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Relationship Is This Ptsd?

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It was back in oct. He texted me when I was at a Halloween party on a sat night. Said he was going out in his truck but didn't say where, it's a new truck and he's been customizing it himself. Anyway I was saying I wish I could go with him, have fun etc. He lives in another state. Then I don't hear anything from him until Tues when I was at work. He said he had the gun with him and he was gonna end it but heard his mothers voice telling him to go home. I had been to visit him earlier that month and there were a lot of problems because his cat was sick and had to be out down when I was there. He's very attached to his pets. Anyway, he didn't handle it well emotionally and after I went home he kept texting how he failed like he always does. He wanted my visit to be special etc.

I don't know. It's so complicated.
 
Don't call yourself a fool, just don't lie to yourself either. We've all been there! And we've all felt foolish, but we must be gentle with ourselves. I don't know anyone who hasn't made the same mistake and been in the same situation you describe, myself included, multiple times... However, you need to learn right now that that even with PTSD, there is not any excuse whatsoever for his behavior! You are manipulating yourself by even suggesting that, and you are creating excuses for an abusive partner. He's an adult, and so are you. He can either seek specific treatment, now*, to tackle this ridiculous abandonment issue, or the relationship can end, now*. He needs to take responsibility. No excuses. And by the way, prepare for this to never occur - because he's not a poster child for PTSD, he's a poster child for emotionally unavailable men. And these people are rarely adult enough to take real responsibility and create real change in themselves. Meanwhile there are good men out there who will be more than eager to text you back under any circumstance, mental illness or not!

You can find yourself 100,000 other people with PTSD of all degrees, who will never let a whopping two weeks go by without a text message response to you. You can find people half your age with PTSD who would never do this. This is beyond unacceptable. It's up to you to set these boundaries. If you let this slide you are at fault for allowing yourself to be treated this way without repercussions, and he will continue to do this over time. However, the fact his behavior is already so flagrant lets me know, even if I had not read any other part of your post, that little allowances have become bigger and bigger over time. So I can infer that the entire dynamic of the "relationship" does not fit a healthy relationship model. If he had behaved like an adult instead of like a teenage child, he would have flat out told you that he needed space and did not want to speak/text for 2+ weeks instead of leaving you in the dust.

You know who I don't text back? My abuser. Why? Because I don't have any respect for him, because he has none for me. Notice how profound the lack of respect has to be for a person to not respond to you for 2 weeks, and this person claims to be in a relationship with you?! Insanity. Denial. Lies. Manipulation. Abuse <<<< The more you think about, these words apply to the situation. PTSD is not an excuse. A person with PTSD can choose to learn about themselves, learn new coping strategies, and take responsibility for managing their behaviors. If they are not ready for a relationship then they need to stay out of them. Your partner is not relationship material at this time, and may never be. Don't worry about him. He clearly is not worried about you. Do you really think someone who is capable of loving you would simply stop texting you with no explanation, meanwhile posting stuff online about there other accomplishments! Talk about red flag, this is a clear flagrant foul, a total violation of all things "love" and "respect". You can only control yourself, and unless settling for this kind of treatment the rest of your life is the best you think you can achieve, I suggest you end this thing now. And I get the feeling you know you deserve 100X better.
 
I think this guy needs to do a lot of work with his therapist before being in a relationship. His emotional regulation is all over the place and the text about the suicide intent and then all the texting about how he failed like he always does is manipulating you. May not be intentional but he needs to deal with those issues in therapy not burden you. Personally that would be too much to ask of me but maybe you can set some boundaries about behaviour and what he should be putting on you and responding to emails and texts.

Doesn't matter if it is ptsd related or not. It is not an excuse for that behaviour.
 
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Actually, if he is doing positive things like fixing up his truck and is commenting about it that just doesn't fit depression or isolation.
I will disagree with this. People isolate in many forms, it is not limited to locking oneself in a home, it is simply staying away from people as a collective, and more importantly isolation refers primarily to keeping away from anyone with an emotional connection versus drinking buddies, f*ck buddies or such non-emotional relationships.

You can be depressed and very active in life. Depression is a fallacy that a person lay around, mope and groan and do nothing for themselves or partake in society. Many a depressed person are extremely active in life, yet depressed when they are alone or down about something.

@Glara, if the guy isn't answering you, then he isn't interested in you.
 
My guy finds yard work very helpful in managing his symptoms. It's like a form of meditation for him. Sometimes when he is suffering, he does a lot of it.

Fixing up his truck might be helping your guy's recovery. But really, it's impossible to know what's going on in your guy's head right now. By continually trying to guess his mental state, I think you will only make yourself sick. Speaking from experience here (and I need to learn to take my own advice sometimes! ;)).

I agree that this man is very much emotionally unavailable. True, emotional unavailability can be a symptom of PTSD, but from all you've written on this forum, it seems he is either unwilling or unable to learn to manage his symptoms to the point where he can sustain a healthy relationship with you.

In a recent post, you mentioned that you were thinking of letting go. I think that this is the best thing to do, but I also understand that it will be difficult for you to do until you are in the right headspace to do so.

Hang in there. You will come through this eventually. Hugs.
 
As I mentioned before, he did just text me for the first time in 2 weeks. It was late (late for me) so I didn't respond yet. Not sure how I will respond.

Yes, I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to plan a vacation. I'm also trying to make new friends by networking with my coworkers. I'm working on it, but it's not easy. A lot of the responses on here are mixed, and that's exactly what's going on in my head. And while I'm trying to let go, it's hard when I don't have that much to do, or people to talk to. Up until recently I was involved with raising my daughter. That was my social life. And even when that ended, she still lived with me and we did everything together. Now she does most things with her roommates. So, I'm starting from scratch.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice. This is the only place I can go to talk about this.
 
Stand up for yourself. Demand better. If he can't do that, walk away. For good.
I am a big believer in seeing the monster, if there is one. Figure out for yourself what you want - no questions asked, let him know what that is, let him respond and if the response or the actions to back up the response is not what you are looking for, take action. It sounds like you are just as frozen as he is tbph, as you are not taking steps to put this situation with him to rest for yourself. To do that you need to know exactly what you want.
 
And while I'm trying to let go, it's hard when I don't have that much to do, or people to talk to.

I really feel for you. I am in a similar situation. I am close to my family, but none of them live nearby. I had a good social life until about 6 months ago. I used to catch up with my closest friends every week, but they have been occupied with their own issues in recent months, so I see them very rarely now. I used to enjoy being alone, but nowadays I often feel lonely when I'm by myself.

So I can go some way to understanding how you feel when others on this forum tell you to go out with your friends and focus on your own life. That's all well and good if you already have a good support network and your own established activities in place. Such things take a long time to build up, and no, it's not easy, especially if you're not in a good place emotionally. You can't just go out and make new friends and expect them to be there for you in the same way that an old friend does (well, at least, that doesn't work for me). If you don't have a lot else going on your life, it's hard not to focus on the object of your affection.

Even though things seem to be going reasonably well with my guy, and we spend half our week together, I still feel like this when I'm alone. I wish I had more going on in my life that I really cared about, cos I don't WANT to focus on him so much. I have a lot of interests, and I'm trying to take up new activities, but it takes time for them to become an important thing in one's life.

So I get where you're coming from. Starting from scratch is way hard.
 
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@Wastinglight I had a good day today. My daughter came over and we went to the movies, I made her a nice dinner and she baked cookies. But now she left. I adopted the sweetest little dog in sept, and he's very affectionate but I'm still lonely.

A coworker is having a pampered chef party next month and I can't wait to go. I've always hated those things lol. I wish there were more coworkers my age. They all have young children.

Yes, it's hard. I read and watch movies to try to distract myself. I was drinking a lot of wine a while ago, but I don't want to do that again.

I just keep telling myself that if he were interested he'd be in touch. I think about stuff we talked about about and then scold myself. Its all so messed up. I wish there were at least classes I could take. The only thing around here is gyms and that's not what I need. I'm working on it but it's really hard.
 
I'm very similar to you with the loneliness. Does your gym do pilates classes? I do that it helps. And the lady who runs it is really nice and there is lots of conversation. But I don't socialise with any of them. But still it is something. I come on here a lot. Probably way too much!
 
Yes, it is really hard. I am looking at changing careers at the moment, so I'm studying right now, but sometimes nothing distracts me sufficiently, or 'fills me up' such that I stop feeling lonely. I am going through a really bad cycle with my generalised anxiety at the moment - lots of anxiety attacks. It makes everything worse. When my anxiety is up, I'm constantly worried that it will ruin my relationship. GAD is the pits - I hate that I worry excessively each and every day, but I've had this disorder on and off my entire adult life, and getting better is a long, long, hard road. I know I've made significant progress, but sometimes it's so hard to keep tackling it every single day, when I just want to fall in a heap and cry and give up.

I am glad you're not turning to alcohol for comfort anymore. Remember to pat yourself on the back for every positive choice you make in your life. Celebrate the little things that you do well. What's that old saying - even a thousand mile journey begins with a single step. Even if you feel like you're going backwards some days, you're not. I try to tell myself every day that I will be okay, no matter what.

I'm so glad you had a good day. Cherish it. :hug:
 
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