Is That What Therapy Is Like?

[Socha]

When I read your stories about finding a therapist it begins to dawn on me that I was really lucky that the first therapist I met was a good match.

I was at rock bottom when I met her and was scared of anything related to therapy because my mother used it to threaten me and as a form of punishment to make me feel as if I was a bad, sick person who 'seriously needed to be helped'. I did need help but I could never trust anyone with whom she was in contact with so seeing a therapist never helped me but made me feel even worse. Because of that going into therapy was a huge step for me.

My therapist didn't have an office so I went to her place for the sessions. At first I felt a little uncomfortable because it was almost like invading her personal space but after the first couple of times I felt safe and very welcome. She used to make tea and held a blanket ready because I was constantly shivering, she always let me know what she was doing and why and I was given the power to decide what I wanted to do and she would guide me through. She let me know what kind of notes she was taking and we were on a first name basis. She even shared some of her personal experiences with me as well what made me trust her even more.

Because I wasn't anything but stable at that time we didn't talk about my trauma much but rather focused on the things I wanted in life and how to achieve them. It was behavioral therapy mostly but she did whatever we thought was working at a certain point and we didn’t tell my health insurance company because they only pay for certain forms of therapy. It helped me tremendously to get where I am now and I wonder if that is what therapy is like in general or if I was just lucky!?

 

[J_trustno1]

This is exactly what my counselor does. She's not doing those sophisticated therapy practices but working on what works for me. She gives me examples of her experiences and we do therapy outside where there are a lot of trees because I am a nature loving person and I feel at ease when I am outside with the trees.

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what works for you not what others are doing. So far this has been helping me but I know I have some issues regarding obsessive thoughts and some negative thoughts which I really need to work on.

 

[Theresa1122]

Oh, Socha, you were VERY lucky to have found your right person right away. Therapy should be comfortable and a place where you can open up easily and feel at peace. It took me years of going through "quacks" that didn't help me, but more frustrated me. I finally found my right person a few months ago and she's great! She has also shared some of her own experiences with me, she also has an office based from her home (actually a portion of her barn that was made into an office, so it's not in her home and doesn't invade her personal space), she has therapy dogs that sit in session with me every time and I just had my first equine session with her horses last week.

I completely agree with Jass on her comments - it's whatever works for you. If you're comfortable and able to open up and relax, you're in the right place with the right person.

My parents didn't threaten me with therapy, but they kind of look down on it. To them, going to therapy is admitting that there's something wrong with a person's head and they're "not right". As my psychologist explained to me, that's just something their generation believes or how they were raised. They let me talk a little about my appointments, but they don't really get it - even after the huge trauma I went through. So, don't listen to your parents and the way they think, it's a generational thing or the way they were raised. Keep going, be relaxed, get help, and talk to us here at this site because we get it.

I'm so happy for you that you found your right person quickly and easily. :-)

 

[Socha]

The reason why I'm asking this actually is that I'm not in therapy right now but want to get back again to talk about trauma. I don't know if she's the right person because my boyfriend's sister was in therapy with her too so she knows some of the family members a little. It's a small town and when they meet in the grocery store they small talk and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. I'm sure she wouldn't say anything confidential though. The other thing is that I don't know if she's available, I don't know if my health insurance company will cover because she only takes privately insured clients when someone else is available and so on. It's going to be a lot of forms and phone calls to make it work. I'm anxious about that but I'm also really anxious that I have to go through a lot of quacks to find someone like her if that's even possible.

Don't know if that makes any sense...

 

[J_trustno1]

OMG!!! Change the Therapist if they know your family!!! Seriously, it is a BIG NO-NO!!! I had a doctor who was also my abusers doctor. He used my trauma against me! He called me jealous, narcissistic, accused me of sleeping around when he found out from my psychologist about my sexual abuse! So the moral of the story is NEVER NEVER share the same Doctor or Therapist as your family who may have been your perpetrators.

 

[Socha]

It's my boyfriend's family not mine ;) His family is really weird in it's own way but I love them and feel safe with them. I really trust this therapist that something like that will never happen. She has always been on my side but it's still a little strange and we also talked about that back then.

 

[J_trustno1]

Oh okay. But this kinda scared me because I had a bad experience so I was just extra cautious lol.