Relationship Is This His Ptsd?

[hummingbird]

My husband of over 15 years has set in motion our divorce. There was much damage done before diagnosis and I was "done." I left shortly after he was diagnosed and said I wanted a divorce. Separation gave me better reflection and perspective. However, it doesn't change the fact I "abandoned" him when he needed me the most. I know I was wrong to do so and admitted this to him. We got back together. I moved back into our home. I was trying to show my love and support. Then was blindsided by his request for divorce. Says he "cannot trust me and feel safe with me." I just want to know if this could be his PTSD pushing me away. He is bringing up so much of our past and then some. His "negative" feelings about me are overwhelming. Although some are deserved. I have begged him to go to counseling with me, but he is filing divorce papers instead. I have told him I want to learn and do whatever it takes for him to trust me. Is this his PTSD pushing me away? I just need some opinions please!

 

[myvetswife]

hummingbird I feel so sorry for you. I splitt up with my hubby after 18 year of married, after he tried to k*ll himself. I was not able to help. But before he wouln't take any help, we didn't know what was up with him.

After he had to stay in a clinic we got back toghether, he was willing to work on himself and still is. It is still not easy, every day is like a rollercoaster but it works most of the time.

I can't tell you if it is his PTSD. I think that you are too hard to your self, accousing yourself to be the bad one. I think both partners have to work on it. There are negative feelings in both of you.

Is he under treatment? Does he take medication?

Don't be hard hard to yourself (( hugs if you want to))

 

[IvyMillie]

Sorry to hear also what you are going through. I also am not sure if it is his PTSD. Except that when my husband was going to therapy his symptoms did get worse. They do have severe trust issues. Plus, they tend to think negatively and a bit paranoid like people are out to get them. So it is possible that it could be his PTSD.

It sounds like you want to work things out. You do have alot of time invested. Is there anyway he could slow down the divorce? At least to give you guys a chance to start anew. It might mean having to let go of the past and what was done. This isn't easy. However, if he didn't realize what was wrong with him, and you didn't know either there probably were some negative repurcussions from that. As you mentioned you will both just have to realize that you were both a bit in the dark.

However, now you both are on the right track of knowing a bit more. Knowledge is power and you can use that to help your relationship. I hope he will be willing to give you another chance. I think the only way to know for sure if it is his PTSD or not is to let enough time to go by to see for sure.

I hope he can forgive or better yet understand how hard his PTSD is on you. This is a hard concept for them to come to realize. If you had had enough really that is a natural reaction. They don't see how hard it is to cope with and how damaging it can be. It takes time and part of their process. They tend to feel really bad and guilty when they do see that. I know they don't want to be hurtful, but it's hard for them to change.

I sincerely hope you guys can work it out.