Is Reconciliation Possible?

[sun seeker]

It is nice that she suggested an impartial third party but is this person a therapist? From what you said, I didn't think so. I would strongly suggest getting a therapist for a few sessions if at all possible because the stakes are so high for you and you really want it to work out. Additionally, your mom sounds like she has some very challenging behaviors that it would take a trained professional to deal with.

She didn't actually suggest anyone in particular. The person I am thinking of was my idea (I haven't talked to her yet). She does have training in both hypnotherapy and mediation.

I am not saying this is the case for you but I wanted to mention that for years, I repeated a toned down version of some of my moms awful behaviors and it significantly affected my relationships with others. At the time I would have denied that I was doing any of this but slowly with therapy I learned I was repeating some of what I had learned.

That is a complicated question to answer. Trying to make it brief, I know there are things I did that hurt my daughter, but mostly they are different things from what my mother did. It's like a swinging pendulum. My mother neglected me and I tried so hard not to neglect my daughter that she feels I smothered her. Things like that. But it gets very confusing. My daughter is an unusual person. Wonderful in many ways, but hard to figure out. From my perspective, my mother has influenced her a lot by making it okay to treat me badly, but I know there are also things I did wrong, and I have tried very hard to fix them but there is a combination of some things she does triggering me and her being just very hard to figure out. The one thing I know I did that my mother has never done, is take responsibility. When I recognize I have done something that hurt my daughter, I tell her so and apologize.

 

[sun seeker]

If you aren't in therapy, I suggest you try to seek it out

Sorry, I missed this before. I agree wholeheartedly and I have been really really really trying to find a good therapist who will take me and that I can afford, and it's like pulling teeth.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Sun seeker- I know it can be tough to find a therapist that is affordable and helpful- hope you find a good and caring therapist.