Is This Dissociation?

[bitterfight_]

Yesterday I had a therapy appointment I scheduled very last minute and I had been experiencing high anxiety all day (probably an 8/10 all day when I am usually a 4/10). Once I got there to my appointment, I had a panic attack in her office. It took me 30 minutes out of the 50 minutes we have per session to return to an almost 5/10 and that's when this feeling came over me.

My arms and legs starting feeling heavy like there were bricks on them and then they became tingly and felt weird. Then, the room seemed bigger than it was and like my therapist was far away, and I felt like I was in this huge cloud. I felt so foggy and distant. My T said I was "floaty" and that she could feel it and see it, but this is so new to me. It stayed with me too - this feeling.

After our session and she had given me some new techniques and grounding tools, she sent me on my way. I remembered her writing on a piece of paper what prescription I should ask for from my doctor and her card attached but as I looked in my bag I was sure I lost it. After about 10 mins I realized I was holding it in my hand the entire time. I had also noticed that even though I had found it, I had kept walking in this fog for another 30 minutes and that I had walked to the other side of town, about 5 blocks away from the place my bus arrives.

Was I dissociating? She didn't actually say anything about dissociating but I'm so confused as to why I was so spaced out AND how to never have that again. It was so horrible.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Yes that is dissociation, specifically derealization which is kind of a sub-category of it. As for how to ensure it doesn't happen again, try mindfulness techniques- maybe carry a small object that has meaning to you, or a packet of really strong flavour sweets (mints, cough sweets etc) so that you can use your senses to ground yourself when you become aware of it happening.

 

[bitterfight_]

Ohh.. Makes sense. That's why my T had it written on my file along with depersonalization. Well that's terrifying. Okay. As for the tips - sounds good! I'll try it! Thank you <3

 

[jd9900]

Ice_Fire, thanks for the tips. I go through this sometimes as well - and it is terrifying. For me, it feels like I am about to pass out, but can't. I actually want to - because in this cloudy state I am still vaguely aware but completely out of control. The idea of an object I really like. Usually I can relax just using my head, but in situations like those my head just isn't working.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I have a 'tangle'- it's a toy basically but it really helps. It's a loop of inter-connected curved pieces of plastic and it's great to fiddle with. The junior size one is palm-size too so fairly discreet. My therapist suggested it and I like it.

 

[bitterfight_]

Ice_Fire, thanks for the tips. I go through this sometimes as well - and it is terrifying. For me, it feels like I am about to pass out, but can't. I actually want to - because in this cloudy state I am still vaguely aware but completely out of control. The idea of an object I really like. Usually I can relax just using my head, but in situations like those my head just isn't working.

I know EXACTLY how that feels. That's literally how I felt that day, cloudy. My T said floaty, but cloudy is definitely a better description for it. I feel like I'm completely out of my own body. Deep breathing usually works for me, but this time it didn't.

I have a 'tangle'- it's a toy basically but it really helps. It's a loop of inter-connected curved pieces of plastic and it's great to fiddle with. The junior size one is palm-size too so fairly discreet. My therapist suggested it and I like it.

^I took your advice on this kind of thing. I have one to snap against my wrist/fingers/etc to keep me grounded physically, to *snap* me back into this moment, and another just to remind me of my little cousin who made it, to remind me "okay, i'm safe"