Hopeful,
I think my moment of clarity happened when I was sitting at the Battered Woman's shelter in a class. They were reviewing the batterer's archetype. I had no idea that batterers had a typical anything. WHen I saw the list and knew conclusively that he matched all of these traits, then I knew what had happened to me was real. This realization was very powerful, very healing and very sad all at the same time.
Another moment of clarity was when I saw another woman who was struggling the same way that I do. Seeing her from the outside validated how I felt on the inside and gave me an instant appreciation for her endurance. It's one of the reasons why I respect everyone here. I admire this kind of tenacity to keep breathing, keep trying. In the same way, I admire what you are doing. You aren't saying "I"m fine. The rest of the world is messed up, but I'm fine." No, you are exploring your self.. that's really a worthwhile use of your time and energy.
When you read a post and think "I could have written this." Pay attention to that sensation because that's a validation of your experiences. It does mean it's real. How can we have such simliar reactions, experiences, insights and distinctions if this wasn't real. The good news is that like we can see others ahead of us in their journeys saying "There's light in this direction." That's huge! There is light. Hope. Purpose. Meaning. Destiny. Friendships. These are real too. I think you'll find some of these qualities in your time here on this forum. I know I have.
Hang in there ok?
Farine
