Is This Still Right For Me?

[shaky]

I’ve been seeing my therapist for quite a few years now (over the more recent years it has been phone sessions because of the distance). I originally chose her because she was an integrative arts therapist which is an approach I found really helpful. I used to feel so at home in her therapy room with its plants, photos of trees and nature, bean bags, cushions, toys, musical instruments etc. But now she has retrained as a Jungian analyst and when I went there for a session a few months ago the bean bags etc had gone, a whole wall was covered in boxy bookshelves and a million stuffy books, there was a couch instead of toys, the chairs don’t face each other any more but you sit looking half out of the window instead of at each other…and even on my phone sessions she keeps taking the conversation onto world issues and theories like ‘the masculine forces in the world and the feminine forces‘. I find it so hard to deal with people talking like that in such a theoretical way when I’m making myself so vulnerable by bringing my feelings to the session. It’s like she’s becoming a completely different person. I’ve tried to say how I feel but she just gets defensive saying she’s not being theoretical. I feel so sad that she may not be the right therapist for me any more, if that‘s how it is. Sitting in her room was the first time I’d felt really safe in my whole life. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Did you find a way past it? Am I just going through abandonment issues big-time (I have some mega ones!), or even finding excuses to back away so she doesn’t get too close? I feel I should trust her and that it's my problem if I don't like the feel of it when she starts saying these things. I keep thinking that because I used to feel so safe with her then it follows that the changes she's chosen to make must be for the best, because she's an ok person. But other parts of me don't feel good about it all. It's really confusing.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I think that that is a huge shift on your therapist's part. That would be really hard for me. I think it's perfectly natural for you to feel confused and upset by the drastic changes. I also think that what might be best for your therapist, may not be best for you. You felt safe because of the setting and how she used to approach things. She made a choice to change, but that doesn't mean it's the best choice for you. You have different needs. That's okay. She can still be a good person and still have been an important support for you. It must be really difficult to be realizing that her style is not working for you. I wouldn't know what to do if I were you, but from my perspective, I'd be starting to look for a new therapist more suited to what you're comfortable with. I wish you luck in your decision-making process.

 

[Almost There]

In my opinion, therapy is there to help you and therefore, it needs to work for you. In therapy, there is a therapeutic alliance that has to exist in order for you to improve and progress. The therapeutic alliance helps you to feel safe and that you can trust the therapist to help you even if the therapist has to help you face things that you might not want to. It seems to me that your therapist's change in methodology may not be as helpful as her former approach. While changing therapists may not be ideal, it may be better than the alternative where you are trying to fit in to her new ways. Perhaps interviewing another therapist or even 2 or 3 and transitioning to one. In the long run, it really needs to be what works best for you.

 

[shaky]

thank you breatheandbelieve and lisa, it really helps to know it's not just me 'getting it wrong'. It's good to think that perhaps what's a positive change for her is not necessarily so for me.

I've started to research some other therapists in my area, so perhaps the idea is sinking in gradually that I may have to move on. It's so hard, maybe it takes time to get used to the idea at first. It feels like it will take some grieving to move through it, if I do decide to change therapists.

 

[City Slicker]

Hi Shaky,
It sounds like you are feeling the loss of what was before. Even should you decide to stay with this therapist, there is still loss in the huge change initiated by your therapist.

Lately I have really, really been listening in conversations with friends, colleagues etc that have neither experienced trauma nor developed PTSD and how they deal with things in life that can feel almost debilitating to us.

A while back, one of my friends was talking about changing her therapist and how she had done it - it was so matter of fact the way she expressed her decision making process - the therapist had done a similar thing as yours and also in the process had had a child.

Now when my pal went back to resume therapy, everything was about the new process and the new infant in the therapists' life.

My pal hung in for a few more sessions, told the therapist she really liked her but the new stuff just wasn't working for her, said she was going to miss her and said she missed the old times, cried and left. I listened carefully because this was around the time I was leaving my therapist. I remember thinking it's good I have some non PTSD friends so I can actually see what 'normal', or if not 'normal', at least what 'non PTSD' behaves like in these situations lol.

Good luck with whichever way you go.

 

[Cool Cat]

You have to tell her, its scary to confront your T but very important,

 

[shaky]

Thanks cityslicker and cool cat, it's good to hear what 'normal' is in this situation, and that we as patients have the right to question things if they're not quite right for us. I'm still unsure about things at the moment, mainly because other issues have reared their ugly heads in my life and so the focus has veered away from therapist-related things. I'm hoping my support network regains some of its former stability soon and then I can start making the 'big' decisions!