Is the therapist going to make me try to remember?

[Cypress]

I got therapy for several years in high school after I got sexually assaulted. I had psychoanalysis which was popular at the time but not a great fit for PTSD. I got better in some ways - I stopped self-destructive behaviors and negative suicidal type thinking. In other ways nothing changed and because I was so young, I somehow came to believe that my PTSD symptoms were part of my personality so I never got treatment again because I thought I didn’t need it - I was just shy, anxious and hot-tempered right? Anyway, I white-knuckled my way through the years but it all fell part when I became a parent. Seeing how my own children have suffered as a result of my issues has led me back to therapy. I haven’t started yet but am trying to get an appointment.

The thing I am worried about is that, there was a traumatic event that happened in my childhood. It occurred in an abandoned house in my neighborhood where lots of kids used to go play but I can’t remember it. I remember being with my friends and an older boy is the house and he is angry, we are all terrified and then the tape stops. It’s weird because I remember very clearly being assaulted in high school but not this. Will the trauma therapist make me try to remember this? Because I really don’t want to. It feels very dangerous and after everything I’ve read about false memories maybe it’s a bad idea.

Has anyone had this experience? Did you process it in therapy?

 

[Rumors]

Yes I remembered things I had no clear memory of. The thing is, for me anyway, I have such a strong, safe alliance with my therapist that when it did come up I felt that I had a place to take it. I have loads of shame which makes it hard, but I work on that daily. If I can stay hooked in with my rationale mind I do better than when my unhealthy, irrational mind kicks in. Hope this helps! My symptoms also became more prevalent after my child was born. It's tough! Hang in there!

 

[ILoveLife]

I also did psychoanalysis the first time, and had the same issue (without the having kids in the meanwhile part, but with the going back to selff destructive behaviors part).

I don't think a therapist can make us remember anything our minds are not ready to. So no worries there.
But if you feel like the therapist is pushing, don't allow it either, take your own time.

 

[MyWillow]

A good trauma T wouldn’t in my opinion. 95% of my flashbacks I don’t understand. Many of them I haven’t shared with my team as I can’t find the words. My psydoc and equine T hear me if I want to talk about them, name them as a memory and we talk or move on as necessary. If I can’t talk about them they respect that. My brain seems to release stuff when it feels I’m ready.

If anything both my Ts have slowed everything down to a snails pace because talking about the most minor things can trigger a flashback or dissociation and that doesn’t help anyone. They are much more focused on the here and now rather than the there and then.

I would absolutely raise this as a concern because your T might be skilled but he or she is not a mind reader.

 

[Missycat]

I dont believe your t will make you remember, they shouldnt force this, its not their role. What may happen is that through your therapy you naturally start to remember more and your t will be there to listen and hear and support you.
My t reminds me that her role (she specialises in trauma and csa) is to work with me on dealing with my symptoms caused by the flashbacks , memories etc etc not whether it happened or what happened. I still struggle to actually talk about it so i often email her and then we talk about how i deal with it, the ptsd symptoms, functioning ..... in session. She never makes me tell her anything, she listens and hears me when i want to talk.

 

[Cypress]

Whew - thanks everyone! I feel relieved now. I was freaking out that I was not going to be able to get better unless I remembered this event. Glad to know that I can concentrate on symptoms and not have to rehash all the memories again. So happy to have found this group!

 

[EveHarrington]

There’s a world of difference between what you initially ask....is a therapist going to force you to remember a trauma?.....and solely focusing on symptoms.

No, a good trauma therapist won’t force you to remember something you cannot remember, but at the same time, processing DOES involve talking about the trauma, and most people seem to find the most relief through processing, not just focusing on symptom management. It’s the difference between attending to the symptoms of an illness VS actually treating the cause of the illness.

Trauma therapy is supposed to be hard. Things WILL get worse before they get better. It’s just the nature of healing.

 

[Abstract]

Eve is correct. Jumping from the therapist forcing you to not going there at all are two totally different things. Yes, unfortunately treating ptsd does involve looking at the traumatic experiences we have had. I know that is terrifying but you are the one that will set the speed and you cannot force what your brain doesn't feel ready to deal with. A good t will never force you to do anything. This is you taking charge of your wellbeing for your sake and the sakes of your children. ?

In all possibility the reason why the last therapy only took you so far is because you were looking at patterns, befitting from that, and not going into the trauma.

You remember the one assault so thats where you start. And also making sure you have good ptsd coping skills to deal with all your symptoms. Have a look around the site as there are some excellent articles on here,.

False memory can come if a t starts leading you and suggesting things. That wouldn't be right and a professional t wont do that. One step at a time will get you where you need to be.

 

[Friday]

My first time dealin with PTSD, I didn’t work on processing any of my trauma (although I did some on accident), I just worked purely on symptoms... and stayed virtually symptom free for 10 years.

The downside of doing it that way? New trauma, loss of a coping mechanism, & stressors can all kick Pandora’s Box right back open, again. Which is what happened to me.

My second time round, I didn’t want to make that mistake, again, so went eyeballs deep in trauma-land, rather than working on symptoms. Which turned out to be a giant mistake, as I got so symptomatic so fast as to be completely nonfunctional.

Yay. Different mistakes :wtf:

Come to find... the ideal way isn’t an either/or deal... but a combo of both; AND the best order is symptoms first (stabilize) and then trauma (processing). Very much the opposite of being pushed or forced into remembering things, you’ll likely be taught containment skills to keep you from remembering before you’re ready to.

So that’s what you’ll probably be looking at, in trauma therapy... stabilize first, mastering badass coping skills, and then dealing with origins.

 

[Abstract]

Well put. In fact make sure you feel you have been given enough coping skills and are managing well before delving in. You have a say in this.

 

[Missycat]

I was sbout to add ( i didnt mention it in my first reply) that at some stage it is good to work through the memories and the trauma .. bloody difficult .. its exactly where i am but it will help one get better .
I think @Friday puts it into words extremely well.

 

[Harmonics]

My T does not push me to remember anything. Like others have said, my T works to help me cope with flashbacks and the other results of PTSD. We spend a lot of time figuring out tools for me to use to keep functioning. And when the memories insist on being heard, we do that too. But only when necessary. There is no push or "requirement" to share memories. I think it feels better knowing I have some say over it. The only time my T will slow me down is if I start going too far too fast with the memories. Then T will work on grounding rather than having me get too overwhelmed with the past. It is interesting because I am gradually learning that I can pace myself in processing these memories. Sometimes, because of a lot of chaos in my life, I take a break all together. Other times, I have to work to figure out how to get the memories and flashbacks to slow down so I can keep functioning. I think a good T will work with whatever you need to help you function. Sometimes that means processing memories, and sometimes that means working on more present events and grounding.