I have a question with you, which I will follow up on with my psychiatrist, though I don't really see it as being a big factor to my health.
People who have 'alters' seem to always have names for them. Sometimes I get up in the morning, and I think, "Today I am Simon." Simon and Adrian were two girls I created to represent the binary between my introvert and extrovert characteristics, but I made them consciously for this purpose.
Simon is shy, modest, mousy, incredibly smart, very verbal-mathematical (probably my strongest traits academically), extremely introverted/reclusive, depressed, obsessive, emotionless outside of general melancholy, rational, androgynous in appearance, emaciated (yet always talking about health, and she's a vegan, which I have been on and off), and wears clothes three sizes too big for herself. Adrian is promiscuous, an addict, voluptuous, arrogant, wildly artistic (Simon writes, Adrian paints), very wrathful and unforgiving, confident, strong, completely extroverted, emotionally indulgent (too expressive, too easily swung), traditionally beautiful, and likes to dress up and go out a lot.
Simon believes that her only worth is in her mind. She doesn't understand sensations well and is always in her head. Her only forms of externalization are self-mutilation and her writing, which she writes in charcoal all over her bedroom walls (Simon's room and where I kept my bed look very similar--notebooks and pens littered everywhere, punctuated by novels. Adrian sleeps on a couch.) so that she can write them down where they belong later (Simon is organized in a disorganized fashion. Adrian is actually neat, a homemaker). Adrian believes that her only worth is in her body. Her art is a form of expression for her, but otherwise she does everything to numb and evade her thoughts and feel good instead. She goes out and sees friends, a lot of people know her, but there is substance and meaning missing to her life outside of her art (which is usually sexually violent). She is strong and confident, but only because she isn't addressing anything in her life, just tossing it out and basing her life on survival, and her emotion snowballs unnecessarily, whereas Simon has self-control to a fault. I imagine you catch my drift.
So, when I am preparing for my day, I usually pare myself down mentally, particularly when getting ready to leave the house, into one of these two girls. I even have sweaters (all way too big for me) that I think of as Simon sweaters. I am distressed by looking anything more than plain when I am Simon. When I am Adrian, I look unusual to myself without eyeliner or if what I'm wearing isn't tightly fitting enough. Sometimes I will dress as one or the other in the morning and by noon I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin because I've switched to the other. Generally, Adrian goes to parties for me, greets guests, and steps in to interact with aggressive men or groups of women. I embody Simon when I'm going to class, doing homework, going to a work or meeting, and when I'm at professional functions (conferences, volunteer work, etc.). If you asked me at just any random minute who I would want to call myself, I may say Sam or even some of my evil characters, but in general, particularly at the beginning of the day and during my time out of a comfortable environment (my home, my fiance's parent's home), I can categorize myself as distinctly Simon or distinctly Adrian.
But it all seems too deliberate to be a form of dissociation. Compartmentalizing? Being theatrical? I did a lot of acting throughout my childhood onward and tons of writing. I've always assumed that thinking of myself as characters was a byproduct of being a writer who never let go of playing pretend in inappropriate situations (like, you know, life in general).
