Is PTSD a Test of Character?

[Darkhorse]

Weighing everyone up, looking on there actions, and mentally preparing yourself to gain the upper hand is tiresome,,, living on 'edge'.
I do this all the time. Hopeing one day can just relax.

Ptsd is testing my character, but to pass this test is to persevere and find a way into normal living again, and if i can do that one day, i will have passed the test.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think to not give up or become bitter is the best I can hope for as far as passing this "test".

 

[goingonhope]

Hello Simpleman33 & Welcome.............

Sorry for the long post, I had a lot on my mind today. :wall:

Hey Simpleman33, I Loved Reading This Post!

Of course, not the reality of war, but your experienced truths & reality and the truth of Ptsd's nature contained within your sharing.

:thumbs-up & (((A Hug))) :Hug_emoticon:

Thank you!


Hope

 

[Simpleman33]

Simpleman, feels good to write it out, doesn't it? I'll be looking forward to more of your posts.

Actually when I wrote that post it was very hard for me to write and my eyes got a little wet in the process, while I was at work unfortunately.

I find it extremely extremely difficult to actually talk or write about my tramatic events for a few reasons. It's easy to tell someone I feel depressed, its easy to tell someone you are not happy. It's hard to explain to someone exactly what you went through, step by step, even moreso since I have blocked many of the things from my mind. I am scared to write what happened to me because I have huge validation issues with my PTSD, may have picked that up in my introduction. One day I will start my Diary on here, I just can't say when at this point.

Thank you for the support Cragger.

Sorry for being all over your thread Cuban Pete :crazy:

 

[Mercy]

I have PTSD, from military service in Iraq. My PTSD is not me but it is my burden. Like Becvan stated before me, it is a survival skill. Here is something I would like to share more of about me in regards to this.

Everytime I go someplace I am watching everyone, observing and judging people. I am observing there behavior for signs of danger and judging on wiether that person is a threat. Through my entire stay I watch everyone, I have my back in a corner so no one can be behind me, if I am not the sensation of danger and fear is compounded greatly by my thought of vunerablility. Where is my backup, where are my fellow soliders. I may begin to shake, just my leg or legs at first, then my hands. My sences sharpen as I anticipate an attack, I go into what I call my combat awareness stance. I get the "100 yard" look to me as I mentally catalog everyone's actions in the room. This is less of an issue the more I visit a place, I have been going to the same bar near my home for 2 years, I still get scared but atleast I dont have to sit in the corner anymore.

This is not an illness, this is me surviving. This is a result of me surviving in a full year of wondering if I was going to get hit by a mortar while I walked to a sand burm to take a crap, every aspect of your day/night truely revolved around the chance of being hit without warning. A result of driving down the narrow roads of Tikrit surrounded by thousands of civilians, many convoys, many chances with death.

Oh simpleman, how I agree with you. My trauma wasn't as an adult in a constantly life threatening war. But I have all the symptoms you described so well. Hypervigilance is what they call it. Mine comes, as a child sex/slave, from the constant threat of a painfull and horrific death. I saw enough to believe my captor's threats were actually very true. As a result I became very compliant and submissive, ever ready to meet the next demand with totally accuracy. What did my guest want, a long or a short time, a playful time or a violent one. Was I supposed to know what was going to happen or not know anything, had I been sold as a virgin or a perfect little pleaser whore.

Quote by simpleman: "I think PTSD is a natural human reaction to an extreme event or series of events, a reaction from the mind to protect itself, the problem is turning off that reaction. Dealing with this human reaction is a test to ones character."

One of the problems for me is that I am constantly triggered into that '100 yard look' I still sit in corners and startly hugely at loud unexpected noises.
Thanks for writing so clearly. You have helped me 'normalize' my extreme reactions. Bless you.

 

[Simpleman33]

Hey Simpleman33, I Loved Reading This Post!

Of course, not the reality of war, but your experienced truths & reality and the truth of Ptsd's nature contained within your sharing.

:thumbs-up & (((A Hug))) :Hug_emoticon:

Thank you!


Hope

Thank you Hope. I spend countless hours working things out in my head and every once in awhile I manage to orginize my feelings in a way I can explain them.

And thank you as well Mercy, I do believe that is why we are here, to share in attempts to help eachother understand ourselves alittle better. I spend a lot of time reading posts just to help show some light on aspects of my own issues. I will never know the same fear you have experianced but I do know what fear is, because I have my own.

:Hug_emoticon:

Thanks everyone

 

[cragger65]

Simpleman, are you kidding me? I balled my eyes out the first time I posted on this board. I do know how hard it is, and I understand the validation issue, big time. Even with validation, I doubt it, question it, theorize as to why this person would be "lying to me", just to make me feel better. It's a tough nut. But you're opening up at your own pace, and that takes guts. You know that, right?

"Courage is not the mighty oak withstanding yet another storm. It is the fragile bloom, slowly opening in the snow."

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have no clue if PTSD is a test of character or not, but what I do know is that we ALL are tough cookies. We fight like hell to make it, day in and day out. We go through emotional, and physical crap on a daily basis, sometimes on an hourly basis, and yet we find the courage to make it yet another day!!!!!!

We are a strong bunch of people........