Is This It?

[Shellbell]

I agree, having needs is okay. Needing support is good and you deserve it and are worth it. And we are here for you to give you that support. We are here writing these posts to you on here because we do care.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am on disability. Dbt in my area is $200 a session, two times a week, a year long commitment required. Plus a 1 1/2 hour drive each way into the nations second worst congested metro area. Yeah, you can tell Ive looked! (Multiple places, btw). Oh, and NOT covered by Medicare, so 100% OOP. Two weeks and my monthly income would be more than gone if you factor in gas.

And yes, I do feel even more pathetic now.

It is very black and white. You either love me or hate me. Pretty much everyone falls in the latter category. Which is why nobody would care when I'm gone.

I'm sorry I posted. I'm sorry I wasted your time. You could have been helping someone who deserved help.

 

[Shellbell]

SOL, you DO deserve this help, we wouldn't be trying otherwise. We see your worth, even if no-one else does. We know the place you are in now and how incredibly hopeless and dark it is. But it will pass and I believe the future can get better for you.

Please hold on.

 

[Abstract]

Hun,

There is no reason to feel pathetic. People care and they have their own ability to decide what is a worthwhile use of time. I havnt wasted my time and many will relate to these feelings to one extent or another. You are not alone in this. I am sorry you cant access DBT. I hope you can plan for it somehow. I really think it would help you heal.

Have you tried buying the books and doing some of it yourself in the meantime? It is not the same at all but you can still gain a lot. I have done this and it has changed my life in many ways.

I would even look at moving state etc if you can find a way to get treatment. You said your family funds you. Would they not consider funding DBT for you?

I really dont believe that people will always hate you or love you. They may not like what you do if you are acting out but that is not an all encompassing thing. This is very painful and distressing stuff you are dealing with. Feelings like this are very painful.

Do you see how saying people are wasting their time is totally coming from you when you look at your responses here? That you are blocking out others genuine care? What would happen if you let yourself feel others care for you here.

 

[tll]

You have no reason to feel pathetic. Being on disability and not being able to afford therapy isn't the end of the world. There are still people you can talk to. Not having money is no excuse to give up. You're stronger than this moment.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I would never consider helping someone who is hurting a waste of time. Every person deserves help when they need it. I used to see things in black and white too, the world was and sometimes is such a frightening place when that happens. I hope someday you can find a place in the middle and the people who reside there. There is so much peace to be found and it is one of the biggest comforts in life to let go of the intensity that comes with all of that. There are people out there who forgive when you make a mistake, people who stick by you on your worst days as much as the good. It does happen. People who talk about problems instead of berating and abandoning you when you're most vulnerable.

I need you to know I'm not abandoning you now. I'm scared to go to sleep tonight and leave you here, but I must so that I can do what needs to be done tomorrow, but I will be back in the morning to check this thread. You can send me a private message absolutely anytime and say absolutely anything. I hope I see you in the morning, it really would break my heart if I didn't.

 

[tll]

Maybe you could try and switch your thinking for a minute. Sometimes distractions can do amazing things. Like what was the last good movie or tv show you watched? I have been watching smallville all day and I'm completely in love with superman now.

And please, by no means, think that I am trying to make your situation seem less serious than it is. Maybe if you got to know us other than kind words and good motives, but as people- that what were saying will carry more weight.

 

[Shellbell]

SOL, just want you to know I haven't just walked away and forgotten you. I'm hoping to see you back on here later and hoping you can accept some of the caring words here for you and know they are genuine and you are worth every word said by everyone. I hope you are okay. Lots of us here hope and want you to be okay.

 

[TeaLeaf]

If I was a better person I would be able to work, I would have friends, I would be able to be normal for gods sake. There are lots and lots and lots of people who were traumatized and are just fine.

Your ability to work and have friends has nothing to do with your self worth. Your trauma has such an impact on how you are feeling and your current circumstances. There may be some people who were traumatized and are "just fine" but most people that experience trauma can only heal after therapy, often long term therapy and struggle a lot.

Is there a support group in your area? I found it really helpful for me, it helped me see face to face other people that went through similar hellish experiences, often people who on the outside looked like they were doing fine. In my group, some people in the group were able to work, some people were not, some people had close friends, some were very isolated. The group I went to was sliding scale and some of the members actually attended for free because they were not able to pay.

 

[Nicolette]

Alright, SOL, we have been down this path before and we know where it ends. You post for awhile, interact with others members really well who like you, and then go on a path of self destruction and a pity party.

You know what the consequences are, you get to the point where you beg to be banned and you push us to no other option, we give you a break and you always return.

A word of caution for where you are heading (again!).... if you keep pushing you will end up where you wont be given just a couple of weeks to calm down.

Lets not make this difficult as you know the forum rules and are walking a fine line (again). Consider this a warning and this pity party is being closed as it is not healthy for anyone on the forum including those trying to support you as, based on your history, you just won't listen anyway.