Is this dissociation? Dealing with dangerous urges and feeling like 2 different people.


Hi, I'm so sorry for my english level, it's not my mothertongue.
I just wanted to show a little about how i've been feeling a while and get some answers.
I don't tell those thing to my therapist because i am so embarrased about it, mostly because i feel like he would think i'm faking it or something (i have got a lot of diagnoses and also i had some suicide attemps that took me in a psy ward).
Well, i remember that when i was 16, i felt like i had two sides, one wanted to stay "normal" it was rational and the other was really mad, wanted to hurth me bad with a knife, but nothing lethal. Throw the years it became "stronger" and i had to fight against it because she was literally trying to kill me. I always won but she was so different from me. She always showed up when i was worse with my mental health. And one day i started to find strange things like a writting i didn't remember, and some dialogues with myself on a notebook. They vanish when i'm better but latelly i've been having that girl again that want to hurth me bad. Am i just exagerating or should i do something with it. I don't have DID but i don't know what is this or what should i do.

I'm sorry for this post if I bothered you or it feld stupid.
hello sophie. welcome to the forum. for what it's worth, your english is fine. if you hadn't pointed it out, i doubt i would have spotted that it is not your mother tongue and i teach english as a second language.

i can think of several things my own shrinks might call this. depersonalization, dissociation and personification are three possibilities which pop into my head, but i wouldn't trust a fellow patient for the front line discussion. i would bring it up with my therapist. i go for the adage that the only stupid questions are the ones you don't ask. it's stupid to flounder in ignorance when knowledge is only a question away.

please relax your mind on what you should feel free to ask or say. it's all fair game.