Is This A Trauma Related Attachment Problem?

[Justmehere]

I agree – It is really good to be very careful to not over pathologize our quirks or personality styles. I tend to be a slightly introverted person, so some of this makes sense and is just my personaility type. There are benefits to being introverted. It’s not better or worse than being a very extroverted person. It just is.

I talked with my therapist about this more today. I struggled to find any words to describe it, but she was really gentle in figuring it out with me. For me, this particular struggle seems to relate to having so many violently unpredictable people in my life, especially as a kid. When I feel it, it makes me want to run and hide in such an intensely physical way.

My therapist had me practice being kind about how hard this is for me and how much it makes me want to run. It was so hard. It was the first time I really cried in therapy with her. It surprised me, but she was of course ok with it. Breaking down sobbing for no reason that I could really describe in words was really… intense. Crying opened up another whole can of worms about if crying was really ok. Intellectually I know it is, but damn, I felt so vulnerable. She had me hold my phone, as if to email someone that I feel paralyzed and panicky about emailing, and I wanted to run right out of the room! I told her I wanted to run away, and she helped me sit through it and do some somatic experiencing/exposure therapy work with it, and to re-group by the end of our time. I still feel raw though.

Whatever this is about, I want more freedom with it – even if it means enduring tears and feeling really vulnerable with my therapist.

 

[Melp283]

I agree that there is a possibility of it just being something you don't want to do, but when it starts to interfere with your activities of daily living and your quality of life it becomes an issue.
Justmehere - I am a very introverted person as well, and that's ok. My husband understands that some things (like parties) are very daunting, even terrifying in some cases. I love that you and your therapist are working through it in a slow manner. I may bring up the issue with mine. :) Keep up the good work!