Is This Strange Or Do Others Think This Way Too?

[PainX2]

I've been thinking alot recently about how I think and what's "normal" and what's suicide ideation. I'm not really sure where this falls or if others also experience this so I thought I'd pose this to the forum.

Ever since I was young and my traumas all started... all involving violence and death... I've had a (what I've always considered to be) strange view on my life.

To put it plainly.... I've never thought that I'd live very long. I've always had this very strong feeling way down deep inside me that I wouldn't be long for this earth... that something horrific would happen to me. A terrible crash, a mugging gone horribly wrong, something. In the end, that I would never grow old... that something (not of my doing) would take me from this life before my time.

Does anyone else have these feelings? They're extremely strong for me and while I love my husband dearly and want to grow old with him so much, I've never felt that I actually would....

 

[catjudo]

Having a sense of a foreshortened future is a common PTSD symptom.

 

[changed]

I feel like that all the time! I thought I always had but when I was clearing out some stuff I came across stuff I did at school when I was a child, it was about 'when im 21 I will be.... when im 40 I will be...' and so on. When I found it I laughed at the answers I put, but remembered at the time I really believed it. So I guess I havent always thought like that for some reason I thought I had. Although I have a strong feeling about it now.

Hope this helps.
Changed
x

 

[PainX2]

Wow. Thanks catjudo. I didn't know that. At least its "normal" then in a sense.

I've obviously been struggling with this since I was a child and never sought out help for it. I remember as a child thinking that a vehicle would go out of control when I was at the bus stop and hit me. I never told anyone that. Most I ever told anyone was an ex boyfriend when I was growing up that I never felt like I would grow old. He'd ask me why I thought that but I could never give him an answer.

 

[Monarch]

I have always had those feelings as well, I don't really think about the future because I don't think I will be there. I believe the therapist term for this is future telling and catastrophizing. Common for victims of trauma

 

[TLight]

Yes, very common for victims of trauma.

I can ditto. I can't even seem to ponder a future at all. I envy people who can dream and go for dreams. My only dream I've ever had is to die. No matter how much 'positive thinking' or changing my thoughts when it comes up, I can't seem to change this.

It's hard, because I believe this mindset affects your decision making greatly.

Yes, I'm with a partner now who he does nothing but dream about the future and work on making those dreams come true. I see how alive it makes him. In comparison, I feel dead.