Lately, I've been doing better IN therapy. For the first time, I'm actually able to vervalize. This coming Monday, I will hopefully try and read my story out loud to my T. That's beside the point, however it might have something to do with it, which is why I'm adding it in the first place.
There were these flashacks I used to have where the man was licking me, and whispering into my ear, telling me that he knows I want it. They were later only auditory flashbacks. Meaning, I only heard his voice and felt the sensation, without visualizing anything. Is that a flashback? Can they be auditory only?
Today, I find myself talking to my abuser, aloud, to myself. "I'm sorry. I know I'm fat, useless, pathetic and a waste of space and I deserve to die." All the while I realize that I'm in my restroom. What is that? I know that's not a flashback, because I'm talking to my abuser. But I obviously know he's not here. I can't really sleep as well, what with the sensation but that part I do know is flashbacks, at least in part.
Could any of it be severe fear of telling my story to my T and it coming from my voice?
There were these flashacks I used to have where the man was licking me, and whispering into my ear, telling me that he knows I want it. They were later only auditory flashbacks. Meaning, I only heard his voice and felt the sensation, without visualizing anything. Is that a flashback? Can they be auditory only?
Today, I find myself talking to my abuser, aloud, to myself. "I'm sorry. I know I'm fat, useless, pathetic and a waste of space and I deserve to die." All the while I realize that I'm in my restroom. What is that? I know that's not a flashback, because I'm talking to my abuser. But I obviously know he's not here. I can't really sleep as well, what with the sensation but that part I do know is flashbacks, at least in part.
Could any of it be severe fear of telling my story to my T and it coming from my voice?
