private parts about themselves. This is a private part of me.

 

[GWhizz]

Haven't had the chance to read all of the replies but I just wanted to add a little comment.

While my other half knows I use this site, it wasn't until just over a year ago that I actually let him in and told him I was abused before (that was after years together and having a baby). Yet I still haven't told him about the actual details/extent of the abuse. It's this site that I've shared most with. Even more than my therapists. In fact, the only way I could tell my partner about the abuse was to let him read one of my posts on here!

Maybe I'll never tell him more. It's just too hard for me to face that. And I want to keep that part separate right now (probably compartmentalizing my life lol) so that I can lead a half normal life with him without my past coming up so strong.

I don't know am I lying. I'm not being transparent but he knows this and doesn't mind either. At the end of the day we both trust eachother enough. I don't know what he does 24/7 nor do I need to. We have our own interests and give eachother that freedom.

Being on this site is not as though you're hiding being unfaithful or something. You need this as it gives you something you can't get in your day-to-day life. I'd just call it 'me-time'.

I'm sure your husband would understand.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Thank you @GWhizz and I can relate to the need for some normalcy too. :happy:

 

[RussH]

My only concern is how will your husband react if he learns you are

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I have thought of this too @RussH and appreciate your candor. I don't think there would be any anger, only concern of privacy and anonymity. I'm not concerned and the benefits outweighs any to me.