Is This All Therapy Is?

[Reclusive]

I'm glad to hear that, angel2write! Maybe now you can work as partners.

 

[Powder]

Maybe she is a "good start," and that's what you need right now. Trust issues seem to be a hurdle for those of us with PTSD to being adept at finding good help. One of my alters has a mission to sabotage healing by keeping the trauma hidden. She leads the others on wild goose chases all the time, drops red herrings on the path, and plays devil's advocate in heated internal debates (cliche heaven) which is half the problem with PTSD. I end up more confused when I actively deal with what is actually bothering me, from past or present. Progress is two steps forward, two steps back, like a strange dance. No, this is not wanting to remain "stuck" but it's a pattern of IRONY. Ironically, I struggle to get well, thrashing around in my barbed wire, I get more tangeled and cut up. But if I remain here alone, I won't ever make it out of the fence. Luckily, my husband is clipping away at wires with wire cutters every chance he gets to finally see one, and this frees me to move a bit more freely and I start to see a way out. As with you, Angel, having a supportive spouse is the first step in learning "Trust." The lesson has many steps, more than the usual 12, I'd say.
Just by going to this lady, you are asking if you can put your trust in someone to bring out the really traumatic stuff. But you're also asking yourself if you can trust yourself to protect that traumatized girl from further harm and the adult taking care of her to move on if that's in her best interest. So don't focus on good/bad splitting with the therapist. Instead, ask yourself, "Is this good for me right now?" and if the answer is yes, then go again. If the answer is "I don't see a benefit," then don't be nervous, be bold, and search again and try, try, try again, until you get it right. You were very brave to try this one. I waited until I got a referral from someone I trusted, and like you, I am not fully beeming about Therapy, but I've made some strong steps, so it must be working. Mine is dedicated, takes some notes, talks about 30% or more of the time, and is willing to be available by phone every day of the week for free! So I am pretty happy with her.

 

[Bordo66]

I only read a few lines and searching for a book that goes about PTSD isnt such a bad idea! I go to the book after the dentist and the coffeeshop(w00t weed:D)

Thanks for the tip, now let me read the rest :)

 

[angel2write]

I am finding, too, that even though she doesn't take notes, she remembers thing from session to session. She does remember things I told her before. And she's drawing conclusions and helping me.

I guess I just want to give up on people too quick. Thanks everyone for commenting on this thread!

 

[Bordo66]

it goes different with me, mine just talks and listens and he writes down the entire session up in the computer when I'm gone, and before the next patient comes he reads the persons story ahead to know what they/we last talked about.

 

[TLight]

I don't know about therapists or therapy. I know it helped to feel like I had someone on my side for so long, but I don't think I ever really trusted her. EMDR was lame. No memories to work with....total dissociation of the really bad stuff.
I think about going back still. The last one said 'don't go there, there's just too much, and she said we'd work on forgiveness. I thought that was about totally useless. Haven't gone back.

I went through flooding, screaming, etc etc..........therapy once a week and I felt way more awful than before. She did help me recognize bad people and get them away from me. Didn't help with the constant triggers.

Now I have a wonderful husband who helps me daily. I'm trusting him completely. This has been the best and doesn't cost me thousands of dollars. He even runs a light across my eyes when I have a flashback and he helps me avoid triggers or deal with them (men-a holes). Mostly he protects me and lets me rest and gives me a safe place to be. I'm doing ok with that.
To me, there is no cure for this 'brain injury' and I'll always be triggered and it just depends on rewiriing my thoughts to slowly (and I mean slowly) be able to conquer them. I can't do this when I have triggers constantly morning noon and night. So now I know what to do and I'm trying to do it. I don't want to spend decades in therapy doing exactly what I'm doing now. I'm status quo and I think that's the best that can be achieved and I'll save my money, thank you very much.

 

[Bordo66]

Anthony...

Your a genious!

 

[Powder]

In therapy today, I asked about EMDR. She said "Stay Away!!" She has tried it and said it was not a good thing at all for trauma issues. I don't like pressing people for details. But she was not a fan, that's for sure. Also, she said I'm doing really well with coping with my flashback and recovering quickly, getting back to normal faster than she expected with less meds than normal. So she doesn't see a real need to go for it right now.

Reading online, I learned that it can leave one worse than before...not pleased with that even as a possibility. Also, that benefits last an average of 90 days. Not pleased with that either. CBT lasted much longer, especially with homework. So, I'm thinking of not trying EMDR at this point. But has anyone had great results? I read someone on this forum had great insights for days afterward. That sounded good. I guess it really depends on the patient and therapist combo.

Muse

 

[Powder]

Angel,
You are in good company...I think most of us here are reluctant to let ourselves get too close to anyone if we're honest. It's really hard to learn "trust" when we were raised in a home where that concept was elusive or non-existent. But that is the past. We can keep learning "new tricks." I still need to catch that "Trust Frisbee" without hesitating more often. Even when I read someone as trustworthy, I am unwilling to overcome my vigilance. Maybe now that I've closed the door to those who have hurt me, I can trust myself to monitor my interpersonal safety more easily in the future.

((((Angel)))) reading your spanking stories really brought up some memories for me...I feel like you were raised with me on all accounts. My sister is also similar. No husband or steady relationship basis. Unstable. Denial that anything happened. Angry that I am dealing with it, and unwilling to "go there." But in her case, I have to love and admit that being in a stable family of my own, although it comes with stress and responsibility as Anthony's Stress Cup illustration shows, offers a stabilizing Good Stress that eats up a lot of the bad stressors. My sister doesn't have a relationship to share her burden with or to offer Good Stress in her cup. So she's not in as good a place, emotionally, to be able to deal with the past, heal, and move forward. She is "Stockholm-y" IMHO. And that is a part of the stages of surviving. So I accept it now. Doesn't mean it makes it easy for me. She won't speak to me now. :(

Hoping you find new inspiration on your journey and positive growth because you are so strong. The new faith you have discovered is also a positive for you and your family. Good for you!

Muse

 

[angel2write]

She is "Stockholm-y" IMHO. And that is a part of the stages of surviving. So I accept it now.

Stockholm-y... I hadn't thought about it that way, but I think there is something to that insight. It's so important to her to believe that he was a good man, a good father, that she's incapable of seeing what he did to her.

I had to watch him abuse her, and it's like it's burned into my retinas.

 

[angel2write]

I went through flooding, screaming, etc etc..........therapy once a week and I felt way more awful than before. She did help me recognize bad people and get them away from me. Didn't help with the constant triggers.

What is "flooding?" I read that on someone else's diary and didn't recognize the term?

Now I have a wonderful husband who helps me daily. I'm trusting him completely. This has been the best and doesn't cost me thousands of dollars.

I'm really glad you've found this kind of relationship with man you can really trust. There's a lot of healing in a good marriage.

 

[Powder]

Hi Angel,
While I can't answer for Tlight, I have seen the term "emotional flooding" all over the forum, and there is a thread titled "What is emotional flooding?" I think, where I confirmed that we were all using the term to describe the same type of issue. It's when you start to cry and literally start sobbing and cannot stop even if you really want to, such as in public or in front of the therapist.

I would like to be able to link my reply to that thread for you to simply and not have to retype much. Hmmm. Is there a way here to do that?

But they all said, but for one person, that how it happens is that one is extra tired/physically fatigued and then triggered, so that it's like an Emotional Flashback, and all this pain comes FLOODING out unexpectedly and often embarassingly. Many of us find we are afraid to go back to that office since it was so embarassing, like emotionally wetting your pants in front of other adults.

I even had this happen at a massage therapists. Nancy had been my MT in an auto accident injury in my mid 20's, so I knew her and her background: she had one bio son and several foster kids that she still is "mom" to. She even has an adult women, recently divorced and abused, and also a dog rescue, currently in her new, custom home. She, and her house, is a refuge for abused and neglected. She is a natural Healer on an emotional and physical level.

So I go to her, for back pain, but sure, I have PTSD, too, right? So I am on my tummy on the table and I don't know how she steered the conversation there, but I mention my Dad is having heart surgery, and the next thing I know, I'm crying and can't stop. She just keeps working on my back and lets me cry. But I'm embarassed. She recites a comforting Psalm that always helps her (she's a Christian and doesn't deny it if the patient is also okay with it). I feel a little better when I leave but am so embarassed because it was unexpected. When it happens the next time, I decide I don't want to go back, because (this was a couple years ago) I'm not prepared for what Pandora's Box is being opened with her.

Nobody seems to like it much. It's a loss of control over the pain of PTSD. Has this happened for you, too?

Some seem to have more control over the flooding, and maybe it happens at home. One lady I know did this DAILY after her H left for work. She got on meds for menopause, and that helped stabilze her hormones. But that pain was legitimate PTSD from her abusive mom and 1st H of 30 years, who was on Coke and beat her.

((((Angel)))) Our sisters are who they are on a different path of healing. God's timing is not ours, but it's better, even when it challenges us. Do you have any tips on dealing with their sisterly anger? Or ours? I am not in touch with my anger like she is. She flings curses and gets super violent even. I don't do that kind of flooding, anger flooding. I do sadness flooding.