Is There A Silver Lining?

[Ti Vu]

I think that there is a silver lining:) Today, at least. I would still give absolutely anything to go back, to before the experience. But I know I can't. But now I actually feel true purpose in my life. My psychologists always talk to me about "The Wounded Healer", and they think that I'm heading in that direction.

And I agree about the forum. I don't think, in the short amount of years I've been on Earth, that I've ever met a more caring, compassionate, supportive group of people. Bless everyone on this forum:)

 

[Hashi]

I wish I had a view like so many people here have expressed. Unfortunately, I have no appreciation of post-traumatic growth. The idea that trauma means I'm able to give more to other people is something I resent very much - everyone has had enough from me already. There's no consolation to me in the idea of giving more to anyone or the world.

I do have the wounded healer archetype, and I know I have an ability to help other people due to what I've experienced (this keeps coming up in real life). But it's another thing I feel stuck with but don't want to do. None of this is for my benefit - I get no personal sense of fulfilment from it. That's archetypes for you - a destiny you don't always want. This is one I hate.

No need to try to convince me otherwise. I know that a lot of people don't understand me and think I must really be somehow like them when I'm not. It's just the way it is.

 

[Almost There]

If you google post traumatic growth.... You will find lots of information. I know a psychologist who told me he was seeing post traumatic growth in his patients and then researched it. He found that he isn't the only one who has seen it.

 

[Jane.l]

@Hashi get where you are coming from but you are always helping people here - you make a really valid contribution and that matters .[DOUBLEPOST=1403303227,1403303035][/DOUBLEPOST]Also think you might not like me saying that but that's ok too

 

[silkleaves]

The idea that trauma means I'm able to give more to other people is something I resent very much - everyone has had enough from me already. There's no consolation to me in the idea of giving more to anyone or the world. (...) No need to try to convince me otherwise. I know that a lot of people don't understand me and think I must really be somehow like them when I'm not. It's just the way it is.

I can relate in the way that, I give as much as I do to others because of the need within me to be accepted, to prove my worth, to make them see that there is some value in keeping me around. In return, I keep my own problems to myself and never ask anyone for anything, because I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to heap any problems or issues of my own on them, when they have enough on their plate..stuff I could be helping them with.

And even though I'm driven to do this, I still end up resenting the people I'm there for, because at some point...it has happened so many times from those I really loved and cared about, that they saw this weakness in me, and were just using me to their advantage. Even when I know that's what's happening, I keep doing it. A lot of that has to do with low self-esteem though.

 

[macbeth]

No need to try to convince me otherwise. I know that a lot of people don't understand me and think I must really be somehow like them when I'm not.

@Hashi I do understand your point of view. My reason for this post was not to invalidate the suffering of others. I appreciate you and your opinions as much as everybody else's. It is your truth and it is valid. For me, I have realized over the last couple of weeks that I have met the most caring and considerate people on earth right here on this forum. I would never have met these wonderful people without my diagnosis of PTSD. It has also changed my perspective of people around me and I am starting to appreciate them as well as being more considerate and understanding towards others myself. That is my silver lining. Gentle :hug:s to you my friend and to every one of the beautiful souls on this forum.

 

[Go Hungry]

I do have the wounded healer archetype, and I know I have an ability to help other people due to what I've experienced (this keeps coming up in real life). But it's another thing I feel stuck with but don't want to do. None of this is for my benefit - I get no personal sense of fulfilment from it. That's archetypes for you - a destiny you don't always want. This is one I hate.

I so feel you on this. If I understand that archetype properly, then I've had it since forever, and it brought me lots of pain. I don't want to be consumed with other people's troubles again. I want to be free. Maybe there's another archetype, like a pirate or something.. I'll go with that instead...

 

[shimmerz]

I understand how this can feel like a problem. I spent a ton of time with my shaman's and spiritual healers learning how to 'protect myself'. Not letting my energy get sucked out while I help. I too have had this forever as @Go Hungry states. I just didn't know how to manage it. Now that I have been taught to let it roll off of me it is no longer a burden.

I do agree however about the choice of an archetype. I would prefer a princess rather than a pirate. Perhaps next life :banghead:

 

[Hashi]

There are lots of archetypes, we're not just one. You can be a wounded healer and a princess and a pirate and other things. It's just that it's "as well as" not "instead of". Unfortunately. If you're a wounded healer, you can't get away from it - whatever else you are. I personally think it's the worst archetype to have.

For me, it's not about being taken advantage of. Freely choosing to help others if I can doesn't make anything worthwhile for me. Like @silkleaves, I would try to do that for other reasons. I understand what people are saying for them about silver linings, I'm only saying I don't feel this myself. It's why gratitude journals don't work for me either, but there are people who get a lot from keeping them.

@macbeth I didn't feel you were invalidating anyone, I was just responding to your question: what do you think about whether there's an upside? Maybe I've misunderstood - I can be a bit literal. I'm glad for other people if they see one.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I like me a whole lot better now and I do not hate myself anymore. I am carefully not carrying the shame and blame and false guilt my abusers placed on me.