General Is This Right?

[keepingpositive]

Hi everyone,
First post, very nervous and not sure I am even posting on the right wall. I would welcome any advice or words of wisdom. The situation is as follows:

My boyfriend of two years was posted to Afghan last year for 6 months, while he returned home for his 2 weeks RnR int he middle of tour, his mother unexpectingly died. My boyfriend was the one that held the family together, sorted the funeral, was the rock to everyone. He then returned to war and completed his tour.

Before he went on tour we had the absolute perfect relationship. At times he was 3 steps ahead of me, talking about babies and marriage. While he was away I caught up with his suggestions and we started making plans for this year. However, when he returned from tour he was a different person. He was obviously tired and pre occupied. Anyway, six months on, I realised that he has been totally emotionally numb towards me and his friends. I had a really bad day and just needed a hug, I didn't get one. I told him all the things that I loved and him, hoping he would give me a similiar response - I didn't get anything back in return. All the tiny little things were really knocking my confidence. No conversations about future plans. I'll be honest I felt like I was walking on egg shells so didn't really confront him, until Friday. I had been feeling really unhappy and showed him a text of something he sent before he went away - and said that sometimes I just need to hear those lovely things. This is when he came out and said that he realises he has changed and doesn't know what to do.
I then received a text yesterday saying he thinks we should split up, to give him time to get help and sort himself out. Then when he is sorted we can move forwards together.

What I was hoping you lovely people can help me with is:
1) is he possibly suffering from PTSD?
2) is the lack of emotions due to PTSD or the grieve of his mother - or both?
3) He has asked for space, I have told him I love him and will be waiting for when he is ready - is this the correct thing to do?
4) Has anyone got any positive outcomes from a partner with PTSD as all I seem to read is the bad outcome?
5) Will I be living in hope of something that is never going to happen, i.e. getting back together?

 

[MurphyJB]

Welcome to the forum, Keepingpositive. Good for you for posting. Here are some quick answers to your questions.

1) it is very possible, but you shouldn't assume anything. He should seek out help within his branch.
2) definitely could be both. My boyfriend is often "numb" towards me, which is a side effect of his PTSD.
3) giving him space, IMO, was the right thing to do.
4) relationships with someone suffering from PTSD are difficult. Especially if he will not get help. Good outcomes are possible, it just takes a lot of work on both ends. You will give way more than you receive sometimes.
5) Nobody will be able to answer this question doe you...

 

[MurphyJB]

Also, you may want to check out the sister site.
Combat.ptsdforum.org

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Other than the emotional numbness, you haven't really mentioned any PTSD symptoms. It could be due to the loss of his mother (which would be perhaps traumatic grief, but not PTSD), or due to the war. Please get your boyfriend to be checked out by a professional. Assuming a possibly incorrect diagnosis can do much more harm than good.