Kristopher
New Here
I still am very hazy and his is a very rough so I hope you don't mind
Let me start by saying that I have PTSD for close to forty years now and also have a wonderful wife that puts up with a lot of shit from me. As I sit here still dazed and confused, two day after my incident I figured that I would type it all down and share it with the rest of you. I have been reading a lot on the use of MDMA and the use with PTSD. There's a lot of talk that this may be the cure of the future for PTSD and for other therapeutical use as well. If you are interested in reading any material on the subject look up (MAPS MDMA) online. Did I tell you I have a wonderful wife. Something has happen to me mentally for the better quit recently, I don't know what happened but I like it, and I want the progress of my PTSD to diminish more and as fast as possible. well along the way of me reading up on MDHA I decided that I was a medical expert in the field.
Craigslist if a wonderful place to buy anything, so I look up 420 ( 420 is code for marijuana if you did know) It took me a week before I found someone willing to sell me MDMA. We arrange a time and a place meet and I bought the product. I then ordered a scale and a online test kit to see if it was MDMA, and the test came pure MDMA. On Wednesday I decided to weigh out, looking online to find out the right amount to take, and as we all know everything online is true. I proceeded to put the MDMA it in capsules. It happen that on Wednesday I also had a appointment with a therapist that does EMDR therapy. I thought a little bit would make me a little lusid with the ERDM therapies so I swallowed a small amount of MDMA at about 10:00 AM. I then Started to get ready to leave the house. I changed in my nice clothes and took are two dog on a walk to do there business and then feed them.
Now as I sat in the house waiting to leave I felt the MDHD start to kick in, well kick in is a understatement more like being hit by a train. At that point i realized that my measurement where a little under estimated. I started to panick and much a you can panic when your on MDMA which wasn't much. I proceed to stick my finger down my throat to try and vomit and all I exceeded in doing was bursting the blood vessels in my eyes so as I sit here typing this, I now look like a raccoon. I tried calling my wife to no avail and filled up her voice mail box in the process. I may have called 911 at that time but who knows. I do remembering running or more like stumbling over to the neighbors and ringing their doorbell and asking them to call 911. I was told that I also went to my other neighbors and did the same thing but have no memory of that. The next thing I remember is a paramedic knocking on the door and asking to come in. Well being on MDHA and in such a good mood I decided to let her in. She was very polite and start asking me questions that I could not give an answer too, except for my name. She asked me if I had anymore MDHD on the premises, I say yes but it was in a safe and at that point there's know way I could have remembered the code. In the meantime I had also unknowingly let the dogs out of the house. I hope I don't have any coyote pups on the way now because one of my dogs was in heat. My neighbors were kind enough to wrangle up my dogs and put them back in the house.
I was escorted out for my door by the female paramedic into the back of the waiting ambulance at about 12:30. I did know this at the time but four police cars had also shown up at may house with flashing lights and sirens going, must have been a slow day for the police. I don't remember much about the ambulance ride, except for the paramedic complimenting on the dress boots I was wearing. The hospital is quite a big blur as well except for a few things i do remember the nurse asking me if this was intentional overdose. I said no that I was conducting a legitimate experiment that went a little wrong. I thought I was escorted into a bed right a way but my wife told me I was waiting in reception and that I recognized her right away and called her over to me. I told her that I f*ck up repeatedly. About ten minutes later I received a bed and was hooked up to all sorts of machinery. According to my wife the doctors and nurses asked me a number of questions that I could not answer. Eventually over time I began to sober up and was eventually released at about 4:00 pm with no medication or anything else to help me recover. The doctor told my wife that I just needed time. We arrived home at about 4:15 my wife laid me down on the couch where I fell asleep emeadly.
At about 8:00 My wife had order some lasagna and it arrived at about 8:00 PM. I was on my feet and in the kitchen as fast as my feet could carry me. My wife handed me a plate and at that point I feel over on my face had a micro seizure according to my wife. I decided to belive my wife. She pick up the phone and started to call 911 but being so strong headed I told her that we did need 911 and I would all right. She informed me the I was going to the hospital and that i had no choice in the matter. I told her that I didn't need an ambulance and we could get in her car and go to the hospital that way. If you're beginning to get the feeling that I am a little stubborn, your right. So thinking that I needed to look good at the hospital i wanedt to dress up a little before I went to the hospital and ran, yes I ran up the stairs got dress and fell over on my face again and laid there. My wife at this point was getting quite concerned and started to call 911 again but of course I said no, I can make it to the car. According to my wife I fell twice more, one being on the recycling and braking all the bottles, I am lucky I didn't cut myself. On the way back to hospital my wife asked me a number of time if I was all right. My wife is a Saint and I don't know why she puts up with me he could do a hell of a lot better.
We arrived at the hospital 15 minutes later and got assessed right away, but had to wait for a bed for about half an hour. When I was take in and give a bed I was again attached to all types of electronics. The nurse took a blood sample from me and the doctor also wanted a urine test as well which I gave them. I crawled back into bed and fell asleep for about an hour when a nurse woke me up and said that my urine test had gotten contamed some how. So they need more urine, they gave me one of those bottles to pee in but I could not produce any urine. The nurse gave me about two liters of water to drink and then I fell asleep. The nurse woke me again and told me to try again but I could not pee laying down. I stood up and peed into the bottle and then sat down in the process of spilling pee on my closes, bed and the floor. There was a very understand cleaner that helped clean me up, the unsung hero of the ER i have to say. The doctors decided to let me leave the hospital at about 4:00 AM. I called my wife pick me up and went home and we both fell asleep.
I awoke at about 10:00 AM in the morning and took the dogs for their morning walk. I made some coffee and then started painting the house. I painted to about 2:00 pm when I started to feel a little stressed. I decided to have a bath to calm my nerves a little. After the bath I crawled into bed with my with wife where she started to scratch my back. At this ponit I took two cloazopam to try and caulm me. By that time it was to late and I thought I was going to lose it. I told my wife that I need to go back to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital where I was very worried that I would hurt someone and hurt them bad. I was quite hypervigilant and so close to losing it. I felt that I should be strapped into a bed and be given a large amount of sedatives. I have never felt like that in my life and I never want to feel like that again. I have broken bones and various amount of other injuries and I wished that I could feel that pain instead of the feeling I had at that moment. I sat in the hospital waiting room for three hours feeling like this till my mind started to calm down, at that point I started to feel better. I sat in the waiting room for about another hour before Is saw a doctor where I told him how i was feeling. He referred me to a nurse. We chatted for a bit about my situation and how I felt where she talked to the doctor and finally release me from the hospital.
I now sit her on a Friday morning typing this story to you still in a haze and feeling very depressed and deeply embarrassed towards my neighbors the police the paramedics nurses doctors and that poor guy who had to clean my urine. My wife should be canonized well living.
Let me start by saying that I have PTSD for close to forty years now and also have a wonderful wife that puts up with a lot of shit from me. As I sit here still dazed and confused, two day after my incident I figured that I would type it all down and share it with the rest of you. I have been reading a lot on the use of MDMA and the use with PTSD. There's a lot of talk that this may be the cure of the future for PTSD and for other therapeutical use as well. If you are interested in reading any material on the subject look up (MAPS MDMA) online. Did I tell you I have a wonderful wife. Something has happen to me mentally for the better quit recently, I don't know what happened but I like it, and I want the progress of my PTSD to diminish more and as fast as possible. well along the way of me reading up on MDHA I decided that I was a medical expert in the field.
Craigslist if a wonderful place to buy anything, so I look up 420 ( 420 is code for marijuana if you did know) It took me a week before I found someone willing to sell me MDMA. We arrange a time and a place meet and I bought the product. I then ordered a scale and a online test kit to see if it was MDMA, and the test came pure MDMA. On Wednesday I decided to weigh out, looking online to find out the right amount to take, and as we all know everything online is true. I proceeded to put the MDMA it in capsules. It happen that on Wednesday I also had a appointment with a therapist that does EMDR therapy. I thought a little bit would make me a little lusid with the ERDM therapies so I swallowed a small amount of MDMA at about 10:00 AM. I then Started to get ready to leave the house. I changed in my nice clothes and took are two dog on a walk to do there business and then feed them.
Now as I sat in the house waiting to leave I felt the MDHD start to kick in, well kick in is a understatement more like being hit by a train. At that point i realized that my measurement where a little under estimated. I started to panick and much a you can panic when your on MDMA which wasn't much. I proceed to stick my finger down my throat to try and vomit and all I exceeded in doing was bursting the blood vessels in my eyes so as I sit here typing this, I now look like a raccoon. I tried calling my wife to no avail and filled up her voice mail box in the process. I may have called 911 at that time but who knows. I do remembering running or more like stumbling over to the neighbors and ringing their doorbell and asking them to call 911. I was told that I also went to my other neighbors and did the same thing but have no memory of that. The next thing I remember is a paramedic knocking on the door and asking to come in. Well being on MDHA and in such a good mood I decided to let her in. She was very polite and start asking me questions that I could not give an answer too, except for my name. She asked me if I had anymore MDHD on the premises, I say yes but it was in a safe and at that point there's know way I could have remembered the code. In the meantime I had also unknowingly let the dogs out of the house. I hope I don't have any coyote pups on the way now because one of my dogs was in heat. My neighbors were kind enough to wrangle up my dogs and put them back in the house.
I was escorted out for my door by the female paramedic into the back of the waiting ambulance at about 12:30. I did know this at the time but four police cars had also shown up at may house with flashing lights and sirens going, must have been a slow day for the police. I don't remember much about the ambulance ride, except for the paramedic complimenting on the dress boots I was wearing. The hospital is quite a big blur as well except for a few things i do remember the nurse asking me if this was intentional overdose. I said no that I was conducting a legitimate experiment that went a little wrong. I thought I was escorted into a bed right a way but my wife told me I was waiting in reception and that I recognized her right away and called her over to me. I told her that I f*ck up repeatedly. About ten minutes later I received a bed and was hooked up to all sorts of machinery. According to my wife the doctors and nurses asked me a number of questions that I could not answer. Eventually over time I began to sober up and was eventually released at about 4:00 pm with no medication or anything else to help me recover. The doctor told my wife that I just needed time. We arrived home at about 4:15 my wife laid me down on the couch where I fell asleep emeadly.
At about 8:00 My wife had order some lasagna and it arrived at about 8:00 PM. I was on my feet and in the kitchen as fast as my feet could carry me. My wife handed me a plate and at that point I feel over on my face had a micro seizure according to my wife. I decided to belive my wife. She pick up the phone and started to call 911 but being so strong headed I told her that we did need 911 and I would all right. She informed me the I was going to the hospital and that i had no choice in the matter. I told her that I didn't need an ambulance and we could get in her car and go to the hospital that way. If you're beginning to get the feeling that I am a little stubborn, your right. So thinking that I needed to look good at the hospital i wanedt to dress up a little before I went to the hospital and ran, yes I ran up the stairs got dress and fell over on my face again and laid there. My wife at this point was getting quite concerned and started to call 911 again but of course I said no, I can make it to the car. According to my wife I fell twice more, one being on the recycling and braking all the bottles, I am lucky I didn't cut myself. On the way back to hospital my wife asked me a number of time if I was all right. My wife is a Saint and I don't know why she puts up with me he could do a hell of a lot better.
We arrived at the hospital 15 minutes later and got assessed right away, but had to wait for a bed for about half an hour. When I was take in and give a bed I was again attached to all types of electronics. The nurse took a blood sample from me and the doctor also wanted a urine test as well which I gave them. I crawled back into bed and fell asleep for about an hour when a nurse woke me up and said that my urine test had gotten contamed some how. So they need more urine, they gave me one of those bottles to pee in but I could not produce any urine. The nurse gave me about two liters of water to drink and then I fell asleep. The nurse woke me again and told me to try again but I could not pee laying down. I stood up and peed into the bottle and then sat down in the process of spilling pee on my closes, bed and the floor. There was a very understand cleaner that helped clean me up, the unsung hero of the ER i have to say. The doctors decided to let me leave the hospital at about 4:00 AM. I called my wife pick me up and went home and we both fell asleep.
I awoke at about 10:00 AM in the morning and took the dogs for their morning walk. I made some coffee and then started painting the house. I painted to about 2:00 pm when I started to feel a little stressed. I decided to have a bath to calm my nerves a little. After the bath I crawled into bed with my with wife where she started to scratch my back. At this ponit I took two cloazopam to try and caulm me. By that time it was to late and I thought I was going to lose it. I told my wife that I need to go back to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital where I was very worried that I would hurt someone and hurt them bad. I was quite hypervigilant and so close to losing it. I felt that I should be strapped into a bed and be given a large amount of sedatives. I have never felt like that in my life and I never want to feel like that again. I have broken bones and various amount of other injuries and I wished that I could feel that pain instead of the feeling I had at that moment. I sat in the hospital waiting room for three hours feeling like this till my mind started to calm down, at that point I started to feel better. I sat in the waiting room for about another hour before Is saw a doctor where I told him how i was feeling. He referred me to a nurse. We chatted for a bit about my situation and how I felt where she talked to the doctor and finally release me from the hospital.
I now sit her on a Friday morning typing this story to you still in a haze and feeling very depressed and deeply embarrassed towards my neighbors the police the paramedics nurses doctors and that poor guy who had to clean my urine. My wife should be canonized well living.
