Is There A Silver Lining?

[macbeth]

I have been thinking a lot today about how PTSD has affected my life. There are the obvious thing's like symptoms etc. that make our lives a challenge. I also thought of how my life would have or could have been different without this disorder good or bad. I then realized that some good has come out of it. On this forum I have met mostly compassionate, determined and understanding people from all walks of life, those determined to make a positive impact on the lives of victims in the future. I couldn't help but wonder if there may be an upside, a light in the dark. What do you think?

 

[shimmerz]

In my world, absolutely. I couldn't see it for a long time. The people I have learned to gravitate towards, so kind and giving, healers and helpers. The things I have learned about myself! My whole way of thinking is different. I have had to seek out answers, to ask hard questions, to hear things from people I thought were friends and make decisions as to whether I actually needed to redefine the word. I have learned about energy and how not to keep giving it away. I have read the most fascinating books. I understand so much of my past behaviours and forgive myself for them. I have grown spiritual and realize I have always been spiritual but am honing in on how powerfully healing that spirituality is for me.

So many blessings....

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that in most situations you can learn to make lemons into lemonade. Think about it I mean when was the last time something was ALL bad? It just doesn't happen because we dont live in a world of absolutes

 

[Jane.l]

It's certainly full of twists and turns ! But I am forever trying to find an upside - it's not always possible but I have just applied to volunteer with a helpline for sexual abuse and rape. I think if I could be there to help someone it would kind of put right that no one was there for me. I feel that's a big positive and helps give a purpose to keep fighting.

 

[macbeth]

Thanks guys. It has been a long time coming but I am finally starting to realize it's not all bad. I myself am more compassionate and understanding because of it.

 

[J_trustno1]

@macbeth: I think there are two sides to the coin. Ptsd and depression can be viewed both positively and negatively. Yes, it can affect us both ways without realising it. At my therapy session today, my T was telling me how we are more biased and think towards negativity more easily than taking things positive and trauma affects us negatively. It is true to some extent because trauma is something we never asked for. It was never our fault. I didn't know what Ptsd was till last year October when I was feeling what my abusers will do to me if I don't become successful enough in life.

Part of the therapy is to get back our power. It is easier to say things and think we can heal over night but that is not possible. Think of how many times a toddler falls before he/she finally starts to walk and then run. Anything we do in life we need to be persistent or else it won't work. I have worked very hard to achieve things in life and i have failed so many times at achieving my goals. If we look it as a long term thing to improve ourselves without actually wanting the results immediately, trust me there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's exactly like how you train your body to lose weight and tone your body. You can't expect to build muscle over night without actually putting in healthy eating, good sleep, right exercise, variety of exercise. It's the same thing about seeing an upside to trauma. Never let your past control who you are or who you can be tomorrow. It is a difficult thing but remember you want to move ahead and take the control in your hands. My T told me that it'll be initially difficult to think positive but with practice and persistence it'll start coming naturally.

I hope it made sense.

 

[macbeth]

It made perfect sense Jess. Thankyou.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I so needed to read this post and replies this morning. I have had a rough week and I have jumped from "gosh, this was a rough year and some people judged me too harshly" to "my life is horrible, no one loves me, and I am unlovable". Oddly it was a sheet moment of terror on my way to school that made me think, "wait. There is good worth fighting for." I am learning more about myself and I have met other compassionate people and learned that there is good in the world. It's just hard to see it sometimes. It is worth fighting for. I was composing a poem in the last two minutes driving here about answering the question why do I keep trying.

 

[shimmerz]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve I would love it if you felt like you could share that poem if you get to it! No pressure - 'cause that would take all of the inspiration and fun out of it.

 

[macbeth]

Wow, thankyou everyone for their awesome responces.

 

[shimmerz]

@macbeth this is something I have found for you. I have been told this by many a shaman in various ways, but looking more at our culture in psychology here is what others have had to say about what we can do with our 'predicament'>

"Karl Jung who used the phrase to refer psychologically to the capacity “to be at home in the darkness of suffering and there to find germs of light and recovery with which, as though by enchantment, to bring forth Asclepius, the sun-like healer” and to assist healing. However before Jung, before Asclepius, and even before western thought there were shamans, the first wounded healers. Shamanically speaking the wounded healer is the initiated shaman, the person who has entered her own death, illness, or madness and found the path through it with the help of Spirit. And in that journey the wound is healed for the shaman and because of that journey the shaman is able to work with the spirits to assist the healing of others."

And that is exactly the direction I am aiming for. Not sure how yet, but that is my target. A great book that helps to understand how we survived and why we survived is "Man's Search for Meaning".

 

[silkleaves]

I wish that I could find an upside to this... I guess if I had to find a positive, it would be that I delve into my work and always teaching myself something new to escape / avoid having to think and through my insomnia, I have more hours in the day that most to get as much done as I do. If it weren't for that, I would not know web design / programming, would not have as much knowledge about stuff from all the late nights up researching stuff just for the sake of researching it.

Through the skills that I've picked up, Ive been able to have this freelance biz and have been able to manage to be a work at home / stay at home mom for the the majority of the past 14 years...something more out of necessity / determination to not have to leave my home. But people have told me how lucky I am to be able to work from home, spend as much time as I have with kiddo, have the freedom to do as I please without a boss over my shoulder. So I guess that's a positive?

To be honest though, I don't think it would have been such a bad thing to be able to assimilate myself into society more, to not have resigned myself to it that I have only myself to depend on, to work as much as I do by myself locked up in these four walls, to be as much of a recluse as I am. I might have been able to get married, have the family I wanted, have a partner by my side and blah blah. But then again, maybe not. I could have ended up in an abusive relationship, with no skills. Who knows.

I guess I can count my blessings that I do have what I have, the alternative probably isn't much better. I don't know...I don't see much of a silver lining to all of this. I've spent my whole life wishing it were different, trying to make things better for myself, but really mostly for my daughter. But its felt like an upward struggle the whole way and I have very little to show for it.