Is This Disassociation? It Really Scared Me

[just me here]

that kind of getting lost in thought is such a mild form of dissociation I don't even think of it as being the same thing as the kind of disociation that is a symptom of PTSD.

I can get so involved in a mechanical design, thinking about spatial relationships and moving part interactions, that I will totally blank out where I am and what is happening around me. One time I was thinking about a remodel, trying to remember the layout of a room in my house, where the outlets were, how far the windows were from the corners, and realised I was staring blankly at the very wall I was trying to recall in memory. Kind of funny.

Nothing funny about waking up and having to remind myself that I am not 12 and living in my parents house again, because I could swear I fell asleep crying and this sure looks like my old room and it sure feels like I am back there again somehow. Nothing funny about waking up to the sound of a car crash, nothing funny about passing a police car on the shoulder of the road with his lights going and finding myself at the wheel of a fire truck instead of my pickup, headed for a car vs. farm truck response instead of going home from work. Thats disociation. For me the differance between the kind that we all have and the kind that PTSD carries with it is the effect it has on us. Normal disociation can be funny, PTSD disociation scares the c**p out of me.

 

[Heather]

that kind of getting lost in thought is such a mild form of dissociation I don't even think of it as being the same thing as the kind of disociation that is a symptom of PTSD..

I'm sure you didn't mean it but this is pretty invalidating and it really hurts my feelings. What I went through that day was pretty frightening. And for you to judge it I really don't think is fair.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I know JUST what you mean, Heather!

Getting lost in thought when you are a Mom IS terrifying.

You never know when your child might get hurt or get out of your sight because you've been tipped into it.

EVERY BIT as distressing when you're trying to keep your kids safe.

...and still, a response to needing to 'cap off' that overloaded circuitry. It's not for anyone to judge, I think, whether or not someone's distress at it is valid or not. If it is distressing to that person, it deserves support and validation.

Just because one of my episodes of dissociation doesn't 'take me THERE' to the worst of my traumas doesn't mean 'I'm HERE' in the way that I feel I need to be to keep my children safe.

I can't tell you how many injuries I had to deal with in the ER Tech/Paramedic days from parents who just had 'one of those moments' and the fear of it kept me housebound unless I either had hubby there or was SURE I was well rested and in myself.

So worrisome. I do know now, those episodes are more frequent when I'm experiencing stress which ups my activation level. So working on keeping the stress down helps minimize the amount I feel the need to dissociate.

 

[just me here]

I'm sure you didn't mean it but this is pretty invalidating and it really hurts my feelings. What I went through that day was pretty frightening. And for you to judge it I really don't think is fair.

I'm sure I didn't mean it too!

Re-read the post previous to mine, the one about driving from a to b and not remembering, about how it is a normal part of life.

Now re- read my post about how that normal kind of disociation is usually kind of humerous. And how the differance between normal disociation and PTSD disociation isn't really discernable by any other measure than how it effects us. I suffer both kinds, thats how I divide the two.

I don't think the first kind is any real indicator of anything, it just happens to us, probably more to people that are capable of getting totally lost in thought, or capable of being truly "absent-minded".

The second kind is definitely an indicator that something is wrong. It goes without saying.

Where do you think I would put what happened to you- in the column under humerous and normal or with the types I listed from my own experiences that scared the c**p out of me?

Abstract's last paragraph needs to be reread here also. I sincerely hope you can stop feeling so afraid, and I hope you understand my comment was about the levels of disociation being discussed in the previous post and not a judgement or invalidation of your fear.

sometimes these threads leave the original post behind and take off in different directions as more and more people join in the conversation. I am truly sorry that my assumption that this thread had also become more a discussion about the general levels of disociation and not the specifics of your disociation has caused you to feel invalidated or judged. I think we both already agreed it wasn't meant that way. Please accept my apologies if you still beleive they are in order.

 

[angel2write]

Heather- I have that experience all the time, especially when I'm driving. I don't know if it's "real" disassociating, but it's really disturbing to come awake and realize that I've been driving on autopilot for who knows how long with the kids in the car.

I end up looking around for landmarks to try and figure out where I am, and sometimes the panic makes me feel like nothing seems familiar. I can be in the middle of a road I drive on all the time, and if I see ONE THING that's unfamiliar, it can throw me out of orientation completely.

I get lost a lot.

Fortunately, whatever part of my brain that takes over when I am lost in a memory or flash back or thought process appears to be a pretty good driver. I may end up somewhere really random, but at least I don't hit people!

One time (this is funny) I found myself at a dead stop in the middle of a four lane divided highway. There was a car in front of me, and I looked around it for road construction, but we were all alone. There was no one around at all. I thought, "I wonder why we've stopped?" The man in the car in front of me was glaring at me terribly, and I realized that when I zoned out, I must have been tailing him. He slowed down, and I slowed down. Until finally he came to a complete stop. I wonder how long we sat there before I woke up, blushed beet red, and passed him!!! :oops:

 

[angel2write]

The worst time I ever did this, I missed an exit. Drove almost 35 miles too far. Decided to go on to the next exit, and missed it, too. Zoned out. Finally had to turn around and drive almost an hour back to where I was supposed to be. Too tired and foggy.

 

[Reclusive]

I disassociate while driving pretty frequently. I try to keep the radio up and on to keep me present, but when the commercials come on it's almost a sure thing. I hate that feeling when I suddenly come back and have no idea where I am. I'm in a small town now, though, so I can't get TOO lost.

But I've had to turn around because I missed my turn, dissociated again, had to turn around again, dissociated again, turn around again.... It's embarrassing when there's someone else in the car.

When it comes to kids, I think it's even scarier. I'm glad you'll be able to wait outside for her now. How old is she, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[Heather]

. How old is she, if you don't mind my asking?

She's 7 y/o. Only 9 more years and then she can get her license. Although if you saw her in the arcade behind the wheel:eek:;).......you'd probably agree with me when I say maybe 25 y/o would probably be a better age for her. hahha. She is very scary (yet hilarious) to watch.

 

[angel2write]

But I've had to turn around because I missed my turn, dissociated again, had to turn around again, dissociated again, turn around again.... It's embarrassing when there's someone else in the car.

:laugh: Wow- this sounds familiar! (l.o.l.) :laugh:

 

[Reclusive]

Well, 9 years can change a lot about a person - here's hoping for the best!

LOL angel2write!